The Importance of Family
by Jaina Solo2
Summary: Life goes on. Sometimes it throws you a curveball and you never know what's coming your way on any given day. Otalia. Femslash.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** The Importance of Family  
**Fandom: **Guiding Light  
**Characters: **Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Ava Peralta, Emma Spencer, Jeffrey O'neil  
**Category:** Angst, but the good kind. Romance, Drama.  
**Rating:** R...I'm gonna say because there are some disturbing themes explored in here and some violence, although I don't think either is described in graphic detail. **  
Word count: **3,603  
**Summary:** Life goes on. Sometimes it throws you a curveball and you never know what's coming your way on any given day.  
**Spoilers: **Takes place around Thanksgiving '10, and includes the events of the finale.  
**Author's Note: **This fic is solely for **kelltwomyn**. I was bemoaning the fact that I wasn't going to be able to afford a Venice subscription and she swooped in and got when for me when I said I'd be willing to offer fic in exchange. I hope this fic is both somewhat what you were hoping for and also worth your ten bucks and the wait. I really have enjoyed Venice so far. Thank you. :)  
**Beta:** Many thanks to **q_wordy13** for beta'ing this for me! Your insights, comments, suggestions and encouragement have all been very much appreciated! :D  
**Disclaimer: **All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.  
**Warning: **This story eventually deals with Olivia's rape. I don't think it's discussed graphically, but I don't want anyone to stumble upon it unaware either.

* * *

**Part One**

The "Welcome to Springfield" sign, barely noticed on most occasions, loomed large in Jeffrey's vision despite the cold, grey winter's day. It was dangerous being back here in Springfield, he knew that. At one time or another he had been both the DA and Mayor. There was no denying that he was a well known public figure and there was every chance that someone would recognize him.

Then, the moment that happened, it would all be over – everything he had worked so hard for over the past year, the time that he had been forced to spend away from his infant son, his wonderful, grown up daughter, and all the pain he had caused Reva – would all be for nothing. Yet there was no way that Jeffrey could just stop outside the city limits and turn around. No, he had spent over a year following Edmund and he wasn't about to stop now. His return to Springfield meant that it was time for this war they had been waging to come to an end. He was going to put a stop to Edmund's murderous, deranged intentions once and for all.

Edmund at large in the world was a constant threat, but Edmund in Springfield meant that those Jeffrey cared about most were in immediate danger. He wasn't going to let anything happen to them, not if he could prevent it. That was why he had finally come back to Springfield, hot on Edmund's trail.

Now that he was back, there were people that he should notify, people who needed to know that Edmund was alive, back in town and still intent on murder. Of course, he couldn't do it himself. Until he was exposed – and it seemed almost inevitable – he would do his best to stay out of sight and keep the knowledge that he was alive under wraps. He would worry about what he would say to family and friends later, after Edmund was dead.

Still, there were ways to warn the people who needed to know. Jeffrey knew that Jonathon was living here in Springfield and already knew that he was alive. A quick phone call and it would be done. Jonathon had spent enough years on the run to spin a believable story about how he knew that Edmund was back in town while spreading the word to Josh, Reva, Oliva and everyone else he need to know.

To talk to Jonathon, however, he would need a moment, and Jeffrey had learned early in his hunt for Edmund that all he needed to disappear was one moment. He certainly wasn't going to give Edmund that opportunity in the middle of Springfield where the losing sight of him for even five minutes could mean the death of someone he cared about.

That was why Jeffrey immediately took advantage of the opportunity that Edmund had provided him when he turned his car and parked in front of the Olivia Spencer Memorial Park. Pulling in well back from where Edmund had parked, Jeffrey took out his cell phone and watched as Edmund stepped out of the car, surveying the streets before tugging his coat into place and walking into the park.

Jeffrey quickly dialed, never taking his eyes off Edmund. The well landscaped park was feeling the effects of winter. The usually vibrant, thick grass had turned a brownish shade of green and thinned considerably since summer. Trees had lost their foliage, leaving only skeletons standing in their place. As dreary as it looked, Jeffrey was grateful for the greater visibility it provided him. It would be a hassle in a moment when he got out to follow Edmund, but for now it gave him time to contact Jonathon.

"Hello?" Jonathon's standard greeting was full of laughter. Where ever he was and whatever he was doing, he was clearly enjoying himself, probably with Sarah at this time of day. The thought provoked an unexpected tinge of jealousy within him. He missed his family.

"It's me," Jeffrey said curtly, forcing any hint of his previous thoughts to the back of his mind and firmly locking them away. There was no way for him to safely be with his family until this was settled. He didn't wait for Jonathon to respond, but continued on. "I'm back in town and so is Edmund. You need to let everyone know so that they can be prepared. I have him in sight and I am going to finish this here and now, but I'm not taking any chances. Can you spread the word?"

"Of course," Jonathon responded quickly. There was a moment's silence. "Do you need any backup?"

Jeffrey considered the offer. Edmund had managed to slip through his fingers so many times already. There was always the possibility that he could do it again. With Jonathon's help, he would have a better chance. Something about it, however, didn't feel right and Jeffrey had learned to trust his instincts in this job.

"No, I need a last line of defense if Edmund gets by me or something happens to me. You're it."

"Understood. I'll pass along your message," Jonathon said curtly.

"Thank you," Jeffrey said and found that he truly meant it, grateful that Jonathon would not only tell Reva, but watch out for her as well.

Flipping his cell phone shut, Jeffrey tucked it into his pocket and undid his seat belt. It was time to finish this. The weight of the gun tucked into its holster beneath his suit jacket was comforting. He couldn't wait to feel it in his hand. Then he could go and find Reva, throw himself on the weight of her tender mercies and see just how much his son had grown. Surely she would understand why he had been willing to do whatever was necessary to protect his family.

* * *

Ava Peralta was nervous. Like her mother, she disliked that feeling immensely and it annoyed her to no end that she was feeling that way now. After all, she was simply coming to her mother's home to celebrate the holidays as well as the birthday of her youngest sister. Only the place that she was going wasn't the familiarity of the Beacon, but a farmhouse - _Natalia's _farmhouse - where she had only been a handful of times. It was no longer just she and Olivia and Emma against the world. Olivia had managed to pull a completely new family around her and now the small tight-knit unit was verging on becoming a mid-size group with a wealth of extended family, connected by both blood and marriage, and friends. In that, Ava had no idea where she fit.

She had caught some glimpses this summer of just how much Olivia had changed since she had moved away, but Ava had a feeling that was nothing compared to how different Olivia was around Natalia. After all, if anyone had told Ava that her mother had forgiven the woman who had so obviously and with such devastation broken her heart only a month before, then moved back in with her a few scant weeks after her return and accepted her child - a child conceived with the man who had been her rival for Natalia's affections - with her whole heart, well Ava would have laughed and called them insane. That was not something Olivia Spencer did. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me, was the motto that Olivia Spencer lived by and she was certainly no fool.

It made the knowledge that Olivia had taken Natalia back even more incomprehensible to her, but then Springfield had always been a bastion of strange, unpredictable and heartbreaking. Ava simply hoped that this trip didn't involve any of the latter. It was hard enough just being back here after losing Max.

She couldn't put it off any longer, however, and opened the screen door. Ava raised her hand to knock but her fist never connected with wood as the door was pulled wide open. She had a chance to catch a brief glimpse of her mother and a flash of dark blonde hair before her little sister slammed into her, thin arms wrapped tightly around her waist and clinging to her with surprising strength for such a tiny frame.

"How's it going, little sister?" She asked teasingly, a smile curving over her lips as she bent to embrace Emma. With it some of her unease disappeared. It was rare that Emma had ever failed to cheer her up, only in the darkest days after Max's death had Emma's smile ceased to ease the pain in her heart. She was nearly impossible to resist. Her mom was going to be in so much trouble when Emma started dating.

"Chessie's going to be one in a couple of days and Mom said that now that she's a little older, maybe we can think about getting a kitten." Emma's words spilled out with such speed that it took Ava a moment to decipher them, and then she laughed.

"That sounds like a lot of fun. I had a kitten when I was your age - Dutch."

Emma sucked in a deep breath, her little chest heaving with the motion, and Ava braced herself for another torrent of words. Only Olivia's light tug on her ponytail stopped her.

"Hey, Jellybean, give your sister a chance to breathe. She's going to be here a whole week. You two will have plenty of time to catch up."

Ava flashed an appreciate smile in Olivia's direction and stepped into her Mom's open arms. She tucked her head down to rest it on Olivia's shoulder.

"It's good to see you," she said quietly. Olivia's arms tightened around her shoulders and Ava felt the beginning of tears pricking at her eyes. She sniffled and swiped at her eyes as she stepped back, hoping that Olivia wouldn't notice the sudden rush of emotion that had overwhelmed her.

"I'm glad you came," Olivia said simply. "It wouldn't have been the same without you."

"Mom." Ava's voice broke over the word, partly from the emotion bubbling up within her - that sense of belonging that had somehow snuck up on her where Olivia was concerned - and partly from exasperation. "Now you're just trying to make me cry," she complained.

Olivia's rich laughter rang out through the room. "I would never." The glint in her eyes made a lie of that statement, but it did manage to draw a matching laugh from Ava, breaking the tension of the moment.

"I am glad you came," Olivia repeated, throwing one arm around Ava's shoulders. "Now come in here and meet your newest little sister."

Ava let herself be guided into the kitchen, taking note as she did of the small homey touches throughout the house. It was hard sometimes to imagine her mother living here, but she looked just as comfortable and relaxed in this house as she did in the blue jeans and t-shirt that she wore, so different from the skirts and business suites that had practically been her uniform when Ava was her assistant.

"Look who Emma and I found," Olivia called out, but it wasn't necessary. Having heard them in the living room, Natalia was already walking toward them.

"It's good to see you again, Ava," Natalia said smiling at the young woman.

"You too." Ava flashed a smile and hoped that the sudden awkwardness of the moment wouldn't linger. She knew Natalia a little, but they had never been close before she had left Springfield and now they were practically family. Were they supposed to hug? And if they did, just how weird would that be? She wasn't the touchy-feely type. She was spared from figuring out what was expected of her by Natalia, however.

Her brown eyes glinted with amusement and a hint of mischief. "So let me guess: she dragged you in here to show off Francesca, right?"

Oh yeah, Natalia had Olivia's number all right. Glancing back at Olivia with an amused grin, Ava turned back to Natalia. "I think that was the plan."

Natalia shook her head. "She brags so much, sometimes it seems like _she _was the one who spent sixteen hours in labor pushing Francesca out."

Olivia snorted. "Hardly, Sweetheart. That was all you." The tender look she directed at Natalia belied her teasing. "Twice was more than enough for me, thank you very much."

Her last sentence took Ava by surprise, the casual mention of her birth along with Emma's catching her off guard. Their relationship had improved vastly since its early days - it could hardly have gotten worse - and Ava called Olivia "Mom" as often as she used her given name. She had even managed to forgive Olivia for trying to kill her, knowing and believing that Olivia had gone a little insane when she thought that Ava had tried to kill Emma before she had learned that Ava was also her daughter. Still, she had never before heard Olivia so casually mention that time in her life - the nine months that Ava had grown inside her and the scant time they'd shared together before Olivia had given her up for adoption. It had always been as if Ava had never existed for Olivia before she had shown up in Springfield fully grown. It seemed as if Natalia really were good for Olivia, Ava mused.

"All right," Ava cut in, "Enough stalling. I want to see this little cutie I've been hearing so much about. Who could live up to the hype?"

"Francesca can too!" Emma piped up from beside her. Ava hadn't noticed her slip into the room, much less come to stand beside her and she'd jumped at the sudden exclamation.

"I guess I'll just have to see for myself. Lead on, little sister."

Emma didn't hesitate to take Ava's hand in her tinier one and drag her toward the small playpen that sat safely out of the way in the corner. Olivia and Natalia followed behind them, a little bit more slowly.

A contented smile tugged over Olivia's lips as she saw her three daughters together for the first time. If only Rafe were here, then this moment would be perfect. All of their children finally under one roof. She glanced over at Natalia and saw those thoughts echoed back to her. Natalia's bottom lip trembled for just a moment, and Olivia didn't need anyone to tell her that she was thinking of Rafe, so far away and impossible to know if he was safe. Instead she leaned over and pressed her lips gently to Natalia's cheek, lingering there for a moment to speak where only Natalia could hear her.

"I have faith," she whispered, the mantra familiar to both of them by now, a reassurance and comfort to Natalia that her son would truly be okay and that if he wasn't they would deal with it together.

Natalia squeezed her hand in return and tried a tremulous smile for Olivia. "I know," she said, just as softly. "Thank you," she added, a moment later, swiping surreptitiously at her eyes.

"Anytime," Olivia said simply, before she gently pulled Natalia back toward Emma, Ava and Francesca, all three too caught up in surveying one another to notice the exchange behind them.

"She's beautiful, Mom, Natalia," Ava said, glancing up from where she had crouched down next to the playpen to look back up at them.

Dark brown curls framed Francesca's small face, and even Ava could see Natalia in the rich brown eyes that were staring so intently back at her. Her little hands were pressed up against the cloth mesh of the sides of the playpen, tiny fingers dug into the sides to help hold herself up and maintain her unsteady balance.

"Hey there, Cutie," Ava cooed holding a finger out for Francesca to latch onto for balance if she was so inclined.

The look of intense concentration and focus - taking her measure, Ava would say, if she was more than a year old - slipped away from her face and was replaced by a horrible squashed up expression. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut and she let out a dismayed, unhappy wail before letting go and holding her hands out beseechingly, not to Ava but to one of her two Mommies.

"Mama!" The little girl cried, the word shortly turning into a distressed babble of sound that made Ava feel like a horrible person. She knew intellectually that it was just a child's reaction to a new person in her environment, but that didn't stop the way it made her feel. "Sorry," she murmured, glancing back at Olivia and Natalia. "I didn't mean to upset her."

"Don't worry about it," Olivia said quickly, swooping in to scoop Francesca up into her arms. She held the little girl close for a moment, and then tipped her chin up until she was looking back at her. "I think somebody is just a little tired and needs a nap." The goofy look on Olivia's face and the familiarity of her voice were gradually calming Francesca, her tears subsiding. "She's been up for a while," Olivia continued, her free hand making soothing circles on Francesca's back. "I'll go put her down for a little while. She'll be less grumpy when she wakes up."

Ava rose, catching the edge of the playpen to help herself up and brushed her fingers down Francesca's tiny arm, unable to resist touching her soft, smooth skin. "Okay," she said softly, not wishing to frighten her again. Francesca was nothing - nothing - like her Max had been, but just seeing her, this beautiful baby girl was enough to make Ava's heart ache. She had learned to live without him, learned how to live again without the sadness of losing him overwhelming her, but there were still moments like this one where it just hurt.

A gentle touch on her wrist caught her attention, drawing her gaze away from Olivia's retreating form as she carried Francesca away to put her down for a nap. There was understanding and sympathy in Natalia's gaze when Ava looked back at her and unbidden she felt the first stirrings of anger at Natalia's presumption. She didn't want pity. She'd had far too much of that in the days after Max's death. Angry words grew on her tongue, but Ava held them back waiting for her to speak.

When she did however, Natalia surprised her again. "It's getting late. Would you like a sandwich? I was just about to fix lunch for the three of us."

Ava swallowed back the angry words pressing against her tongue. She had been expecting something else entirely - words of pity or a string of platitudes intended to cheer her up when it wasn't what she wanted or needed. Instead she nodded. "Thanks. That would be great." And if her voice sounded hoarse and not quite herself, Natalia didn't give any indication that she noticed it.  


* * *

When Olivia re-entered the kitchen, Natalia immediately noticed the wild look in her eyes. She dropped the plate, unwashed back into dishwater and quickly dried her hands, letting the towel fall to the counter with a second glance.

"What's wrong?" She asked quickly, capturing Olivia's hands and pulling them to her, in a gesture that had become a comfort to both of them long before they had acknowledged their feelings to one another.

"Where are Emma and Ava?" Olivia asked, glancing around the small kitchen frantically as if she expected them to suddenly appear from the laundry room or climb out from under the table.

Natalia squeezed her hands gently, trying to catch Olivia's gaze with her own and steady her racing mind and heart. "We finished eating and Emma convinced Ava to take her to the park. I think Ava needed a break, anyway."

"Oh, God." Olivia breathed, her fear ratcheting upward at hearing that her daughters were no longer in the house instead of being calmed by Natalia's statement. One hand pulled free of Natalia's and flew to her mouth. "I have to call them."

"Tell me what's wrong," Natalia repeated more forcefully as Olivia fumbled for her cell phone.

"Jonathon called," Olivia said distractedly as she hit send and waited impatiently for Ava to answer. "Edmund's back in town and Jon doesn't know who he's after this time. They could be in danger. Damn it, Ava, pick up!" She swore into the phone.

For once Natalia didn't say anything about her language. Instead she simply hung onto Olivia and waited, praying silently for Ava to pick up the phone, now just as worried as Olivia.

"Hey, Mom!" Ava said cheerful, breathless with laughter as she answered. "When did Emma get so good at basketball? She's kicking my-"

"Ava, Sweetie, I need you to listen to me very carefully. Edmund's alive and he's in Springfield. He might try to come after you and Emma to get at me. I need you two to come home right now - straight home - and don't stop for anything."

"Mom?" Ava sounded confused. "Okay, we'll-" But whatever Ava was about to say was lost as Ava's startled yell cut into it. "Emma!"

At any other time, it would have had Olivia yanking the phone away from her ear, but she only pressed closer, desperate to hear what was going on at the other end.

"Ava?" She demanded. "Talk to me!"

But the only sounds that came over the line were gunshots and more screams.

**(1/?)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** The Importance of Family  
**Fandom: **Guiding Light  
**Characters: **Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Ava Peralta, Emma Spencer, Jeffrey O'neil  
**Category:** Angst, but the good kind. Romance, Drama.  
**Rating:** R...I'm gonna say because there are some disturbing themes explored in here and some violence, although I don't think either is described in graphic detail. **  
Word count: **4,564  
**Summary:** Life goes on. Sometimes it throws you a curveball and you never know what's coming your way on any given day.  
**Spoilers: **Takes place around Thanksgiving '10, and includes the events of the finale.  
**Author's Note: **This fic is solely for **kelltwomyn**. I was bemoaning the fact that I wasn't going to be able to afford a Venice subscription and she swooped in and got when for me when I said I'd be willing to offer fic in exchange. I hope this fic is both somewhat what you were hoping for and also worth your ten bucks and the wait. I really have enjoyed Venice so far. Thank you. :)  
**Beta:** Many thanks to **q_wordy13** for beta'ing this for me! Your insights, comments, suggestions and encouragement have all been very much appreciated! :D  
**Disclaimer: **All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.  
**Warning: **This story eventually deals with Olivia's rape. I don't think it's discussed graphically, but I don't want anyone to stumble upon it unaware either.

* * *

**Part Two**

Driving like a bat out of hell wasn't an apt comparison for how Olivia drove to the park. It was too tame. There had been a moment, standing in the kitchen with Natalia and Francesca sleeping upstairs, where Olivia had thought she would go insane, her heart and mind torn in two opposite directions. She needed to get to the park, to find out what had happened to her daughters and make certain that they were both okay. It was a need so visceral that it overrode almost everything else.

Everything except for the knowledge that if she left the farmhouse, she would be leaving Francesca and Natalia alone and she could no more abandon them than she could not go running to Emma and Ava. It was an impossible situation, and she certainly wasn't going to take Natalia and Francesca with her, bringing them into more danger. For one long moment, all Olivia could do was look at Natalia with wild, panicking eyes. It was Natalia who broke her internal stalemate.

"Go," Natalia commanded her simply, her hand pressing against Olivia's cheek, forcing her to meet Natalia's gaze. "Go find them. Call me as soon as you know-" Her voice wavered as she hesitated over how to finish her thought. "Anything. We'll be fine here. I'll call Frank to send out some officers out here."

She was sure that Frank would be part of the group of police officers already scrambling toward the park, but she didn't want to remind Olivia of that. Frank's presence wouldn't be a comfort to her, and the reminder of why the police were necessary would only terrify her more.

"Go," Natalia repeated once more, and Olivia didn't waste any more time, but nodded and rushed to the door, pausing only to grab her car keys.

And she had gone. It had taken her less than half the time that it usually did to get to the park and she arrived to a milling swirl of chaos. Police officers were everywhere, taping off areas and herding civilians toward ambulances. Paramedics were moving through the crowd, trying to ascertain who, if anyone, had been injured. The noise was almost deafening. Police officers called loudly to one another while radios squawked and people cried out in panicky voices, searching for loved ones and desperately calling out for help.

It was a mess, but all Olivia cared about was finding her daughters. Olivia caught the first police officer by the shoulder and spun him around, stopping in his tracks.

"I need to find my daughters."

"And I've got a whole crime scene to deal with here, Lady. Check with the paramedics." He tried to turn away, but her fingers dug painfully into his arm stopping him in his tracks.

"Emma - Emma's about this tall." Olivia held her hand up approximating her daughter's height. "She has dark blonde hair, and green eyes. Her older sister - Ava - she has dark hair. Like mine." She touched her hair. Not her natural color, but it was actually the same as Ava's at the moment. Useful that. "She's tall, taller than me, and thin. Short hair." Olivia knew it wasn't the best description. She could do better, say something that would make him remember her daughters, but all she could think to say was coming out in spurts. It was unlike her to be so scattered in a crisis, but then no crisis had never endangered both of her daughters like this before. "You have to help me find them," she repeated.

"Okay, Lady," the cop said slowly, his hand covering hers as he gently tried to pry her fingers away from his arms. "I'll help you find 'em. C'mon." He reached out to take Olivia's arm, but she snatched it away, wary of his sudden change of heart. He held his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "I'm just gonna take you over here," he pointed at a spot several yards away where a group of people milled uneasily. "You can start talking to people. Maybe someone will remember your kids."

Olivia nodded, the lump in her throat making it almost impossible for her to speak. Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest and all she could think was a frantic litany of her daughters' over and over. It was better than thinking of what she had imagined on the drive across town - all of the things that could have happened to them. She sucked in a ragged gasp of air as the possibility that she could actually lose her daughters hit her again. "Have they sent anyone to the hospital?"

"A couple of people," her police officer answered. "But no kids, Lady."

"Ava's not a kid," she snapped. "She's a grown woman."

Not wishing to provoke a repeat of her earlier actions, he jumped back in quickly before she could say anything else. "Listen, I'll go check on who we've sent to the hospital while you talk to these people. I'll let you know as soon as I've found out something." He patted her once, awkwardly on the shoulder and then vanished into the crowd.

Olivia's eyes narrowed as she stared after him. "Why do I have the feeling I'm never going to see him again?" It was a rhetorical question and any other time such cowardice and lack of helpfulness would have sent her after him to leave him with a blistering speech he wouldn't soon forget. Right now, she didn't have time. If he was that incompetent, then she would do better on her own.

Squaring her shoulders, Olivia prepared to duck back into the fray, intending to get answers and find her daughters whether anyone was willing to help her or not.

"Mommy!"

Olivia recognized the familiar sound of Emma's voice even in the form of the shrill, scared cry that it came out as. She spun around instantly, her heart leaping with hope for the first time since she had arrived, struggling to orient herself in the direction that Emma's voice had come from.

"Emma!" She answered, still frantically searching back and forth for Emma, and hopefully, Ava. She spun around once more, stopping randomly and realized that she was face to face with both of them, although they were still several yards away.

Emma was up in Ava's arms, clinging tightly to her sister. Only catching sight of Olivia had drawn her a little bit away from Ava and given her room to breathe. Ava seemed to be holding on to Emma just as tightly, refusing to let Emma down to run to Olivia as she quickly crossed the remaining distance between them.

"Emma," Olivia breathed her daughter's name again, as she ran a trembling hair over her daughter's hair. Emma reached for her, throwing her arms around Olivia's neck and as if they'd practiced it for years, Olivia took her from Ava without Emma's feet ever touching the ground.

Emma was much bigger since the last time she had held her this way, but her weight was hardly noticeable as Olivia held her close. She breathed in the familiar scent of Emma's shampoo and closed her eyes, willing her racing heart to slow. She had Emma once again, safe in her arms. Everything would be all right. Opening her eyes, she turned her attention to Ava.

"Are you okay?" She wished she had a free hand so that she could pull Ava closer her, give her a hug and make sure that she too was okay. There was no way that was putting Emma down at the moment, however. Not with Emma's head buried against her neck and small hitching sobs coming from her daughter.

"I was so scared, Mommy. It was loud and everybody was screaming, but Ava said it would be okay."

"And she was right, wasn't she, Jellybean?" Olivia said, struggling to sound like her usual, calm, confident, and in control self. That was what she needed, not to frighten Emma anymore. Tears welled in her eyes as she looked over at Ava. "Thank you," she mouthed the words to her, still wishing she could pull her closer. _Thank you for taking care of Emma, taking care of yourself. I couldn't have lived without either of you._

It was a thought she needed to get out of her head.

Ava nodded in acknowledgment, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. She looked just as shaky as Olivia felt, and Olivia wondered not for the first time just what the hell had happened here.

"Do you need a paramedic? They have ambulances just over there?" She ran her hand over Emma's hair again, reassuring herself that she was okay as she pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"No, I'm fine, Mom," Ava said with a shake of her head. "We were fine, really. It was-" She shook her head. "It's crazy. I still can't believe it. Mom-" But whatever Ava was about to say was lost as something behind Ava caught Olivia's attention - a glimpse of a familiar face.

"Jeffrey?" His name spilled off her lips in disbelief. How the hell could he be alive? His plane had gone down and Josh and Reva had gone down to confirm that there was a body inside the plane. Seeing him standing there in front of her, Olivia felt insane. It was impossible. "Why aren't you dead?" The moment she blurted it out, at a loss for what else to say, Olivia knew it had been the wrong thing. The pained look in Ava's brown eyes said it all.

"Mom!" Ava protested, her voice filled with horror as she rushed to her father's side.

Jeffrey snorted softly, wiping sweat from his brow with his arm. "It's good to see you too, Olivia."

Letting Emma slide down her body, she still kept one arm wrapped around her. Emma didn't look like she planned to go very far, still pressing herself against Olivia's side, leaving no space between them.

"What are you doing here?" Olivia repeated. "You're supposed to be dead. We had a funeral for you. Reva, does she know you're still alive?" She laughed, hollowly. "Of course, you wouldn't let your wife think you were dead. Was I the only one who didn't know, Jeffrey?"

"No, no, Olivia, it wasn't like that." Jeffrey let out a heavy sigh. "Reva doesn't know. If she had-" He hesitated and started again. "Edmund threatened to come after my family, Olivia, unless I left them alone. He wanted to hurt Reva, so I've been trying to stop him before he could follow through on his threats. That's why everyone had to think I was dead."

"So why are you here then? Surely you didn't think you could come back to Springfield and keep pretending to be dead. No one in this town can keep a damn secret." And hadn't that come back to bite her in the ass more than once. She had learned that lesson the hard way. There was only one way to keep a secret, and that was to not tell anyone. But Natalia. Natalia could keep a secret. They had kept their relationship a secret for months.

It had been, Olivia reflected idly, one of the best kept secrets in Springfield history. So good that no one but people who had been told or found out directly, like Rafe, had known that she and Natalia had been in a relationship when Natalia left town.

"I was following Edmund," Jeffrey said, sinking into a seat on the bench behind him. "I knew I couldn't let him out of my sight while he was here, so I followed him into the park. He saw me and started shooting. It wasn't my choice, Olivia. I didn't want to have it out there, but I had to stop him now. Before he could hurt anyone else."

Something about what he said caught her attention. She pushed her hair back out of her face as her mind worked through it quickly. She froze, mid-motion when realization hit. Surely, he wouldn't have....

Very slowly, very calmly, she leaned down pressing another kiss to Emma's forehead and steered her over to her sister. Ava reached out for her immediately and, when she did, saw something in Olivia's eyes that made her draw Emma to her side and straighten quickly.

"Mom-"

Olivia didn't wait for her to finish speaking. She held up her hand, sharply cutting Ava off and stepped forward, close enough to Jeffrey that he was forced to stand up or have her tower over him. "What wasn't your choice, Jeffrey?"

"Olivia, let me explain before you jump to conclusions."

"No," she cut him off, putting a hand on his chest and pushing him. He fell back into a seat on the bench heavily. "Because I know that you are not telling me that you saw my daughters - _our daughter_, Jeffrey - in that park and you went after Edmund anyway. You forced a confrontation with him when it could have happened anytime, anywhere. You knew he would start shooting when he saw you and you did it anyway. They could have been killed, Jeffrey!"

"Mom!" This time Ava's cry was indignant and commanding. "You're scaring Emma," she hissed much more quietly, but no more gently.

"She's right, Olivia," Jeffrey said, not making an attempt to rise again, but leaning into the back of the bench comfortably as if it had been his choice to sit down there. "You need to relax. It's bad for your heart to get all worked up like this. Nothing happened to Emma or Ava. They're both fine. There's no need to dwell on it now."

But Olivia was too furious to be diverted by Jeffrey's casual comment, it only succeeded in angering her further. Her daughters had been in danger because of Jeffrey, because he had pursued Edmund and gotten into a gunfight with him in the middle of a public park in the middle of the day. Ava and Emma could have been hurt - could have died - because of Jeffrey and Edmund and this never-ending vendetta, and all Jeffrey had done was dismiss her concerns because the worst hadn't actually happened.

Olivia took a deep breath and tried to calm down. It didn't work. _She needed Natalia._ She dismissed the thought almost as soon as it had formed. She didn't want Natalia anywhere near this park or Jeffrey at the moment. Her hands trembled, not from fear or nerves, but from sheer uncontrollable anger.

"I've done dwelling, Jeffrey," Olivia spat out. "This is not dwelling. You endangered our daughter and you know what? If you had to do it over again, you would do the same thing. I've forgiven you for a lot of things, but I won't ever forgive you for that." She brushed past him, touching Emma's shoulder and guiding her gently toward her car. "C'mon, Jellybean. We're going home now."

She touched Ava's wrist as she moved past her, intending to bring Ava with them, but Ava jerked away from her. Olivia looked up into brown eyes flashing with anger as Ava took a step back from her, shaking her head.

"I have to stay and talk to the police," Ava said firmly.

"Frank knows where to find us if he needs to talk to you," Olivia countered in a tightly controlled voice.

"I want to stay with Dad until he's released." This time Ava couldn't keep the defiant edge out of her voice.

Olivia wanted to scream, rage, demand to know why Ava had always taken Jeffrey's side and refused to see her own, but she said nothing. Her left hand clenched into a fist, her knuckles turning white as she made an effort to choke it down. Only her other hand on Emma's shoulder kept her from losing it.

"Fine." If that was what Ava wanted...

* * *

She called Natalia once they were in the car and on their way to let Natalia know that Emma and Ava were both okay, but she kept the conversation short and clipped, telling Natalia nothing but that they were fine.

Olivia was worried about Emma, sitting in the backseat and staying unnaturally quiet for the whole drive back to the farmhouse. It was probably normal for her to be upset about the morning's events, Olivia reasoned. Anyone would have been terrified and Emma was still just a little girl - even if she often acted far older, smarter and braver than most little girls her age.

Seeing her normally vivacious daughter so withdrawn, however, was a cause for concern, and she darted glances at her in the rear view mirror all the way back to the farmhouse, her thoughts pinned on only one thing: getting back to Natalia and their home.

The moment Olivia had parked the car, Natalia came out the front door, pulling her long, grey sweater more tightly around her against the chill in the air. Her face was a mask of worry as Olivia and Emma walked toward her and the moment she saw Emma's still somber, worried face, she immediately held her arms out for her.

For the first time since she had found them at the park, Emma left Olivia's side and ran ahead of her as she usually did, and straight into Natalia's arms.

"What's wrong, baby?" Natalia asked, wrapping her arms around Emma and holding her close. She met Olivia's eyes with a questioning look, but what she saw there only worried her more. "Ava?" She mouthed to Olivia.

"She's fine," Olivia said firmly, but the hard set of her jaw didn't relax any at the words. "She'll be home later." Olivia let out a small sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. "It's a long story."

She couldn't keep from reaching out to put her hand on Emma's shoulder. She needed the contact to reassure her that Emma really was all right. Hearing screams and gunshots through her cell phone and not knowing what was happening to her daughters had been one of the most terrifying moments of her life.

Tears began to well in her eyes and she sucked in a deep breath, holding it for a long moment to push back the emotion that she had buried until she could make certain that everything was okay. Coming back home and seeing Natalia seemed to have signaled to her body that it was okay to let out all of the emotions she had been holding back, but she couldn't let herself break down yet. She needed to be strong for Emma and not frighten her any more than she already had been.

"Come on," Natalia said softly. "Let's go inside." Her hand brushed up against Olivia's, her finger stroking the palm of her hand until Olivia reached back and slid their fingers together. Immediately Olivia felt calmer as she allowed Natalia to lead both of them inside.

"You know what?" Natalia asked as they stood in the small living room. "I think we could all use some hot chocolate right now. What do you think, Emma? Would you help me?"

Emma nodded, her face brightening for the first time since Olivia had brought her home from the park.

"Great. Thank you," Natalia said with an answering as Emma took her other hand and began to pull her toward the kitchen. She squeezed Olivia's arm reassuringly, and brushed her lips with a brief, chaste kiss. "It's going to be okay," she said for Olivia's ears only.

Olivia tried to muster a smile, grateful for what Natalia was doing, distracting Emma, cheering her up and keeping her occupied, but it was a poor imitation of her usual happiness. Worry for Emma had distracted her from thoughts of Ava and her anger at Jeffrey and what he had done, but now, left on her own in the living room with nothing to distract her, it was all coming back.

Olivia paced from one side of the small room to the other, trying to calm her racing thoughts, but it only seemed to make it worse. Jeffrey's patronizing voice, dismissing her concerns and urging her to calm down for the sake of her heart echoed in her head. Funny, she thought angrily, how Natalia expressing the same thoughts would have stopped her, if not for her own sake, then because the worry, clearly evident in Natalia's voice would have tugged at her heart until she stopped and calmed for Natalia's sake. With Jeffrey his concern was not the same real worry for her, but a convenient excuse, a way to calm the furious woman in front of him to avoid being forced to take responsibility for the disastrous consequences his actions could very well have resulted in.

A knock on the door startled Olivia out of her thoughts. Her expression darkened, wondering who could be at their door now. There weren't that many uninvited guests who made their way this far out of town just for a casual visit. For one second, Olivia thought of the gun she kept locked securely away upstairs. If Edmund had an accomplice....

"Olivia?" Natalia called out softly from the kitchen. "Can you get that?"

"I've got it," she answered, the decision made for her, and opened the door. Expecting the worst it was a relief to see Ava standing on the porch. "You don't have to knock," Olivia said, confused as she stood back to let Ava inside. "The door's never locked anyway." She made a mental note to talk to Natalia about that. It was different, living out here in the country, but it was probably as good a time as any to start being more careful. Olivia couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to their family.

Ava shook her head as she stepped inside. "It doesn't matter. I can't stay anyway. I'm going to stay with Jeffrey."

Her lips pursed into a thin line before she could control her expression and the headache that she had mostly been ignoring began to throb.

"He's not in jail?"

"Of course not!" Ava snapped, her voice full of disbelief. "Everything supports what he said, Mom. Edmund started shooting first; it was self-defense. Why can't you believe him?"

"Belief has nothing to do with it, Ava," Olivia said firmly. She was actually surprised that Frank hadn't thrown him in jail, at least not until more time had passed and he'd had time to fully sort the situation out. Maybe it was Jeffrey's Justice Department connections working on his behalf again.

"Then what does it have to do with, Mom? You haven't given him a chance since the minute you saw him. You keep blaming him for everything."

She resisted the urge to remind Ava that it _was_ Jeffrey's fault. If he hadn't pushed Edmund and forced a confrontation at the moment, they had no way to know that Edmund would have done anything. After all, the horrible thing about Edmund had been his unpredictability, his moments of sanity.

"Don't you think you should give him some time, honey? I'm sure he needs to find some place to stay and he has a lot to work out with Reva and Colin."

Ava bit her lip. Olivia had a sudden feeling that she wasn't going to like what Ava was about to say.

"I told him he could stay at the Beacon," Ava said in a quiet voice.

Yep, suspicions confirmed. "At the Beacon? Absolutely not." The words flew out of her mouth before she could reconsider them. Damn it, this wasn't going well and she was trying. Why couldn't Ava understand that she was trying to protect her and their family?

Ava froze. "Why not?"

"Because he's dangerous. Can't you see that? Having him around is dangerous."

"Edmund is dead. No one else has any reason to come after Dad."

"They say Edmund is dead. Do you know how many times Edmund has been declared dead? A lot. Jeffrey is in danger right now, Ava. Whether you want to admit it or not. Even if Edmund is finally dead, the people who worked for him aren't, and they will fulfill his wishes. I don't want you or Emma anywhere near him when that happens. Do you understand me?"

Ava laughed. "Do I understand you? I'm not Emma, Olivia, and you can't forbid me to do anything. It doesn't work that way."

Being called Olivia after having been "Mom" just moments before was like a slap in the face. Olivia vaguely recognized that she and Ava hadn't fought this way in years, but she was too caught up in Ava's words and the emotions that they had stirred within her to give it much thought. Of course their truce hadn't lasted. They were so much alike and the bonds between them, while strengthened by hardships weathered together, were still fragile in unexpected places.

"It doesn't matter, Ava. You shouldn't be around Jeffrey right now and if he was thinking he would agree with me. You need to stay here," Olivia said forcefully. "With us."

"Oh, God." Another disbelieving laugh spilled out of Ava. "I get it now. You're jealous of Jeffrey, because I want to stay with him instead. Can't you just let me spend some time with Dad without all of this? I thought he was dead!"

"I know, sweetheart." It was the first time that Olivia's voice had mellowed during the conversation, responding instinctively to the pain in her daughter's voice. "But it's not safe. Jeffrey knowingly put both you and Emma in danger. I cannot accept that."

"It's not your choice," Ava countered. "It's mine."

"And you can accept the fact that he knew that you and Emma were standing right there, in the park, and he went after Edmund anyway? He knows Edmund, Ava, what he'll do in any given situation. And Edmund is one mad bastard. He would have gone after you and Emma - even if he didn't recognize you - because he knew that would hurt Jeffrey the most. He had no limits when he's threatened and Jeffrey pushed him. That is not the behavior of a responsible man or caring father."

"Don't talk to me about caring parents," Ava snapped back. She shook her head, staring at Olivia with disbelief on her features. "You have no room to talk about endangering me, but I forgave you. You can't forgive him though, can you? I thought you two were finally friends, but this...were you happy he was dead, Mom? Did that make everything okay for you?"

"Ava..." She was staggered by the accusation. "That's- I can't believe you would think that."

But Ava shook her head. "I have to go. Dad's still at the police station and I don't know where he's going to stay so I have to get back. His cell got ruined. I just wanted to pick up my things and let you know where I would be."

"Ava," Olivia called out. She didn't want the conversation to end this way, leaving it on this note wouldn't be good. "Don't go." It was all she could think to say and she knew it wouldn't be enough.

Ava paused, her hand on the door. "I'm sorry, Mom," she said quietly. "I have to."

**(2/?)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** The Importance of Family  
**Fandom: **Guiding Light  
**Characters: **Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Ava Peralta, Emma Spencer, Jeffrey O'neil  
**Category:** Angst, but the good kind. Romance, Drama.  
**Rating:** R...I'm gonna say because there are some disturbing themes explored in here and some violence, although I don't think either is described in graphic detail. **  
Word count: **5,199  
**Summary:** Life goes on. Sometimes it throws you a curveball and you never know what's coming your way on any given day.  
**Spoilers: **Takes place around Thanksgiving '10, and includes the events of the finale.  
**Author's Note: **This fic is solely for **kelltwomyn**. I was bemoaning the fact that I wasn't going to be able to afford a Venice subscription and she swooped in and got when for me when I said I'd be willing to offer fic in exchange. I hope this fic is both somewhat what you were hoping for and also worth your ten bucks and the wait. I really have enjoyed Venice so far. Thank you. :)  
**Beta:** Many thanks to **q_wordy13** for beta'ing this for me! Your insights, comments, suggestions and encouragement have all been very much appreciated! :D  
**Disclaimer: **All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.  
**Warning: **This story eventually deals with Olivia's rape. I don't think it's discussed graphically, but I don't want anyone to stumble upon it unaware either.  


* * *

**Part Three**

Olivia stared at the door for a long moment. Ava wouldn't be coming back in. She knew that. Ava was her daughter and for two people who had spent so little time together in the grand scheme of things, they were so very much alike. Ava had her temper and her stubbornness, which made for a very unpleasant situation when they argued, neither woman willing to back down.

There was a heartbeat, a moment, where she considered going after Ava, pleading with her to stay instead of demanding it. It wouldn't work, but her worry for her daughter was so great that she actually took a step forward before she could stop herself. Turning away from temptation, Olivia glanced around the now deserted living room. It was as unsatisfying as it had been before Ava came in. There was nothing here to soothe her raging thoughts or give her the answers she needed but did not have. What she needed was Natalia.

The thought stopped her short. _Natalia._ She hadn't told her anything yet, and she was being remarkably patient about asking. She had known that something was very badly wrong since Olivia had left the house earlier, but she hadn't pushed or asked again once she had made certain everyone was okay. It was hard for Olivia to imagine that kind of patience. She always had to know, had to make certain that everything was okay. But now she couldn't. Ava had stood firm on that. So now she needed to go and talk to Natalia, let her know what was going on and to check on Emma and make sure her youngest daughter was still okay. She was such a strong, brave little girl, but she was still just a little girl.

"There you are," Natalia said with a smile that looked just a little bit forced to Olivia. "Emma was starting to wonder where you were and if you'd changed your mind about hot chocolate."

"We made you some, Mommy," Emma said, carefully grabbing a full mug off the table and holding it out to Olivia. The mug in front of her was half-empty and only a thin white layer of foam remained as an indication that there had once been marshmallows on top.

"Thanks, Em," she replied, taking the mug from her with a smile that she didn't feel and a sip of the lukewarm liquid because she knew it was required. At this point she would do anything to cheer up her younger daughter, since she'd failed so spectacularly with her eldest.

"Can I take the rest of my hot chocolate up to my room?" Emma blurted out. "Ava told me she was going to beat me at video games later and I want to practice."

"About that," Olivia spoke carefully. "I'm not sure if Ava's going to be back later."

"But she just got here," Emma whined. "Why did she have to go already? Is it because of what happened in the park? It wasn't her fault, Mommy. I was the one who wanted to go."

"No, of course it's not your fault." Olivia reassured her immediately, holding out her arm to the little girl, who quickly got up and walked into her arms. "It has nothing to do with that, baby. She just wanted to spend some time with Jeffrey." Natalia's little gasp at the unexpected name didn't escape her attention, but she didn't take her eyes off Emma. "It's been a while since they've seen each other." How to explain dead fathers who kept coming back to life? She had no idea. "But I'm sure she'll be back to spend some time with you later." _Hopefully._

"Okay," Emma still seemed a little bit disappointed. Her frown turned a bit more questioning. "But can I still go practice for when she gets here?"

Olivia laughed softly at Emma's persistence. "Sure you can." She was relieved to see a little bit more of Emma's bubbly nature returning but she couldn't resist giving her one last tight hug before Emma ran for the stairs.

"Don't spill your chocolate," she called out after her, knowing even as she did that it would fall on deaf ears.

Olivia sighed as she saw Natalia sink into the recently vacated seat beside her. A finger ran slowly across her open palm and Olivia immediately reached for her hand. She felt better just having Natalia to hold on to. She brought their hands to her lips and placed a kiss on Natalia's knuckles.

"You want to tell me what happened?" Natalia asked gently, as if the actual details weren't that important. She still wasn't pushing and Olivia was grateful.

She managed to convey the details as succinctly as possible, not leaving out the more colorful exchanges she'd had with Jeffrey and Ava but not providing a play-by-play description of them either.

"Okay," Natalia said simply, when she finally came to the end, just having explained about Ava's absence.

Olivia arched a disbelieving eyebrow. "Okay? That's it? Don't you have something else to say?"

"Not at the moment." Natalia stood and put her hand on Olivia's shoulder. "Right now, I need to go check on Francesca, and I want to look in on Emma and make sure she's okay. Then I think we need to talk."

"About?" Olivia asked, rising to follow her.

"About what's really bothering you," Natalia said simply.

"What's really-" Olivia bit her words off and started over. "Two of my daughters could have been shot - or worse - today, Natalia. That's what's bothering me. That and the fact that Jeffrey doesn't seem to care."

"Nope, that's not it," Natalia said simply. "I know you, Olivia, and I know that something else is going on."

Olivia pulled away, crossing her arms over her chest. "I think I would know better than you what's going on with me."

The wail of a thin cry from upstairs broke the growing tension.

"Can you get her?" Natalia asked. "I'll get her food ready."

Olivia accepted the temporary truce and went to get Francesca. She was crying in her crib and making her displeasure well known. Her face was red and blotchy and tears were tracing down her chubby little cheeks. The sight of her, clearly looking unhappy tugged at Olivia's heart. She crossed the room to her quickly and picked her up.

Francesca began to quiet almost immediately in her arms, comforted by the familiar sight and scent of her.

"It's not that bad, is it, Sweetheart?" Olivia asked rhetorically as the unmistakable smell of a dirty diaper hit her. With her free hand she gently wiped the tears from Francesca's cheeks and kissed the top of her head. She lingered there; her cheek pressed against the thick, downy-soft ringlets on top of her head, and closed her eyes, soaking in the peace of the moment.

Francesca didn't judge, argue or need an explanation. With her, when it was just she and Olivia, it was so simple. Francesca needed her and she was there. It was no more difficult than that. There were no gray areas or misunderstandings. Francesca couldn't argue with her or chose to put herself in danger.

With a sigh, Olivia opened her eyes and dismissed her wistful, frustrated thoughts. It was time to get down to business. Fairly dirty business, she concluded, a few seconds later as she pulled off Francesca's diaper and began the process of replacing it as she struggled to keep Francesca in place. Her littlest girl was now well skilled in the art of crawling and was beginning to progress onto walking. It took diaper changing duties to a whole new level of fun.

Finally with a quieted, freshly diapered Francesca in her arms, Olivia started back down the stairs and then stopped. She turned back and hesitated just outside the door to Emma's room. With the tip of her boots, she nudged it open a little bit more so she could see inside. She caught a glimpse of Emma through the thin strip of her room that it revealed. For once, Olivia was happy to see her so deeply involved with a video game that she didn't notice she was standing there. There was also a slight smile at the edge of her lips, despite the look of fierce concentration that dominated the rest of her face. It eased something in Olivia's heart to see her smiling again. Maybe Emma hadn't been totally traumatized by the events of the morning.

Letting the door fall shut again, Olivia retreated, heading down to Natalia. Francesca squirmed in her arms, obviously wide awake now and full of energy, forcing her to put a gentle hand on her back to keep her from over-balancing right out of Olivia's arms.

"If Em's my Jellybean, then you're definitely my Wiggle-worm," Olivia pronounced, nodding firmly at her daughter as if the matter was settled as they passed through the living room.

Francesca grabbed for her hair, moving tantalizingly close with each nod of Olivia's head, but Olivia swept it out of reach at the last instant with a well practiced toss of her head.

"Your daughter," she said pointedly, as she plopped Francesca down in her high chair and got her situated. "Is a wild woman."

Natalia snorted. "Oh, my daughter, huh? I think that's all your influence."

Olivia wrinkled her nose in mock-annoyance. "Why is it always my fault?" Somehow her words came out with a bit more frustration than she had intended - real frustration.

Natalia stopped mid-motion, a spoonful of mashed - well, Olivia wasn't certain what it was, but she was glad she wasn't the one who had to eat it - hovering mid-air a few inches away from Francesca's waiting mouth.

Olivia winced, knowing that Natalia hadn't deserved to draw her ire. She wasn't the one that was upsetting Olivia. She opened her mouth to apologize, but Natalia spoke first.

"It isn't your fault," she said softly, keeping her gaze firmly pinned to Olivia's, knowing that they were no longer discussing Francesca's wilder tendencies. "Why would it be?"

"Because it always is," Olivia said facetiously, as she watched Natalia finally follow through on Francesca's first bite. "I ruined Ava's life, didn't I? I-" She bit off that the thought, the rest of what she had done to Ava. Natalia put her children first, had put Rafe first her whole life. Could she forgive Olivia for what she had done before she had known that Ava was hers?

"You didn't ruin her life," Natalia said firmly. "You did what you had to, what you thought was best for her at the time."

"Did I?" Olivia had always thought of herself as a good mother. Maybe not the most experienced and there were times she had felt over her head, but she had always put Emma first. Always. She had tried to do the right thing, but with Ava.... It was difficult to remember what she had been thinking and feeling back then. The loss of her mother had been devastating in its own way, and with it all of life's practicalities had come crashing down suddenly on Olivia's shoulders.

She was responsible not just for herself, but for an older sister and a brother who was barely three years old. Money was short and what there was had gone to cover the necessities of her mother's funeral and their living expenses in the first few months before she had been able to find a job. By the time she had managed to scrape together the money for the abortion she had begged her mother for it had been far too late.

After that, it hadn't been easy to give Ava away exactly, but it had seemed necessary. The three of them were barely scraping by as it was, and Olivia was constantly discovering expenses that she'd had no idea about before. She couldn't imagine trying to find the money necessary to support a baby that she hadn't wanted to begin with on top of it all. So she had signed the papers that would let them take Ava away and give her to someone who could provide a better home and life for her, and she had tried not to look too closely at the baby that she had held in her arms for such a brief period of time.

Whatever else she might not be able to remember, she recalled clearly the moment they had come to take Ava from her. There had been a moment of terror, when her arms had curled around her child and she was never going to let her go. In that moment, Ava had been completely hers and then the reality of the situation had come hurtling back. She remembered how much she had not wanted this child, this reminder of what had been done to her, and the impossibility of her situation and she opened her arms.

The nurse had scooped Ava up and lifted her away from Olivia and all she had felt was a bitter sense of relief.

It was an act that had haunted Olivia through most of her adult life. She had forced the memory away, refusing to dwell on it, but it had eaten at her in the most subtle of ways, constantly there even if she chose not to acknowledge it.

"Of course you did," Natalia said with gentle firmness, moving around Francesca's high chair until she was close enough to touch Olivia, putting her hand on her arm.

Olivia shook her head. Natalia always seemed to see the best in her. Most of the time it made her want to be a better person, to live up to what Natalia saw in her, but this time Olivia knew she was wrong.

"You weren't there," she said quietly. "I didn't want her, Natalia." She forced herself to look up at Natalia. "I didn't just want to give her up for adoption. I told my mother that I wanted an abortion." She remembered the way that Natalia had reacted when Daisy had gotten an abortion so she was expecting some sign of disapproval from her - a grimace, a furrowed brown, her eyes narrowing in judgment. She got none of those things.

"You didn't go through with it." Natalia said as if that made all the difference.

Olivia laughed bitterly and shook her head. "It's not what you're thinking."

"What am I thinking?" Natalia asked.

"That I got to the clinic and had a sudden change of heart, realized that I couldn't kill my baby. Something like that. It wasn't."

"Then what did happen?"

Olivia hesitated. She didn't really want to have this conversation with Natalia. She had a choice. She could tell her everything or she could come up with some half-truth that would satisfy Natalia's curiosity without revealing the darkest secrets of her own past. It would be a lie of omission, nothing more. But half-truths and evasions had led them to a wedding where Olivia had stood by and watched Natalia prepare to marry a man she didn't love and walk away from her forever. She didn't want to repeat those mistakes.

Her decision, however, didn't make it any less terrifying. She had already lost Natalia once, losing her again...

"I killed my mother."

There was a moment of silence, where her words seemed to hang heavily in between them. Once again she was holding her breath, waiting for Natalia to react badly, to find out that she had finally managed to push this good woman too far. Instead, Natalia put down the jar of baby food and spoon, setting them down on the table, and passed the Sippy cup into Francesca's outstretched hands, while never breaking eye-contact with Olivia. Then Natalia rose and eliminated the distance between them.

She picked up Olivia's hands and drew them to her, holding them to her chest, just above her heart. Olivia trembled within her grip, knowing that Natalia could break her with just one word. Her eyes fell closed, unable to meet Natalia's gaze this time. How could she? Her breathing began to speed up and the urge to pull her hands away from Natalia's grasp intensified.

"Olivia." Natalia spoke her name firmly enough that her eyes snapped open of their own volition. Letting go with one hand, she reached out to cup Olivia's cheek and titled her head up to meet her gaze. "You need to calm down."

There was nothing Natalia could have said that would have surprised her more. "What?"

"You need to calm down," Natalia repeated. Her hand dropped to Olivia's chest. "Your heart is racing and if you don't slow down, you're going to hyperventilate. Please, Sweetheart."

It was the simple plea and the endearment that followed it that managed to seep through the fear that had been growing and growing inside of her, throwing her thoughts into chaos. She was still too panicked to reply, but she nodded and struggled to take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Then another.

Natalia pulled her forward, wrapping an arm around her neck and drawing her closer. Olivia let her head sink forward onto Natalia's shoulder and buried her face in the thick cloud of her hair. Its familiar scent calmed and soothed her, until her breathing began to steady. The solid, warmth of Natalia's body pressed against her was its own kind of balm. Natalia had heard what she had said, become witness to one of her deepest secrets and she hadn't run away. In fact she was standing even closer to her than before the conversation had begun.

There was a slight thud and then a thin, unhappy wail shattered the silence. Olivia loosened her grip on Natalia and eased away from her enough that she could see Francesca.

"You should feed her. She's hungry," Olivia said, her voice hoarse from the strain of moments before and glad for the diversion in the form of her youngest daughter.

"I'll do that," Natalia said, letting her hand run down Olivia's arms until their fingers tangled together. Gently, she tugged Olivia toward the table and sank to a seat in front of Francesca. "Tell me what happened." Their arms where stretched out between them, but Natalia refused to let go of Olivia. Finally she sank into a seat, her free hand coming up to rub at the bridge of her nose.

"I don't know how to tell you this. There's so much."

"Start at the beginning," Natalia suggested simply as she deftly reopened the jar of baby food and scooped out a spoonful, brushing it against Francesca's lips until she opened up.

Her fingers clenched tightly around Natalia's as she thought about everything that entailed. She opened her mouth, not certain what she was going to say even as she did. What came out was nothing that she had expected.

"My father called me his little princess. He was the only one. He made me feel special and safe and he understood me like no one else did." Her lips twitched with a remembered smile. "When I got into trouble, he would laugh." Her smile faded. "My mother just got angrier and angrier because no matter how hard I tried, I could never stay out of trouble." Her lips curved bitterly upwards. "Eventually I just stopped trying. It was more fun that way, and I was going to get into trouble no matter what I did."

"Olivia..." The understanding in Natalia's voice was almost her undoing. She couldn't hold her gaze and instead she looked away to Francesca. She ran a hand over her loose curls, combing her fingers through silky hair and stroking her head tenderly, almost reverently.

"There was this ball. I was sixteen and I wanted to go so badly. I, it was this fairy tale to me. I thought if could go to this ball and fit in there, that it would be magical and spectacular. I would be a princess and I would find some Prince Charming who could sweep me away from it all. He could take me away from my mother and I could do and be whatever I wanted. I wouldn't have to worry about not having anything that I wanted ever again." Olivia took a deep breath. "Of course, I knew _she _wouldn't want me to go. I thought she was trying to hold me back, that she was jealous. That she didn't want me to have what she couldn't." She looked up to meet Natalia's eyes then. "She was just trying to protect me. She didn't want anything to happen to me, but I went anyway."

Natalia's hand had stilled and she was biting the corner of her lip. Her attention had shifted completely from Francesca and back to Olivia.

"It was just as wonderful as I had imagined. I had to talk my way in but I was so excited when I managed it. I couldn't quite believe I'd done it, and there was this boy there. A young man really, who had helped me convince them that it was alright for me to be there. We danced and he made me feel safe and special. He gave me punch and I felt so grown up. I drank it and drank it until I wasn't feeling good anymore. I told him I needed to lay down. He told me he would help me and I trusted him." She shook her head, before giving Francesca's head one last caress and letting her hand fall away. She swallowed. "I passed out at some point, and when I woke up the next morning, I knew what had happened. Then I had to go home and pretend nothing had happened, because there was no way I could tell my mother."

"What happened?" Natalia prompted her softly.

As the silence had stretched out in front of them, the look in Olivia's eyes had grown more and more distant until it began to worry Natalia. She felt a brief pang of regret that she had made her recount what was obviously a very painful period of her life, but she was only just realizing that there was so much about Olivia that she hadn't known. There was so much that she still didn't know. Intellectually she had known that there were large parts of their lives that they hadn't discussed, but it hadn't seemed like a big deal at the time. She knew everything she needed to know about Olivia and the kind of woman that she was. She knew that she loved and trusted her and that was enough.

What she was discovering this afternoon was that it wasn't always a simple as leaving the past in the past. It changed and defined a person, making them who they were today because of the choices they had made. Beginning to get a small picture of some of the things that had occurred in Olivia's past, it left her in awe of the strong, stubborn, wonderful, loving woman that she wanted to share the rest of her life with.

"Your mother found out somehow," Natalia added, gently, reaching out touch her wrist, leaving her fingers resting there. She didn't want to startle Olivia, but she needed the reassurance of that connection to Olivia. She hoped that it would help Olivia too. "You told me that much."

Olivia nodded jerkily, but it was a response, the first she had gotten in a while, and relief surged in her. It didn't keep her from noticing the tears that slipped down Olivia's cheek or the way that she titled her face up away from Natalia, trying futilely to hide her tears. Not attempting to turn Olivia back to, Natalia brought her hands up to Olivia's face and wiped the traitorous tears away.

"When I figured out that I was pregnant, I had to tell her," Olivia said, her voice hoarse and tight. She looked back to Natalia and her eyes pleaded for understanding and forgiveness that she wouldn't ever ask for. "I wanted - I had to have - an abortion, Natalia. I couldn't think of anything else. I couldn't have his child. I couldn't."

"I know," Natalia soothed, her thumbs still tracing over Olivia's cheeks, even though her tears had long since been brushed away.

Olivia caught her wrists, and pulled her hands gently away from her face. "How can you say that? I know how you feel about _that._"

Her chin trembled at the thought of what she was about to say. There was no way that Natalia could do anything but be completely honest with Olivia, not after she had been sitting here and baring her soul to her for the last half hour, but she hadn't admitted this to anyone before. Not even the nuns at the retreat. Especially not them.

She leaned forward until her lips were a breath away from Olivia's ear. There was no way she could say this aloud if she saw Olivia looking back at her. With one last glance back at her daughter, she turned and spoke so that only Olivia could hear her.

"Do you really think the thought never crossed my mind when I found out-" _about Francesca. _But saying her daughter's name in connection with that sentence, with her daughter sitting in the high chair next to them, that she can't do. "When I found out I was pregnant again."

Olivia's hands clenched tightly around Natalia's wrists. "I didn't know."

"I know." Natalia took a deep breath and then another. "I'm not proud of myself for thinking it, Olivia, but I do understand. I don't blame you."

"My mother did - blame me, I mean. She said I got what I had coming."

"I'm sorry," Natalia said, and she meant it. "No one should say that to their child. I can't imagine." A sudden horrible thought occurred to her. "You do know she was wrong, don't you?"

"Was she, Natalia? If I hadn't gone..."

"It wasn't appropriate for a sixteen year old to attend that kind of party," Natalia said firmly, drawing a slightly startled look from Olivia at her tone. "But you should still been safe. That boy," her voice trembled with rage. "He was the one that took advantage of you, who did something wrong. He was, Olivia. Not you."

"It doesn't matter," Olivia dismissed it, with a shake of her head. "I went; it happened. Now, I just have to..." As she spoke, Olivia's grip on her wrists had loosened, falling away with the urgency of their conversation, lost in this new thought that had struck her. "Do you think she was right?"

Natalia didn't miss the aching vulnerability of her final question. All of her determination and stubborn insistence had drained away and she was left with the broken, scared sixteen year old girl whose life would never be the same. Then it was Natalia's turn to cradle Olivia's hands close to her, needing their connection. It was rare that she had ever seen Olivia so lost and it frightened her every time. Olivia was the strongest person that she had ever known, stronger than Natalia had ever realized and to see her so shaken by the demons within her made Natalia's heart ache.

"Right about what?" Natalia asked. She was almost afraid to ask, not because she was worried about discovering something else about Olivia, but this day had already seen enough traumatic events and draining realizations. She didn't want to see one more hurt piled on top of Olivia.

"About being glad Jeffrey was dead," Olivia answered, her voice almost completely devoid of any tone.

"No one would blame you, if you were," Natalia said, her voice as cold as Olivia had ever heard it. She had known that the abortion Olivia had considered getting involved Ava. Given that Jeffrey was Ava's father it only made sense that he was the boy who had raped Olivia. There had been no particular point in the conversation where Natalia had become aware of that, but she had known it. It had taken Olivia bringing him into the conversation for Natalia to realize the anger that had been growing slowly and steadily inside her from the first moment it had become clear what Olivia was confessing to her.

_That man_ had been in her house, sat at their table, and shared a drink with them. He had spilled his woes to them, expecting and receiving friendship and sympathy and once upon a time been _married _to Olivia. It made Natalia's stomach want to revolt more than any horrible bout of morning sickness ever had. She swallowed, pushing back what she was feeling for Olivia's sake. There would time for her to rage and cry and swear to never let Jeffrey inside the farmhouse or within sight of Olivia ever again, later.

Her eyes flicked back up just in time to catch another slight shake of Olivia's head.

"I don't....I hated him for so long, Natalia. It was like this thing inside me that burned. It consumed me. I hated him for what he had done to me, and there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't make him pay and that made me hate him more." Olivia's eyes fell shut. "The problem was that I hated him so completely that it was destroying everything else in my life, everything good. I had to stop hating Jeffrey before I could love anyone else." She frowned. "Anyone besides Emma." She hesitated again. "I never wanted that part of my life to touch her," Olivia confided, in a whisper.

"It hasn't," Natalia reassured her immediately. She couldn't stop herself from reaching out to run her fingers down Olivia's cheek and brushing a lock of escaped hair back behind her ear, even if she did move slower than she usually would have, careful not to startle her. "You're amazing."

The wonder in her voice snapped Olivia's eyes open. "What are you talking about?" She asked warily.

"I've seen you with, Jeffrey. You treat him like a friend."

"I had to for my sake and for Ava's sake. She needed both of her parents and after everything I had done to her-" And she still hadn't told Natalia about _that_ "-it seemed like the least I could do." She shrugged. "Eventually I didn't have to pretend anymore."

"And that's what makes you amazing. You were friends with him, Olivia. You forgave him." She slid her fingers over Olivia's lips when she started to protest. "Do you know how many devout people could have done that? I'll tell you: not many."

Olivia stared at her for a long moment and Natalia held her gaze steadily, hoping that Olivia could see something of how she saw Olivia in her eyes, because it was wonderful. _She_ was wonderful.

Without a word, Olivia held up her hands and just as she had once, months before, Natalia knew immediately what she was asking, slipping her arms around Olivia and holding her close. She would never let go, not as long as Olivia needed to hang on.

**(3/?)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** The Importance of Family  
**Fandom: **Guiding Light  
**Characters: **Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Ava Peralta, Emma Spencer, Jeffrey O'neil  
**Category:** Angst, but the good kind. Romance, Drama.  
**Rating:** R...I'm gonna say because there are some disturbing themes explored in here and some violence, although I don't think either is described in graphic detail. **  
Word count: **4,191  
**Summary:** Life goes on. Sometimes it throws you a curveball and you never know what's coming your way on any given day.  
**Spoilers: **Takes place around Thanksgiving '10, and includes the events of the finale.  
**Author's Note: **This fic is solely for **kelltwomyn**. I was bemoaning the fact that I wasn't going to be able to afford a Venice subscription and she swooped in and got when for me when I said I'd be willing to offer fic in exchange. I hope this fic is both somewhat what you were hoping for and also worth your ten bucks and the wait. I really have enjoyed Venice so far. Thank you. :)  
**Beta:** Many thanks to **q_wordy13** for beta'ing this for me! Your insights, comments, suggestions and encouragement have all been very much appreciated! :D  
**Disclaimer: **All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.  
**Warning: **This story eventually deals with Olivia's rape. I don't think it's discussed graphically, but I don't want anyone to stumble upon it unaware either.  


* * *

**Part Four**

The distinctive click of high heels on concrete caught Natalia's attention a moment before she heard someone fumbling with the door handle. Her eyes widened and she glanced over at Olivia sharply. They had decided to lock the farmhouse up tight that evening and to make it a habit for evenings to come. Edmund might be dead and the apparent, immediate threat gone, but both she and Olivia would feel much better knowing that they weren't taking any chances with the safety of their daughters.

Olivia shook her head - they weren't expecting anyone - but didn't move. Emma was sprawled across her lap, where she had fallen asleep wedged tightly in between them on the couch, halfway through the movie. Both of them had probably spent more time watching her sleep than watching the movie, and Olivia's hand had stroked soothingly through Emma's hair in one continuous motion, reassuring herself that Emma was really there and that she was all right.

Natalia was just rising to go to the door when there was a loud impatient knock. It startled Emma out of the light doze that she had fallen into and she jerked up out of her mother's lap. Olivia's arms surrounded her immediately, pulling Emma back into her chest and whispering soothing words to her. A certain tightness in her jaw was the only indication of how it pained her to see her daughter so frightened and jumpy. She wanted her irrepressible, fearless Jellybean back.

"It's just someone at the door, Emma," Natalia explained as she rose, exchanging a quick, slightly worried glance with Olivia as she did. She caught the tension in Olivia's eyes immediately: they were stormy and full of turmoil. Olivia was torn between her need to stay by Emma and comfort their daughter and her desire to be the one to open that door. Once again, she was trying to protect Natalia and keep her away from any possible harm. That wasn't how it worked anymore, however. They were a team, partners in the truest since of the word, and whether Olivia liked it or not, that was the way it was now. They protected one another, fought with and for the other and loved each other. That was how it worked.

Taking strength from what she saw in Olivia's eyes, Natalia crossed the room, striding toward the door with determination and not anxiety. There was every chance that this was nothing more threatening than Frank dropping by without remembering to call first. Irritating, but hardly more than that. After all, it had happened numerous times before and would surely happen numerous more times, and yet they were all still here.

"Ava?" Natalia could honestly say that the young woman standing before her was the last person that she had expected to see. It was true that she had only met Ava briefly before this visit, but despite that the impression that Natalia had gathered of her was of a woman very like her mother, despite the years that they had spent apart. Today had done nothing to change that impression, so Ava's appearance was nothing short of a complete surprise. She had expected absence and cold silence and then, with Ava's return sharp words and angry lashing out. What she had not expected was for Ava to return so soon, no longer nursing a wounded heart.

"Just thought I'd drop by," Ava spoke a little too loudly, and Natalia winced.

She glanced instinctively at the baby monitor sitting on the end table nearest Olivia. It wasn't as if she could see Francesca restlessly stirring through the monitor. Despite Olivia's insistence on everything being state of the art and the newest, latest and best, Natalia had drawn the line at a video monitoring system in the nursery. It felt intrusive, less like a home and more like an institution, and she didn't want anything like that for their little girl. Through her worry for Francesca, however, Natalia didn't miss the subtle way that Olivia shifted Emma to the side, so that she was free to move.

"I wanted to come see my _big, happy _family." It was impossible to miss the sarcasm in her voice this time or the way her words were just slightly beginning to slur. "Is that a problem? Maybe I wasn't invited." Her words stung, as they had been intended too.

"Of course it isn't a problem," Natalia said, automatically making her voice soothing. "We just weren't expecting you. Come on in." The polite thing, of course, would be to ask after Jeffrey next, yet Natalia couldn't bring herself to do it, the words sticking in her throat.

"Oh, thanks." Unfortunately her tone didn't match her words.

Olivia rose off the couch, her expression shifting as she did, knowing and a little bit arrogant, just enough to drive whoever the look was directed at completely mad. Of course when Olivia looked at Natalia that way it drove her crazy too, but in an entirely different way. The fact that Olivia was looking at Ava like that, however, was not a good sign. Usually it was reserved for incompetent underlings or someone who had managed to insult someone that Olivia cared about.

"We were just finishing a movie," Natalia continued, as if she hadn't caught Ava's deliberately provocative tone. Battles with Olivia before and even after they had become friends had left Natalia with a strong sense of irritation at being mocked. Not that the irritation hadn't been there before, but before she hadn't wanted to fight back. Now she curbed that impulse, not because she feared being impolite, but for Olivia's sake. She didn't need to make this moment any worse than it was already shaping up to be.

"Someone fell asleep before the first half was over," Olivia said with a fond glance back over her shoulder at Emma. "She's had a long day." Her focus shifted back to Natalia and she seemed to silently plead for understanding. "Would you mind taking her up to bed? It's still early, but I think she's had it."

Natalia smiled genuinely for the first time since Ava had entered. "I'd love to." She stopped in front of Olivia and brushed her cheek with a kiss, a reminder that she was loved and that Natalia would always be there for her, in whatever way she needed her. For Olivia's ears only, she whispered, "I'll be back down whenever I finish reading her a story."

Olivia's head dipped into the crook of her neck for a moment, her hair hiding her expression for Ava. "I love you." The equally quiet words were both affirmation and thanks.

Natalia resisted the urge to kiss her again and slipped past her to kneel down in front of Emma. "Time for bed, little one," she said, letting her voice fill with all the fondness that she felt for her.

Groggily, Emma held her arms out, slipping them around Natalia's neck and scooting forward until her legs were around Natalia's waist and she clung to her like a limpet. She laid her head on Natalia's shoulder and almost immediately her breathing began to resume its previous deep, even cadence. Maybe that story wouldn't be necessary after all, Natalia thought to herself, as she hefted Emma's weight a little bit closer to her and rose.

Emma was getting a little bit big to be carried, but today was an exception for obvious reasons. Natalia balanced carefully on the way up the stairs and let out a sigh of relief when she got to the top, not so worried about falling, but more concerned about bumping into the wall and waking Emma. Usually she loved being a part of all the girl's night time rituals, but tonight she was anxious to get back downstairs to Olivia and Ava.

Natalia held her breath as she carefully pulled back the covers and lowered Emma to her mattress. It was only years of a mother's practice that allowed her to pull off the complicated maneuver without jarring Emma. She didn't exhale until after she had disentangled Emma's arms from around her neck and tucked the covers in around her. Placing one final kiss on Emma's forehead, Natalia finally began to ease out of the room, pausing at the door way to leave it cracked open. Usually she wouldn't worry, but tonight she wanted to be able to hear if Emma was having nightmares or called out for them.

With a quick glance at the stairs, Natalia changed direction and looked into the nursery. Francesca looked as content as the little angel that she was - when she was sleeping - her breathing just as deep and even as Emma's had been moments before. Satisfied now that both of her girls were sleeping peacefully and easy, Natalia could dive back into the fray. She hadn't been eager to leave Olivia alone, despite her obvious silent request to remove Emma from the situation before anything happened that they would all regret the next morning.

She had complied because she knew it was the best thing to do, but she had hated leaving Olivia alone to face Ava. She knew that there were still things that they couldn't face together. Some things, especially with their grown children, had to be handled differently, but knowing what she knew now about Olivia's past she wasn't about to stand by and let Ava hurt her without any regard for Olivia. She wouldn't let that happen; not in their own home, not in the one place above all others that was supposed to be safe and _theirs._

Natalia hesitated at the top of the stairs, bending forward to eavesdrop on the conversation unfolding downstairs. From the way that things had been going when she had left the room, it wasn't going to be a pleasant or quiet discussion, but there was always a chance that things had changed and settled in her absence. If Olivia and Ava were finally having the long-overdue conversation that they needed to be having, Natalia didn't want to get in the way.

"I didn't expect to see you tonight." Olivia said carefully, testing the water before diving in. Years before - before Natalia - she would have dived back in headfirst without consideration for any of the jagged rocks that might be hiding just beneath the surface, launching into the argument before Ava could get there first. She had been a take-no-prisoners kind of woman. In many ways she still was. Now she could admit how much it hurt to argue with Ava like this; she wanted something different than this endless battle between them, often deferred for another day when things were better, but still simmering below the surface waiting for a moment like this.

"If you don't want me here, then just say it. Jeffery did."

Olivia winced. "I'm sorry." What the hell had Jeffrey been thinking? Clearly he wasn't, or at least not about Ava. The anger at him that had barely subsided all day roared back to life. The one thing they could always - had always - agreed on was Ava and her importance in both of their lives. She had forgiven him for Ava and for herself, because Ava needed him to be a father, and now he had hurt her.

"Are you?" Ava asked bitterly. "Shouldn't you be happy that he doesn't want me? I'm finally free of his evil influences, right, Mom?" Ava was baiting her, spoiling for a fight.

"Ava, I am angry with your father, but not for the reasons that you think. I'm angry that he endangered you and Emma; I'm angry that he hurt you. Those are the only reasons."

Even from her perch on the stairs, Natalia could hear the way the tightness in Olivia's voice as she struggled to keep it even and calm. That was enough for her. Taking a deep breath, Natalia made her way down the rest of the stairs and crossed the living room to stand beside Olivia. She couldn't resist touching Olivia, reaching out to place a hand at her back. She needed the connection; she had a feeling they both did.

Ava looked startled at the reminder of her presence, actually stumbling slightly backwards on her unsteady feet. Olivia reached out instinctively and caught her elbow, steadying her, but Ava jerked out of her grasp, sending her stumbling even further backwards.

"Don't touch me," Ava said belligerently.

"I was trying to help you," Olivia countered, her irritation plain in her voice.

"I don't want your help."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Really? I hadn't noticed," she muttered sarcastically, under her breath.

Natalia winced, hoping that Ava wouldn't hear it. Ava was every bit as drunk as she had seemed when she first came in, and Olivia's comment was not helping.

"Ava, why don't you sit down," Natalia interjected. _Before you fall_, was probably best left unsaid. If she was anything like her mother, Ava would only be more resistant to doing what was best for her if someone pointed out the hazards of doing the opposite. And Ava was exhibiting some very Olivia like tendencies for someone who hadn't known her mother for the first twenty-something years of her life.

"Don't feel like it," Ava said grumpily, rubbing her shoulder where it had hit the wall, stopping her backwards stumble.

"Oh, stop being like this and sit down, Ava," Olivia snapped, rubbing the bridge of her nose. She couldn't believe they were doing this here and now. She hated that they were bringing this into Natalia's home, polluting it with their anger and the bitter hurts of their past.

"Don't tell me what to do," Ava snapped back. "You don't have the right-"

"Enough." Natalia was surprised by the strength of her own voice. It wasn't loud and she hadn't yelled, but something in it seemed to cut through the room, silencing all of its occupants. Even Olivia was staring at her with surprise. Of course, now that she had silence, she wasn't quite sure what to do with it. It was unnerving the way that both of them were staring at her. "You can't talk to Olivia like that." Her voice was quieter this time, when she spoke, a little bit shaky, but full of determination. "Not in _our _home." She held up her hand when Ava started to speak again. "I won't allow it."

"She's my mother. You can't tell me how to treat her." She still sounded angry, but confusion had begun to seep into her voice.

The look on her face made Natalia want to reach out and comfort her, but she knew that wasn't an option. It was a gesture that would be immediately and harshly rejected at the moment. "I can," Natalia said firmly, "Because I love your mother. I love her so much that I won't stand by and watch anyone hurt her - even when that person is her own daughter." She hesitated, knowing that what she was about to say was likely to make Ava even more upset, but that it needed to be said all the same. "Especially when I know that the only reason that you're lashing out at her is because you're hurt and scared."

Ava laughed, but it sounded thin and brittle. "You don't know anything about me. You're just some woman who barged into Olivia's life. She stole your husband and you gave her his heart. Who does that?"

"Ava," Olivia's voice cut sharply into her drunken ramble, but she wasn't paying any attention to what Olivia was saying.

"What's wrong with you? You just waltz into her life and then waltz back out again whenever you feel like it. You have no right to say that to me. You probably won't even be here the next time she needs you."

Just for an instant, Natalia froze, stricken into silence by the accusation in Ava's words. She had no intention of leaving Olivia ever again, of running away from them. She had been forced into facing every fear that she been avoiding when she had discovered that she was pregnant with Francesca and it had sent her running out of town. What she had ultimately discovered, however, was that worse than everything she had feared before, worse than Father Ray's disapproval, Frank's betrayed puppy dog looks, and Rafe's belligerent condemnation was the thought of losing Olivia. For a time it had been an all too real possibility and Natalia had vowed to herself that if by some miracle, Olivia did take her back - and she could consider no other option at the time - then she would never again do anything to betray Olivia's trust in her. She would prove everyday just how much she loved Olivia and that with her was where she wanted to be.

"You're wrong." Olivia's words broke the sudden silence in the room and brought both women's attention back to her immediately. It was Olivia's turn to step forward, moving to Natalia's side and wrapping an arm around her waist. "We have a family and a home here and she isn't going anywhere."

Natalia hardly noticed the tears that slipped down her cheeks. She knew Olivia had forgiven her. It hadn't been as easy as her instant decision - under pleasant duress - to move back in; it had taken time for Natalia to re-earn her trust, but it had happened. It still amazed her, however, to hear the certainty in Olivia's voice after everything she had done. She was a very lucky woman.

"And we want you to be a part of that, Baby," Olivia said, softening her voice and stepping close enough to Ava to reach out and touch her cheek. "I want you here, Ava. I want to be a part of your life; I want to be there for you when you need me, and to protect you from everything that could hurt you. That's all. I love you."

Ava's face crumpled, all of the anger draining out of her in an instant, replaced by tears that streamed down her face. "Mom?" She sounded so broken and hesitant. It tugged at Natalia's heart as she recognized the pain and request for forgiveness and acceptance implicit in that single word.

"It's okay," Olivia reassured her, letting go of Natalia to hold Ava, who fell dissolved in her arms.

"I'm sorry," Ava whispered. "I didn't mean-"

"I know," Olivia said calmly. "I know you didn't mean it."

* * *

It had taken several minutes to get Ava calmed down enough to stop crying now she sat awkwardly on the edge of the couch, a blanket around her shoulders and holding the mug of tea that Natalia had made for her. She was staring at it more than she drank from it, but when Natalia had offered to take it back, Ava had shook her head.

"I'm going to take her upstairs and get her settled," Olivia said quietly, as she came up from behind Natalia as she stood in the walkway from the kitchen, watching over Ava. "She's still pretty upset, but she's calmer now." She let out a sigh that only Natalia could hear and briefly laid her head on Natalia's shoulder. "We'll deal with everything else in the morning." Olivia raised her head and started to step past her, but Natalia caught her hand before she could go any farther.

"Are you okay?"

Olivia shrugged, not quite meeting Natalia's eyes. "As okay, as I can be. I hate seeing her like this."

"It's not your fault," Natalia spoke the words, knowing the fear that Olivia would never vocalize.

But Olivia only shook her head, denying Natalia's words.

"Olivia-" Natalia began, only to be cut off as Olivia gently placed a finger over her lips.

"You were amazing, you know that?" Olivia said reverently. "I have never had anyone stand up for me like you did tonight. Thank you."

There were some things, Natalia knew, where Olivia was concerned that pushing simply didn't work and this was one of them. They had already faced so many demons today; this one could wait for another day. She would simply make sure that day did come.

"I love you," Natalia said. "I couldn't do anything else."

"You could have," Olivia corrected her, "But you didn't."

The adoration in her gaze was almost enough to make Natalia weak in the knees. She kissed her instead, a brief, tender brush of her lips against Olivia's. "Go take care of your daughter," she whispered. "I'll be waiting when you're done to take care of you."

She watched as Olivia walked toward her daughter and gently removed the mug from her hand, setting it down on the coffee table with an apologetic glance behind her at Natalia, and reaching back to take Ava's hand, pulling her to her feet.

"C'mon, let's get you to bed." This time Ava didn't push her away and allowed her to steady her as they started up the stairs. She stumbled once and they fell against the rail before Olivia could steady them. "Easy there," Olivia chided, wrapping her arm around Ava's waist and making sure she had her own balance before she righted Ava and got them started back up the stairs once again. Thankfully Ava was staying in her old room just past the top of the stairs so they didn't have very much farther to go.

Once they were in the room, she got Ava seated on the bed. It was only then that she realized Ava had never brought her bags up before she and Emma had gone to the park earlier in the day.

"I'm going to get you something to change into for tonight." What Olivia saw when she really stopped and looked at Ava worried her. She hadn't spoken since they'd come upstairs and she looked distant and withdrawn. Not surprising given the events of the day, but this wasn't the homecoming that Olivia had wanted for them. She had wanted to draw Ava in and give her the family that she - and Olivia - had never had when they were growing up. She resisted the urge to sigh, not wanting Ava to take it the wrong way. She sat down beside Ava on the bed, close enough that their arms brushed. "You'll be okay here for a minute?"

Ava nodded, but didn't speak.

"Okay," Olivia said, giving up on a response for a moment, as she rose. "Be right back." It didn't take her long to get an old t-shirt and pair of sleep shorts from her bedroom as well as a few other things. She had ended the evening this way many times in her life and she was well aware of the things Ava would need the next morning, water and tylenol being the first among them.

When she re-entered the room, however, Ava was no longer sitting on the bed, but curled up on her side, almost folded up into the fetal position with her hands tucked under her chin. Olivia sat down on the edge of the bed beside her and touched her arm gently. "Hey. You want to get changed?"

Her only response was a slight shake of her head; her eyes didn't even open. Everything must have finally caught up with her, Olivia decided as she set down the half-full glass of water and the tylenol in her hand down on the bedside table.

"Okay," Olivia said softly. "Get some sleep then. We'll talk in the morning." She brushed a lock of hair back from Ava's face and gently placed a kiss on her forehead, just the way she tucked Emma in every night. "Sweet dreams, Baby," she whispered as she stood and caught the edge of the light blanket at the end of the bed to pull it up over Ava.

Ava reached out groggily from underneath the blanket, her eyes still closed as she managed to catch a hold of Olivia's wrist. "Stay." The single word surprised Olivia, bringing tears to her eyes at its unexpectedness. With effort, Ava forced her eyes open until she could look at Olivia. "Just until I fall asleep. Please." The request was asked so softly that even standing right next to her Olivia had to strain to hear it, and Ava couldn't hold her gaze as she made it, her eyes flicking down to where she held on to Olivia.

"Okay," Olivia said simply. "Scoot over," she commanded her daughter playfully, before she slid her heels off and sat down, leaning against the headboard. She waited until Ava was resettled to flick off the bedside lamp, plunging the room into darkness. They sat in silence for several long moments, Ava's breathing growing steadily deeper as she drifted toward sleep, Olivia's fingers creating a soothing rhythm as she stroked her hair.

"I love you, Ava," she whispered into the silence, not quite able to make out Ava's features in the darkened room, but looking down at where she knew she lay nonetheless. "Don't ever doubt that."

**(4/?)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** The Importance of Family  
**Fandom: **Guiding Light  
**Characters: **Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Ava Peralta, Emma Spencer, Jeffrey O'neil  
**Category:** Angst, but the good kind. Romance, Drama.  
**Rating:** R...I'm gonna say because there are some disturbing themes explored in here and some violence, although I don't think either is described in graphic detail. **  
Word count: **4,647  
**Summary:** Life goes on. Sometimes it throws you a curveball and you never know what's coming your way on any given day.  
**Spoilers: **Takes place around Thanksgiving '10, and includes the events of the finale.  
**Author's Note: **This fic is solely for **kelltwomyn**. I was bemoaning the fact that I wasn't going to be able to afford a Venice subscription and she swooped in and got when for me when I said I'd be willing to offer fic in exchange. I hope this fic is both somewhat what you were hoping for and also worth your ten bucks and the wait. I really have enjoyed Venice so far. Thank you. :)  
**Beta:** Many thanks to **q_wordy13** for beta'ing this for me! Your insights, comments, suggestions and encouragement have all been very much appreciated! :D  
**Disclaimer: **All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.  
**Warning: **This story eventually deals with Olivia's rape. I don't think it's discussed graphically, but I don't want anyone to stumble upon it unaware either.  


* * *

**Part Five**

Olivia waited until she was certain that Ava was asleep. Then she sat with her for another half hour, until she was sure that Ava wouldn't wake when she got up. It was a trick that she had learned with Emma. First they lured you in with a false sense of security, and when they woke up you were in for another hour of stories and just-one-more-glass-of-water-Mom! Only if Ava woke, it wouldn't involve bedtime stories and demands guaranteed to keep her from going back to bed for five more minutes. No, if and when Ava woke they would have to talk. Olivia wasn't sure exactly what it would involve yet, but as much as she knew it needed to happen, she also knew that it wasn't going to be pleasant.

Olivia sighed as she padded down the hallway toward the room that she shared with Natalia. It had been a long day. She snorted softly at the thought, as she rubbed her hand over her face. That was such an understatement that it was almost ridiculous. A long day would have been having the lives of two of her daughters threatened. Or fighting with Ava like they hadn't fought in years. Or pouring her heart out to Natalia about some of the most painful events of her past. Not a combination of all three. No, that was just too much. She hadn't had a day like this where life just seemed to keep piling on and refusing to let her up in a very long time. At least a few months.

Pushing open the door to their room, Olivia froze in the doorway. Her smile grew gradually, matching the way that her heart seemed to expand with warmth, joy and comfort as she took in the sight before her: Natalia propped up against the pillows in their bed, her hair loose and falling down around her shoulders.

"Hey, Beautiful," Olivia said softly, stepping forward just enough to close the door behind her.

Natalia glanced up at the greeting, her face lighting up immediately. She put the magazine she had been reading down on the nightstand and slipped her legs over the edge of the bed, then crossed the room to Olivia and put her arms around her neck. "Hey, you," she returned the greeting just as softly. She didn't seem surprised at all when Olivia slipped her hands around her waist and leaned her head against Natalia's shoulder. Natalia simply let her rest there for several moments, happy to offer the comfort and support that Olivia sought.

"C'mon," Natalia said after they had lingered there in silence long enough, soaking in each other's presence. "Let's get you out of these clothes and into bed."

Olivia laughed, the sound muffled by Natalia's shoulder. "They always want me for my body, never my sparkling wit."

Natalia snorted. "Sparkling wit? Is that what they're calling it these days?" She asked, as her hands slipped from around Olivia's neck and trailed down her chest. With familiar, sure hands she began undoing the buttons of Olivia's shirt, slowly working her way down to the bottom. Olivia didn't move, her eyes following Natalia's hands until she was done and then coming back up to her face.

"I come home and all I get is insulted." She faked a pout. "My own wife-"

The rest of her complaint was muffled by a kiss. It didn't stop her from talking and the faint vibrations of her words and the way her lips moved as she talked drew a laugh from Natalia, making it almost impossible for her to continue kissing Olivia. She kissed her until Olivia stopped talking and began to kiss her back: it didn't take long. She never even noticed Natalia slipping her shirt off over her shoulders until it pulled her hands away from skin, breaking their connection.

This time when she pulled back, the pout she directed at Natalia wasn't all that faked. "Where are you going?"

"Nowhere," Natalia answered with a smile, as she drifted away to throw the shirt in the hamper. She returned with a silk robe. "Just undressing my wife." She tossed the robe to the foot of the bed, and reached for Olivia again. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"Never," Olivia whispered, caught in the spell that Natalia was slowly weaving around her, one of love and comfort and _home_ that she could never seem to get enough of.

She undid the button of Olivia's slacks and knelt to pull them down, waiting as Olivia stepped out of them, one hand brushing Natalia's shoulder for balance. This time Natalia merely tossed the slacks in the direction of the hamper. She was fairly certain they landed where she had intended, but she didn't stop to check. Olivia's influence was showing. At the moment she didn't care if everything was in its proper place, the only thing she wanted was standing right in front of her. Straightening up could wait for the morning.

Natalia held out her hand and Olivia took it without hesitation, allowing Natalia to pull her toward their bed, keeping her eyes locked on Natalia's the whole time. She didn't stop when Natalia's legs hit the bed, but kept going until her body was pressed up against Natalia's.

"Now what are you going to do with me?" Olivia hadn't intended for it to be a loaded question. The last thing - the very last thing, on a list that included Frank barging into the room at that very moment - that Olivia wanted to do was have another discussion. The day had brought with it enough of those already, and she was exhausted from the constant emotion, but this was her and this was Natalia. Before she could rest, she needed to know that nothing that had happened that day had changed the way that Natalia thought or felt about her. Nothing had changed. She was still the same person she had been that morning, and she couldn't stand the thought of Natalia treating her differently than she had before. She couldn't stand the thought of never seeing that same look of desire in Natalia's eyes again - or worse, seeing it tinged with pity.

"I'm taking my wife to bed."

To bed or to sleep? It did nothing to clear up the sudden doubt in Olivia's mind. "You're awfully possessive for a woman with no ring on her finger." The words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"Is that what you need?" Natalia asked, refusing to take the bait thrown in front of her. "I'll buy you a ring tomorrow. But," she raised Olivia's hand between them, and pressed their joined hands over her heart. "I thought we already had everything we needed right here."

"You're too good for me," Olivia whispered.

"You are the best thing that ever happened to me," Natalia corrected her gently.

But love and adoration and liking were still different from want, and no matter how she told herself that it didn't matter, she still had to know.

"Do you-" She hesitated, telling herself that she was being ridiculous, that the question would sound ridiculous, pathetic and needy coming from her lips. She was Olivia Spencer. She didn't ask questions like that. Questions like that never even occurred to her. Here, in this room with Natalia, however, she couldn't quite convince herself that was true, so she swallowed and asked her question. "Do you still want me?"

She saw comprehension dawn in Natalia's eyes and looked away. Olivia didn't want to see the pity that would surely follow understanding. That she couldn't take. The next thing she felt was Natalia's hand on her cheek, gently turning her face back to her.

"Only in every way possible."

She heard the words, let them wash over her, but there was still doubt lingering there in the back of her mind mixed with the knowledge that Natalia was a good person, that she would do anything to keep from hurting Olivia. She hated to hurt anyone, even when it was necessary. The thought she might be lying to protect what they had wouldn't leave her mind.

"Look at me," Natalia spoke firmly, drawing her out of her thoughts. "You know me, Olivia, sometimes better than myself. Look at me and listen to me and you tell me if I'm telling you the truth."

Olivia blinked startled and yet not by the way that Natalia had seemed to read her mind. It was just more proof that they _did_ know each other. "Tell me."

"I want you," Natalia said without any hesitation or doubt. "I want you in my life, by my side, and in my bed. I want you even when I shouldn't, when you're being infuriating and insufferable and just completely _you_." Natalia's hand slid to the back of her neck, holding her steady as her fingers tangled in Olivia's hair. "I want you until we're old and gray and covered in wrinkles."

Olivia sniffed. "Already have wrinkles," she murmured. "Just a few." She brushed the corner of her eye. "Around here." Her eyes narrowed. "Don't you dare tell anyone I admitted that."

Natalia shook her head. "I can't promise that."

Olivia's brow furrowed, emphasizing the crow's feet she had admitted to just a moment before. "Why not?"

A smile tugged at the corners of Natalia's lips. "Not until you promise you believe me," she said simply, her eyes growing serious as she named her terms.

"I do," Olivia whispered.

"Do you?" Natalia countered. "Do you really? Because if we weren't both so exhausted I would insist on proving it to you, right here and now."

The thought of Natalia _insisting_ made her body clench in a very pleasant way and for just a moment Olivia was so very tempted to take her up on her offer. Unfortunately Natalia was also right. The day had been one endless, exhausting roller coaster ride of emotions and as much as she wanted to, neither of them would be at their best tonight.

"Tomorrow night?" Olivia asked hopefully.

Natalia smiled and Olivia felt it to the tip of her toes. "How about tomorrow morning?"

"I like how you think," Olivia agreed.

"I thought you might," Natalia said teasingly. "Now come to bed."

Taking the covers from Natalia, Olivia held them back for her as she slipped into bed and then followed her. She sank into the comfort of the soft mattress and sheets with a ridiculously high thread count - sheets that Natalia loved, even if she would never admit it - and relaxed almost immediately. Part of it was all of the little luxuries surrounding her, but most of it, Olivia knew was having Natalia beside her. As if summoned by having thought of her, Natalia moved closer until her body was pressed completely up against Olivia's and wrapped her arm around Olivia's waist. Olivia rolled over, curling into her. Her hand rested just above Natalia's heart, trapped between their bodies.

"I love you," she whispered hoping that Natalia knew how much she meant it.

Natalia's arms tightened around her. "I love you too." In her arms, Olivia drifted to sleep, comforted by the way Natalia held her close, even in sleep.

* * *

Olivia looked around the darkened room wildly, disorientation clouding her racing thoughts. She struggled to piece together the simplest thoughts and growled in frustration as she almost fell out of bed, getting caught in the sheets and overbalancing before she could catch herself. Pulling on her robe, she stumbled out of the bedroom, instinct and muscle memory taking her down the hallway towards Francesca's room. It was a close thing, but she managed to walk through the doorway instead of staggering into the doorframe and ricocheting from side to side as she often did. It was also very fortunate, because when she got to Francesca's crib all she found was a soundly sleeping little girl.

She may have been disoriented from her sudden wakening, but even in that state Olivia barely breathed as she visually surveyed her little girl one more time to make certain that she was okay and then began backing very carefully toward the door in an effort not to wake her. Francesca was beginning to sleep through the night more and more frequently and it was definitely a trend that she and Natalia wanted to encourage. The thought of eight hours of uninterrupted sleep sounded like pure bliss. When she was clear of Francesca's room, Olivia turned back to her room, fully prepared to chock her sudden wakefulness up to a bad dream and rejoin Natalia.

It was the faint whimper that stopped her. Not a pleasant whimper, like the small noise Natalia made when...well, that was a thought better left for another time when Olivia had the leisure to explore it. No, this was a pained whimper, the sound that a small, wounded animal made when it couldn't understand why it was in pain and why nothing would work the way it should, and it made Olivia freeze in place immediately.

Her first thought was of Emma. Her Jellybean had been through enough that day to give anyone nightmares. But Ava was just down the hall as well, and equally likely to be having unpleasant dreams. In the end she went to Emma first. Her room was closer and deny it though she would if asked, Emma was just a little girl - her little girl. It would always be her instinct to go to her first. Ava was an adult, capable in theory of taking care of herself, even if Olivia did want to be there for her to make up for all the times she had missed. But when she got to Emma's room, it was quickly apparent that she was sleeping peacefully, her little arms and legs sprawled out across the bed in ways that couldn't possibly be comfortable but weren't in the least tensed, pained or scared. It was a relief to realize Emma wasn't suffering with the events of her day making their way into her dreams. Olivia kissed her gently on the forehead, knowing she slept deeply enough that it wouldn't wake her and unable to resist some contact with her, before she moved on.

In contrast to her younger sister, Ava's hands were clenched around fistfuls of the sheet, and she was making small, pitiful noises that weren't quite words. Ava was dreaming, Olivia realized, inhabiting some nightmarish world that was terrifying her.

Quickly, she sank onto the bed beside Ava and shook her shoulder gently. "Ava, baby, you need to wake up. You're having a nightmare. It's just a bad dream."

"'Livia." The slightly slurred word was the first one that was clear enough for her to distinguish. Ava squirmed in her grasp.

"That's right," Olivia agreed. "It's me." She hoped that was a good thing. "You're okay. I just need you to wake up. Bad dream. You can do that for me, can't you?" She was repeating herself, but maybe it didn't matter. Maybe just the sound of her voice would be enough to calm Ava or maybe it would manage to wake her. All she knew was that she needed to put a stop to her daughter's suffering however she could.

"Leave me!" The second set of slurred words caught her attention and left her puzzled. It wasn't a command to be left alone but a plea. But why would Ava plea to be left alone. That made no sense. No particular love of solitude was yet another thing they shared. Then Ava rolled over almost into Olivia's lap, her arms straining against the sheet she was still tangled up in. "Please don't leave me. Olivia!" For the first time her words were clear, not slurred, and in them Olivia heard pure terror and her heart clenched. In that instant she knew what Ava was dreaming about and she gave up on soothing her back to sleep. Instead she grabbed Ava's shoulders and began to shake her.

"Wake up, Ava." She was fully awake and aware herself now, and she spoke with every inch of command and authority that she possessed. It was a tone that sent underlings at the Beacon scurrying for cover and left even those who knew her well and didn't have to answer to her faintly trembling.

Ava whimpered again, her eyelids fluttering.

"Wake up, damn it!" Olivia repeated. She did not want to watch Ava reliving this moment. It was too painful for both of them.

"Mom?" Ava sounded just as confused and disoriented as she had been when she had first woken up. But at least Ava was awake. "Damn it, Mom, stop shaking me!" The words were slurred together, whether from sleep or if she was still slightly drunk Olivia wasn't sure, but she didn't care that much either. At least she wasn't still sleeping. "What are you trying to do, kill me?" She mumbled pulling the sheet up further around her shoulders to block out the room's cool air.

The words hit Olivia like a sucker punch and she let go of Ava as if she had just touched a hot stove. "You were having a nightmare," Olivia explained dully. In the dream, that wasn't a dream, that had been an all too real set of events, she had left Ava trapped under a door at the Beacon in a fire, desperate to find Emma, uncertain if the little girl was in the building and scared to death for her. At the time she hadn't known Ava was her daughter. She had told herself that there was no choice, that Emma was just a child and wouldn't know what to do in the midst of the fire, and she had sent the first person that she saw back for Ava. But finding herself back in that suite with Ava trapped and the fire approaching had become a recurring nightmare of hers after she had discovered that Ava was her daughter. What would she have done then? Even then choosing between Emma and Ava would have been an impossible choice and one that had sent her heart racing and left her distressed for hours after she woke.

Olivia could see the moment when Ava truly woke up; her eyelids snapped open and she sat up in bed, the covers falling down into her lap. She looked around the room with wild eyes, finally focusing in on Olivia. Her chest heaved with quick, panicked breaths as she struggled to regain her calm.

"Mom?" Her voice quavered, making her sound much younger than she actually was.

"I'm right here," Olivia answered her. Her guilt and remembered fear pushed back against the need to reassure Ava that she was fine, and that the nightmare she had been having was just that - a dream - now. It had happened; there was no denying that, but they had survived it. By some miracle - the same miracles that Olivia didn't like to admit existed - they had been given a second chance then, and now, and Olivia didn't want to waste it. "You're okay. You were having a nightmare."

Ava's breathing had slowed and the look in her eyes was a little bit calmer, but she still seemed upset. "It wasn't just a nightmare," she blurted out after a moment's hesitation. "It was real; it happened."

"I know," Olivia said, looking down unable to meet her eyes in that moment. "The fire at the Beacon."

"How did you-?" Ava demanded.

"You were talking in your sleep."

Ava scooted back a little, sitting up straighter against the headboard and pulling the sheet and blankets with her, and drawing her knees up to her chest. She rested her chin on them and frowned. "It's been a long time since I've dreamed about that."

"I'm sorry." What else could she say? And even that was horribly inadequate.

"You didn't know," Ava said the words quietly. "You were terrified for Emma. I get it."

"I don't," Olivia countered. "When I found out," She laid a hand on Ava's wrist. "I started having nightmares about that night, about something happening to you, instead of you making it out of there. It terrified me. It still does. If I had known then..." She shook her head, unwilling to lie to her daughter, but turned her face up to look at Ava. "I don't know what I would have done. I couldn't move that door, Ava. I tried. I really did."

Ava looked up at her from under the hair falling messily across her eyes. "Really?" She sounded so vulnerable it nearly broke Olivia's heart.

She settled for nodding, not trusting her voice in that moment. "Don't you know..." She swallowed back her emotions for a second time. "Don't you know what it would do to me if anything happened to you?"

Ava shrugged, the gesture looking truncated with her body scrunched up the way that it was. "I know how much you love Emma, and I know you love me." Ava's hand covered hers, squeezing it in a gesture that was meant to be reassuring. "I just...sometimes I feel like if I disappeared from your life it would just go back to the way it was before. You wouldn't be missing anything; I would just be gone, and...and you might be better off for it, right? I mean you wouldn't have to deal with Jeffrey if I wasn't a part of your life."

"Sweetie," Olivia cut her off before she could go any further. "I would deal with a thousand Jeffreys for you, and if you weren't here-" The catch in her voice surprised her. "You would leave a gaping hole in my life. I know we don't talk as much as we should, and I need to come out to San Francisco and visit you more often, but not a day goes by when I don't think of you. You're my daughter and you're a big part of my life. I was so glad when I heard that you were coming to visit." Olivia paused, biting a corner of her bottom lip, unsure of what she was about to say. "I know why you left Springfield; I understand that you had to go, but I hated that you left. It made me so sad that you were gone. I missed you," she said simply. "I missed the time we spent together."

Ava sniffled loudly, tilting her head to wipe the tears on her cheek off against the comforter on her knees. "I missed you too," she confessed. "I thought about moving back." She shook her head. "It's just that once I was gone, I didn't know how to come back. I didn't know if you would want me to. It was such a mess when I was here and now you have this wonderful life with Emma and Francesca and Natalia and you live in this cozy little farmhouse. It's not me, Mom. I don't know where I fit."

"You fit with me," Olivia responded immediately. "With me and Emma and Francesca and Natalia and this farmhouse." She hesitated and then finished it. "You fit with Jeffrey."

Ava's lips pressed into a thin, disapproving line at that comment. "I'm not sure about that either."

"I am," Olivia said firmly. "Jeffry loves you. You're a very important part of his life."

"It doesn't feel like it," Ava blurted out. "I don't think he noticed when I left. He was on the phone with Reva - yelling at her about how he had a right to see Colin."

She had forgiven Jeffrey. It had taken time, but in the end she had done it. For herself, so that she could stop hating him, stop letting that emotion consume her and eat into the good parts of her life. But mostly she had forgiven Jeffrey for Ava's sake, because her daughter had almost died because of a hitman she had contracted and if a father was what she needed, then that was what she would do for her. Jeffrey had proven to be a good father to Ava - until now. That she couldn't let go so easily, but right now what Ava needed wasn't her anger. Ava needed her mother, to comfort her and tell her it was okay, and that was what she would do. Jeffrey, she could deal with later.

"It's okay to be angry at him."

Ava's head snapped up with a denial ready to fall out of her mouth.

"He was gone for over a year and he let everyone who loved him think that he was dead," Olivia pointed out. "Anyone would be angry."

Ava shook her head rapidly, tears falling down her cheeks. "It's not like that."

Olivia fiddled with the hem of the sheet. "I was angry at Natalia when she came back. Angry and so relieved that she was okay, that she was back, but I could hardly look at her."

"What did you do, then?"

"I tried to cut her out of my heart," Olivia said simply. "I had to protect myself. I didn't want to let her get close enough to hurt me again, and it was such a mess. Frank was still in love with her and there was Francesca. There was no way it should have worked. I thought I couldn't trust her."

"But you did," Ava pointed out. "You're here."

Olivia nodded. "We're all here." She shrugged. "I don't know. It was hard to trust her again. Some days I still wake up scared that this was all a dream. It's not easy; I don't think Frank is ever going to let it go. Some times he's okay, but other times I think he resents that I'm an important part of Francesca's life. He hasn't done anything about it yet, but one day he's going to and I have a feeling he's going to put Francesca right in the middle. That's the last thing we want, and I will do whatever it takes to stop that. Even if that means coddling Frank."

"Just like you did for me - forgiving Jeffrey." Ava spoke so quietly that Olivia could barely hear her. It was rare that she openly acknowledged what Jeffrey had done to Olivia.

Olivia didn't trust herself to speak; she could only nod briefly in acknowledgment.

"I'm sorry," Ava whispered. "You told me he hurt you but I still had to know him. I'm sorry I made him be a part of your life."

"He's your father; you deserved to know him." Olivia shook her head, repeating the words she had clung to when it had become clear that Ava needed Jeffrey to be a part of her life, but something in her eased at Ava's words, her acknowledgment of what Jeffrey had done. A tear began to slip down her cheek.

"How can you say that?" Ava asked, her voice full of disbelief.

"Because he's your father and you needed him."

"You did that for me." It was as much a statement as a question as Ava tested the truth of what she had said.

"Yes."

Ava nodded, more to herself than to anything Olivia had said. "I want to stay here - in Springfield."

"I would love that."

Ava reached and then hesitated. Olivia saw it and realized what she had been about to do. She held her arms out to Ava, but didn't touch her, knowing that she needed reassurance that her embrace would be welcome, but also that she needed to take that final step for herself. Ava didn't hesitate any longer, but sank willingly into her arms, letting Olivia hold her and stroke her hair as she she struggled to hold back more tears.

**(5/?)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Title:** The Importance of Family  
**Fandom: **Guiding Light  
**Characters: **Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Ava Peralta, Emma Spencer, Jeffrey O'neil  
**Category:** Angst, but the good kind. Romance, Drama.  
**Rating:** R...I'm gonna say because there are some disturbing themes explored in here and some violence, although I don't think either is described in graphic detail. **  
Word count: **5,504  
**Summary:** Life goes on. Sometimes it throws you a curveball and you never know what's coming your way on any given day.  
**Spoilers: **Takes place around Thanksgiving '10, and includes the events of the finale.  
**Author's Note: **This fic is solely for **kelltwomyn**. I was bemoaning the fact that I wasn't going to be able to afford a Venice subscription and she swooped in and got when for me when I said I'd be willing to offer fic in exchange. I hope this fic is both somewhat what you were hoping for and also worth your ten bucks and the wait. I really have enjoyed Venice so far. Thank you. :)  
**Beta:** Many thanks to **q_wordy13** for beta'ing this for me! Your insights, comments, suggestions and encouragement have all been very much appreciated! :D  
**Disclaimer: **All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.  
**Warning: **This story eventually deals with Olivia's rape. I don't think it's discussed graphically, but I don't want anyone to stumble upon it unaware either.  


* * *

**Part Six**

Ava was expecting breakfast to be awkward, and by anyone's reckoning it should have been. Yet, when they came down the steps, both slightly stumbling their way into the kitchen - if for different reasons - a mug of coffee was waiting for both of them on the table. Olivia took her mug with the expression of an addict with a fix in sight and thanked Natalia with a sleepy kiss, her aim not quite true, catching the corner of her mouth instead of her lips.

Ava took a hesitant sip of her coffee, trying not to burn her tongue but eager to absorb the caffeine jolt that it promised in the hope that it would ease her pounding head and clear away the fuzziness that was the remains of her search for oblivion the night before. Over the rim of her mug, she caught Natalia's eyes and winced. She wasn't sure she was ready to look Natalia in the eye. There were parts of the night before that she couldn't recall completely, but she remembered enough to know that she had been inexcusably rude to Natalia, and somehow Natalia had also seemed to understand why Ava had gotten drunk and ended up on her mother's doorstep ready to pick a fight. It made her want to squirm in her seat and left her feeling even more unsure, especially of how to deal with Natalia.

She settled for invisibility. Not actually disappearing, but remaining silent and hiding behind her cup of coffee and the general assumption that she was still hungover from the night before. In truth, she didn't feel wonderful, but she wasn't nearly as effected as she was pretending to be. Ava was concentrating so intently on the mug of coffee in her hands that she didn't notice anything until she felt the hand on her shoulder.

Startled, she glanced up and found herself looking directly at Natalia for a second time. It was only then that she realized that somewhere in the low murmur of conversation in the room between her mother and Natalia, she had missed a question directed at her, because Natalia was looking at her expectantly.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you." She hoped her voice didn't sound weird. Not too high pitched or nervous. It didn't, did it?

"I asked if you wanted some breakfast." Natalia didn't sound angry. Or was she one of those people who let her emotions simmer below the surface only to ambush someone with it later, when the effect would be more devastating? Ava didn't know her well enough to decide. She would just have to take it at face value and hope for the best later. In truth, she knew they needed to talk and she needed to apologize for what had been said, but it was another thing she wasn't quite ready to face. It still left the question of breakfast.

"I'm not that hungry," Ava demurred. "I can just fix something simple."

Natalia's hand was back on her shoulder, pressing her back down into her seat. "Let me." She smiled and this time it was both reassuring and a little bit amused. "The last time your mother said something like that, she caught the toaster on fire."

Out of the corner of her eye, Ava saw Olivia's head snap up, drawn from serious contemplation about the inside of her coffee mug by Natalia's comment. "Hey! I'm an excellent cook. I could make a breakfast like you've never even dreamed of."

"I know, Sweetie," Natalia said agreeably. "You are an amazing cook; you're just not a good morning person."

Ava couldn't hold back a soft snort at that. Olivia had never been a morning person before, and it looked as if that was one thing Natalia hadn't changed. She wondered if she had tried.

The small pout on Olivia's face was almost enough to make her let out a full laugh. She had seen Olivia pout before. The woman was infamous for expressing her displeasure - and doing something about it - when she didn't get what she wanted, but she had never considered it amusing or endearing before. That was new. So was the light kiss that Natalia placed on pouting lips. Or at least it was new to Ava, because the action didn't seem to surprise Olivia at all. She responded by deepening the kiss, her hands going to Natalia's hips, slipping under the hem of her pajama top and attempting to guide Natalia down to her lap.

Ava had seen more than enough and she glanced away, slightly uncomfortable as it was abruptly made clear that she was the outsider here. They were so caught up in one another that she might as well not have even been in the room. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, and Ava was about to get up and retreat to her room when there was a knock at the door.

"Mmph." Natalia's first response - whatever it may have been - was muffled by Olivia's lips. One hand dropped to Olivia's chest and she pushed away from her gently, until she was leaning back against the table instead of melting against Olivia. Ava could hear her breathing just a little bit faster than was normal and the woman she had always thought of as prim, and something of a prude, looked flushed and disheveled. Natalia pinned Olivia with a look. "You should answer that."

"I would, Sweetheart, but someone's sitting in my lap."

This time it was Natalia who snorted, but she rose anyway, batting away Olivia's hands as she tried to hold her in place. "Get the door," she countered firmly, still not taking her eyes off Olivia. "I'll start on breakfast."

"Right," Olivia agreed, but she didn't take her eyes off Natalia until she was already pulling the door open. When she did, she found herself face to face with Jeffrey.

Ava blanched. This morning just refused to get off to a good start.

* * *

Olivia's good mood drained away in an instant. "What are you doing here, Jeffrey?" The question was harsh; there was no denying it, but it was how she felt. The anger she was feeling now was different from the impotent rage that she had carried around with her for years before she had finally let go of it. This anger was born of fear, indignation and worry. The bits and pieces of what Ava had told her about the night before hadn't made her any happier with him either. She had always been able to count on Jeffrey to be a good father. It was something he had excelled at even when she had hated the idea of that too, but now he wasn't living up to that. Not only had he put Ava and Emma in physical danger, seemingly without any regard for the possible consequences of his actions, but he had also upset Ava enough for it to end up with her drunk and running to Olivia, which wasn't something she would have done if she hadn't been hurting - badly. Olivia was well aware that she wasn't Ava's first choice for a shoulder to cry on.

Jeffrey stood stiffly at the door, not quite looking at her, but trying to see past her into the kitchen. "I came to see Ava."

"It's early, Jeffrey." Her statement might have been non-committal, but the steel in her voice was far from it.

He seemed to sag into himself, growing smaller in front of her eyes. "Please, Olivia. I just need to talk to her. I know-" He swallowed, glancing down. "I screwed up last night. I wasn't paying attention. I was so focused on making sure it was really Edmund and confirming that he was really dead." His fists clenched. "You have no idea how many times he's gotten away. Then Reva..." He trailed off, before looking back up at her, his eyes pleading for understanding. "She's with Josh." As if that explained it all.

"She thought you were dead. Everyone did." Making that phone call to Ava, having to tell her that her father was dead was one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do.

"I'm sorry for everyone I hurt, but it was the right thing to do. He would have kept coming after Reva and Colin until he succeeded and I couldn't let him. I had to stop him. You know, Olivia. You would do anything to protect your children."

Olivia folded her arms across her chest and looked down. She wasn't close to being okay with Jeffrey, not yet, but she could recognize that this moment wasn't about her. "It's up to Ava if she wants to see you." She felt the gentle touch of Natalia's hand at the small of her back and another hand curling around her bicep as Natalia came to stand beside her. When she glanced over, however, she didn't find the welcoming expression she had expected on Natalia's face. Instead she looked cold and disapproving. It was jarring because it was Natalia and she was always welcoming.

"Maybe you should come back later," Natalia suggested. "Ava isn't up yet."

It was a blatant lie and it rolled off Natalia's lips smoothly, without a hint of hesitation or anything else to give it away. As startled as Olivia was she kept it off her face and instead acted as if nothing unusual were going on.

"I could wait-"

"It would be better if you came back later," Natalia repeated. "It's about time for Francesca to get up and mornings around here get pretty crazy. Besides, there's no way of knowing when Ava will get up." A friendly smile never left her face the whole time she spoke, but Olivia could see that it didn't reach her eyes.

"Francesca?" Jeffrey looked confused now.

"Our daughter," Olivia clarified.

Jeffrey's eyebrows shot up, and then he nodded. "Congratulations." It sounded heartfelt but his exhaustion was clear in his voice.

"A lot of things have changed, Jeffrey. You need to give it time." Part of Olivia couldn't believe that she had softened toward him. She certainly hadn't forgotten what he had done yesterday, but seeing the defeated, saddened man on her back step this morning had changed things. She could imagine what it would be like to come back to Natalia, holding on to that one person in her mind to get her through everything else, only to find out that she had moved on to someone else, or worse yet, gone back to Frank. It would break her.

"Even Ava?" Jeffrey asked.

"Especially Ava. You hurt her. You need to give her time to forgive you. You can't just expect things to go back to the way they were before. People have changed and so have you. You have to start over."

Jeffrey dropped his head, a deep sigh slipping out of him. "When did you get so smart?" He asked, raising his head up enough to look at her.

Olivia smiled weakly and tipped her head in Natalia's direction. "It's all her influence."

"Does this mean you forgive me?"

Olivia felt Natalia stiffen, the hand she had wrapped around her bicep tightening painfully. "No. I won't forgive you for knowingly placing my daughters in danger - whether you felt it was the right decision or not - but I won't try to stop you from seeing Ava. You're her father and she needs you."

Jeffrey nodded as if he expected that and straightened. "I should go."

When he had gone and the door was shut behind him, Olivia finally looked over at Natalia.

"Are you okay?"

Natalia shook her head. "I'm furious that he would dare to come here and ask for your help, after, after...everything." The last word exploded out of her mouth as if there were so many other things that she wanted to say instead and that was the only thing she could get out.

"It's okay," Olivia said soothingly.

"No," Natalia countered. "It really isn't."

Olivia caught her hand and cradled it in both of her own, rubbing her thumb back and forth across her knuckles for a long moment before she said anything. "I love you for loving me like this."

"But," Natalia prompted.

"There is no 'but'." Olivia rested her forehead on Natalia's. "I made my peace with Jeffrey because I had to. I still have to. I can't go back to being the person I was before," she whispered. "Don't ask me to."

"Olivia, I wouldn't..."

"Please. I need you to accept that I've made my peace with Jeffrey."

It was the first word that caught Natalia's attention and grabbed something visceral within her. From Olivia Spencer, 'please' was close to pleading. It was more than asking; it was almost begging, and that was something Olivia didn't do. At least not when they weren't in bed, and then only when she couldn't hold out any longer; she simply needed Natalia. Now, she was asking this just as fervently.

"I..." Her voice trembled and honestly, Natalia wasn't sure what she was going to say. It was impossible to resist when Olivia was asking this way, it melted her stubbornness and determination. What it couldn't touch was the anger she felt toward Jeffrey. As much as she wanted to accede to Olivia's request, she just couldn't accept what Jeffrey had done, couldn't simply let it go. It wasn't that easy. Usually loving Olivia made things easier, this was one thing that it made harder.

Olivia rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I don't understand. Why are you being like this? You're usually the first one in line to see the best in someone. Forgiveness is what you do."

"Don't say it like that," Natalia snapped before she could hold the words in. She couldn't take being mocked right now, especially not by Olivia, and not when she was already on edge.

Olivia looked startled and finally let out a weary sigh, sinking into a seat at the table. "I don't want to fight," she said softly. "Not about this."

"I don't either!" Natalia blurted.

"Then tell me," Olivia urged her, exasperated.

"It's different, because it's _you_." She gestured at Olivia as if that should explain everything. When Olivia looked no more clear than she had a moment before, Natalia continued. "Jeffrey hurt you - I can't just brush that aside and welcome him into my home - _our _home."

"It was a long time ago, Natalia," Olivia said gently. "He's done his best to make up for it."

"Good." Natalia said firmly. "He should do whatever he can to make his penance, but that doesn't make what he did right."

"It's not that simple."

"It should be," Natalia countered, stepping closer to Olivia. "He hurt you."

"I know!" It was loud enough to startle them both into silence. "It doesn't matter," Olivia finally said into the silence.

"But it does." Natalia held her hand over her heart. "It matters to me, Olivia, because I love you." She took a deep breath. "I might not have stood in a church and taken any vows with you, but I have in my heart. To cherish and honor, to love and protect. We may not have spoken those words to each other, but it's what we do, what we have always been about, and I can't just turn that off."

Olivia's breath caught at her words, deeply affected by them even at this moment. "And I can't ask you to do that." She held a hand out to Natalia, wanting some physical connection to her after their brief verbal skirmish. It wasn't over yet, but a temporary cease-fire had been declared. Mutually assured destruction was the only thing on the menu if they continued. "I don't like who I was back then. She isn't the woman you deserve, and I don't want to go back to being that person."

Natalia placed her hand in Olivia's without hesitation. "Deserve has nothing to do with it. You are the only person I want in my life. And you won't - go back to being that person. You have so much more now than you did before and you would never be willing to give that - give all of us - up for that. And I...I will do my best to come to terms with Jeffrey. I'll try for you and for Ava."

"Thank you," Olivia said simply, tugging on the hand that she held and pulling Natalia nearer, until she could wrap her arm around her and press close against her.

Natalia held her just as tightly, her chin resting on Olivia's head. She shifted until she could put a reverent kiss on the top of her head. Together was where she found her peace; together they could face anything. They had proven it time and again. In the end, they always found their way back to one another, but sometimes it was more difficult than others to come to an agreement. They would never stop trying, though. It was something Natalia would always be thankful for.  


* * *

"You lied." Olivia's voice is muffled with her face pressed up against Natalia's midsection, but Natalia can still make her out clearly enough to pull back away from her.

"What are you talking about?" At the moment, Natalia was more confused than upset. She simply had no idea what Olivia was talking about and that worried her. Since the months that they had spent painstakingly trying to conceal their growing feelings from themselves and one another she had done her best to not conceal anything from Olivia. The one, huge, horrible lie of omission she had made had spurred her into making one of the worst decisions of her life, leaving Olivia without a word, and it was a mistake she was determined not to repeat. Not leaving, per se, although she didn't want to ever do that again either, but doing anything that would hurt Olivia that badly.

"To Jeffrey. You told him Ava wasn't awake yet."

"Oh." Well, there was that. It was about as blatant of a lie as one could make. Her eyes flickered fleetingly from Olivia to the statue of the Virgin Mary across the room and then back. "I shouldn't have lied." There was no letting herself off the hook for that. Her lips pursed into a thin line. "But I would do it again if I had to. She got up as soon as she realized it was Jeffrey at the door. She didn't want to talk to him and I-"

"You were defending her the same way you would me or Emma."

"Exactly." Natalia said, somehow feeling deflated. What she felt toward Ava wasn't exactly parental. That would be a little bit ridiculous. Ava was only about ten years younger than her, but she was definitely family, and that was all that mattered.

"I kind of like it," Olivia admitted, her voice almost a purr.

"Like what?" Natalia demanded, pushing away from her enough to look at her.

"When you show your not so innocent side. _I _know it's there, but it comes out so rarely. It's fun."

Natalia could only shake her head. Olivia caught her chin and drew her down to capture her lips. Natalia didn't resist, sinking into the contact, savoring every moment of this. The connection - the love - they shared hadn't been watered down by the year they had spent together. Neither of them took it for granted; they were both all too aware how easily it could be taken away.

Finally it was Olivia who regretfully pulled away from her to rest her forehead against Natalia's, their noses brushing together not quite ready to relinquish anymore contact. "I should go check on Ava."

"Okay," Natalia agreed, but made no move to let Olivia go.

Olivia laughed softly. "You have to let me go for that unless you want to go with me."

Reluctantly, Natalia shook her head and let her hands slip down Olivia's sides and then fall away. "I should go check on Francesca. She's probably up and impatient by now."

A knock on the door interrupted them. Olivia wrinkled her nose. "Do you think it's..."

A quick glance toward the door and Natalia was shaking her head. "No, I don't. He'll come back later, but I don't think Jeffrey would push anything right now." Natalia rose. "I'll get it; you, go. Check on Ava." She could see that Olivia was about to protest and pressed a finger over her lips. "Nope. I've got it. Go."

"Bossy," Olivia murmured, her lips moving under Natalia's finger, the puff of breath coming out with the crisp syllables tickled Natalia's finger and sent a shiver down her spine.

"Impossible," Natalia countered lightly as Olivia nonetheless rose and headed into the living room. She watched her leave, not because she needed any assurances that she was going but because still, after the more than a year that they had spent together, she couldn't look away. More pounding at the back door reminded her of what she had been doing and she moved quickly to answer it. "Coming!"

"Hi, Natalia," Frank was grinning broadly, almost shifting from foot to foot in his excited impatience.

"Frank!" With everything that had happened that morning, she had forgotten that he was supposed to be coming over to pick up Francesca. It was the reason she had been up so early on a rare morning that they could all sleep in. She was no late sleeper like Olivia, but she had come to cherish time spent together, mornings when she could linger in bed with Olivia, savoring the closeness that it encouraged. It was pure decadence, not something she would have indulged in before, and it was heady, wonderful stuff, all the more because she did get to share it with Olivia. "Come on in," she stepped aside and waved him into the kitchen, pushing her hair back out of her face with one hand as she did. "Do you want some coffee? Francesca isn't ready yet. We're running a little bit behind this morning."

"No problem," Frank said, rubbing his hands together eagerly. "I just can't wait to spend some time with one of my favorite girls."

Despite everything, Natalia couldn't help but smiling at that. This was what she had always wanted for Rafe: another parent to love and support her child. Francesca was lucky enough to have two more people in her life who loved her like that. It was more than she could have ever hoped for when she moved to Springfield. She shook her head, dismissing the thoughts and returning her focus to the present. "Have a seat. I'll bring Francesca down in just a minute."

"I can help," Frank offered. "I'm sure you could use an extra set of hands." He held his up as if she needed an example.

Something in Natalia balked. She couldn't put a finger on it or name the root of its cause, but it made her uncomfortable just the same. Without a solid reason though, she couldn't bring herself to disagree. She had always struggled to make Frank feel like he was every bit as much a part of his daughter's life. "Okay. Just be quiet," she warned. "Emma's still sleeping."

Frank followed her through the living room and up the stairs. Behind her his tread sounded too heavy and she kept having to force herself not to look back over her shoulder at him. At the top of the stairs, she lifted her fingers to her lips again in warning and hoped that his heavy footfalls would land a little bit more lightly up here. When they entered the nursery, Frank was hovering just over shoulder.

"Everyone else still sleeping?" He whispered, still full of good cheer as he headed straight for the crib in the corner of the room.

"No," Natalia said, tossing her hair over her opposite shoulder as she leaned over the crib rail and ran her fingers up and down Francesca's back. It was a soothing gesture, but one meant to bring her gently out of her slumber. "Olivia and Ava are up."

Francesca shifted in her crib, her face scrunching up grumpily as she was pulled from sleep. Rubbing at her eyes, she tucked her body inward, clearly unwilling to be woken up just yet.

"Time to rise and shine, little one," Natalia said, shifting her attention away from Frank and back to her little girl. Easing her hands under Francesca's arms, Natalia lifted her out of the crib and tucked her close to her body. Barely awake, Francesca reached out for Natalia, clinging to her as she laid her head on her shoulder. Nuzzling the soft skin of her neck, Natalia let her eyes fall shut and sent up a brief prayer of thanks for the blessings she had been given. She opened her eyes again, flashing Frank a small smile as she saw him watching them and carried Francesca over to the changing table.

"Shouldn't Olivia be helping you with this?" Frank asked, as he watched Natalia expertly change their now-squirming daughter's diaper.

He had probably meant nothing by it, just an innocent comment to make conversation. That was what Natalia told herself, because mostly Frank had gotten past the part where he resented Olivia, where he thought that she had stolen something from him that had never really been his to begin with. But every once in a while, Frank said something that struck her last nerve. It had only happened occasionally, but when it did it was all she could do to force herself to be civil. Even Olivia seemed to accept his rare digs with incredible calm. Maybe that was why it angered Natalia so easily, because no one should take cheap shots at Olivia, not when all of this was her fault, when Frank should have been angry at her, not Olivia.

"We had a busy morning," she said curtly, glancing back at Frank over her shoulder. "We're still dealing with everything that happened yesterday." She hoped that was enough to stop him from asking anything else, because the rest of it was none of his business.

"Oh, yeah." As if he had forgotten. How could he have forgotten so quickly when it could have easily changed everything forever? If Jeffrey hadn't killed Edmund, if the fight had gone on longer.... Natalia was from Chicago. She knew that a bullet that missed could kill just as quickly as one that hit its target. She shuddered, not wanting to think about what might have happened if one of those bullets had hit Emma or Ava. Just the thought alone made it hard to breathe. "There was a lot of excitement going around yesterday."

Excitement, not quite the word she would have used for it. Terrifying, more like.

"It was a long day," she said succinctly, hoping that they can leave it at that and move on to a safer topic.

"I bet," Frank said knowingly. "I heard Jeffrey and Olivia got into quite an argument."

Her lips pressed into a thin line. It was somewhere between an invitation to gossip - something she didn't have time for on the best of days - and prying into her life. Whether it for official reasons or just because Frank wanted to know, she wasn't sure, but she didn't like it.

"It was a very scary moment for everyone, Frank. We had no idea what had happened to Emma and Ava. She just wanted to make sure they were safe," Natalia concluded as she finished dressing Francesca.

"Sure," Frank said agreeably, finally seeming to realize that he had pushed far enough. "I didn't mean anything by it." He shook his head. "I just remember when it was very different. They've come a long way, you know?"

"We all have, Frank," Natalia pointed out, lifting Francesca up and setting her down on the floor, but not letting go. She wasn't steady on her feet just yet, especially first thing in the morning. She had teased Olivia about it more than once. Nurture vs. Nature and all that.

"Well, yeah, but going from sending a hit man after your daughter to almost getting into a fight with Jeffrey over placing her in danger? You have to admit, that's a lot farther than the rest of us have gone, Natalia."

His words hit her like a slap in the face and she gasped. There were gaping sections of Olivia's past that she didn't know about, Natalia knew that. Their conversation yesterday had made it clear, but it wasn't as if they had been hiding things from one another. After all, there were huge chunks of her own past that she had never explicitly discussed with Olivia either. They just got one another so well that it had never seemed to matter and the rest of the time they had been so busy struggling against whatever was trying to keep them apart or dealing with their children that there simply hadn't been time. It still upset her that she hadn't known, that Frank had been able to shock her so easily with it.

She straightened, still keeping an eye on Francesca. "I think we've all done things that we regret, Frank, and none of us have room to judge anyone else's actions."

"But a hit man?"

Natalia held up a hand as if to ward him off. "Frank, you need to stop. Now, are you ready to take your daughter for the day?" At the moment, she was hoping he would say no. Originally Frank was supposed to have kept Francesca, not just to give them some quality father/daughter bonding time, but also to give Olivia and Natalia a chance to prepare for the big Thanksgiving celebration that they were hosting the next day, and the smaller, more intimate family celebration of Francesca's birthday, the following day. At the moment, she was angry enough with Frank not to care. Between her and Olivia they could juggle things enough to take care of Francesca and manage all of the things that needed to be done before the big day.

"Of course." Frank sounded offended that she had asked, but at the moment, Natalia didn't care.

Picking up Francesca's bag, packed with a few of her favorite things as well as a change of clothes and any other essentials that Frank might have misplaced since the last time he had taken care of her, Natalia handed it to him. "Then you two should probably get going before it gets too late. She needs a good breakfast or she gets grumpy." Scooping up her daughter, Natalia held her close for a moment. It was impossible to be upset with Francesca in her arms; she blocked everything else out until the world consisted of just the two of them. "I love you, little one." Natalia whispered and kissed the top of her head gently. Each time she handed her over to Frank it was difficult, not because she resented him spending time with his daughter. No, she approved of that, but it meant letting go, one of a thousand times that she would have to let her go until, eventually, she would be a grown woman and leaving for the last time, gone to a home of her own.

This time she was the one who followed him, down the stairs and through the kitchen, locking the door behind them after watching them get in the car and then one last wave to Francesca. When she turned around, it was only to face her empty kitchen and the thoughts swirling around in her head. She wasn't naive enough in the ways of Springfield to believe what Frank said without reservation. Over the years she had spent in the town, she had heard more rumors than she could count about Olivia. Most of them were false, some had a grain of truth in them, but were told in the most malicious way possible. Natalia had learned never to believe anything she hadn't seen for herself or heard directly from Olivia. She was also aware that Olivia wasn't an angel even now, despite how much she had changed. She was just a person like everyone else, prone to making huge mistakes and even bigger acts of kindness. In the grand scheme of things, how important was it really? Did it change anything that she already knew about Olivia? No one could answer that question but Natalia, herself, and all it accomplished was leaving her wishing that Frank had never come by as she set about preparing breakfast for the rest of her family.

Francesca wasn't the only one who was grumpy without a hearty morning meal, and she needed something to occupy her as she waited for everyone else to come down. It certainly wasn't proving to be an uneventful holiday.

**(6/?)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Title:** The Importance of Family  
**Fandom: **Guiding Light  
**Characters: **Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Ava Peralta, Emma Spencer, Jeffrey O'neil  
**Category:** Angst, but the good kind. Romance, Drama.  
**Rating:** R...I'm gonna say because there are some disturbing themes explored in here and some violence, although I don't think either is described in graphic detail. **  
Word count: **3,993  
**Summary:** Life goes on. Sometimes it throws you a curveball and you never know what's coming your way on any given day.  
**Spoilers: **Takes place around Thanksgiving '10, and includes the events of the finale.  
**Author's Note: **This fic is solely for **kelltwomyn**. I was bemoaning the fact that I wasn't going to be able to afford a Venice subscription and she swooped in and got when for me when I said I'd be willing to offer fic in exchange. I hope this fic is both somewhat what you were hoping for and also worth your ten bucks and the wait. I really have enjoyed Venice so far. Thank you. :)  
**Beta:** Many thanks to **q_wordy13** for beta'ing this for me! Your insights, comments, suggestions and encouragement have all been very much appreciated! :D  
**Disclaimer: **All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.  
**Warning: **This story eventually deals with Olivia's rape. I don't think it's discussed graphically, but I don't want anyone to stumble upon it unaware either.  
**Author's Note 2.0:** As of now, Incandescent Fire is still down. As soon as it comes back up, I'll cross post this there as usual.  


* * *

**Part Seven**

Olivia rapped her knuckles lightly against the door frame but it wasn't necessary, Ava was sitting on the corner of the bed, one leg pulled up and the other dangling off the edge.

"Is he still here?"

"No," Olivia said simply. "Natalia told him you weren't up yet." She mentioned it, even though she wasn't sure Ava would understand the significance of Natalia's lie, because she wanted her to know and appreciate what Natalia had done. Lying was no small thing to Natalia; it was something she took very seriously and the fact that she had been willing to do it on Ava's behalf spoke volumes - even if they were volumes Ava didn't know how to decipher yet. Olivia hadn't missed the tension between them the night before and she didn't want it to linger. She loved them both and it was important to her that they got along.

"Good." Ava said firmly. She shook her head. "I just can't right now, Mom."

Her final word hit Olivia with all of the impact of an asteroid finally ending its headlong rush through the heavens by running into the earth. Part of her hurt for Ava and hated that she was both angry at Jeffrey and miserable, but a larger part of her wanted to melt and jump for joy at the same time. With effort she managed to tamp down her feelings. Ava would interpret a smile right now in all the wrong ways and that was the last thing she wanted.

"No one's saying you have to," Olivia said, in a slightly choked voice, looking down until she could be sure that her face revealed nothing more than she wanted to show. "You can stay here as long as you want." She sighed, some of her previous excitement draining away in the face of the realities of the situation. "But if you were serious about moving back here, you won't be able to avoid him forever."

"I _did _mean it," Ava said, as if she was expecting Olivia to dispute her statement.

"I'm glad," Olivia said quickly, but fervently.

A weak smile flashed across Ava's face for a moment before it was lost again. She fiddled with the hem of her jeans for a moment before she looked back up at Olivia. "I just don't know what to say to him."

"Bullshit." The word was spoken softly but with utter conviction. If she had hesitated to think about it, Olivia wouldn't have said it. Things were still so fragile between them, more so than they had been in a long time, and she was well aware that one wrong word could blow it all up in their faces. She couldn't just stand there and pretend though, not when it was clear that Ava had more on her mind than just that. She was Olivia Spencer. Calling people on their shit was what she did and she couldn't bury who she was forever, not even for Ava. They would have to find away to get along together, not as some watered down versions of themselves but as who they actually were, or it would never work in the long run. "You know exactly what you want to tell him; you're just afraid of what will happen next."

Ava's head snapped up, her mouth opening to contradict what Olivia had just said and then she faltered. It took her a moment before she started again. "I am scared because part of me hates him." Olivia remembered this tone of voice. After all, she'd heard it often enough after she had told Ava that she was her daughter - vulnerable, tired, and filled with pain and bitterness.

"Why?"

This time Ava looked incredulous. "Because he faked his death. He lied to all of us and he didn't care how badly it hurt when we thought he was dead." She hesitated and then added. "He hurt you."

Olivia's quick in-drawn breath was sucked down so sharply that it was clearly audible. She crossed the room with precise, determined steps and sat down on the bed beside Ava, close but with a few feet still separating them.

"Ava, honey, I-" She shook her head and looked down. "What Jeffrey did was a long time ago. We were both drunk."

"It doesn't matter," Ava cut in. "If that happened to me in some club, would you say that I should just drop it? You would kill the guy."

Olivia's jaw clenched at the mere thought. Ava was exactly right. If anyone tried to harm her daughters she would be all over them so quickly they wouldn't even know what had hit them. It was why she had been so furious with Jeffrey the day before. "I would," she acknowledged, emotion making her voice raw.

"Then how can you just-"

"Because he's a good father." Olivia cut her off before she could finish her question. "Because when you found out that I was your mother, you needed him." The words spilled out of her, leaving something jagged and torn in their wake, the admission ripping open old wounds, wounds that hadn't really had a chance to heal, but merely been taped over to allow for something to be built on top of it.

Ava sniffled. "I'm sorry."

"Don't," Olivia breathed the word with a curt shake of her head. She couldn't hear this from Ava. It would be her undoing and on top of everything else she couldn't deal with it.

Ava looked uncertain and for a moment, Olivia thought she would continue. Then her face shifted and it was clear her decision had been made. "Okay," she whispered.

They sat there together in silence, Olivia collecting herself slowly and Ava just being allowing her mind to wander, not thinking about anything in particular but everything in general.

"I don't know how to reconcile the man he's always been for me with what he did."

Olivia shrugged. It was a question she often struggled with, not necessarily in terms of Jeffrey, but in her own life. She had done things - despicable things - in the name of getting what she wanted or protecting what she thought was necessary. Most of them had turned out to be a disaster, not just for the other people involved, but for her as well. Ending up with Natalia in her life, a woman who incredibly loved her more than Olivia had ever thought possible, and a group of family and friends larger than anything Olivia had had since she was a little girl, seemed like an excess of riches that she certainly didn't deserve. Usually she just resolved not to look a gift horse in the mouth and turned her mind to more pressing matters.

"You're asking the wrong person," Olivia said finally. "That's more Natalia's department than mine."

Ava snorted softly and tilted her head to look over at Olivia. "So what would she say?"

"You could ask her yourself," Olivia pointed out gently.

"Mom," Ava countered, letting her know with that single syllable that she knew what Olivia was implying and pushing for and that she also wasn't ready.

Olivia sighed. "Fine. She would say that people do good and bad things, but it doesn't define them. You can always start making different choices. It doesn't mean that it erases what's been done in the past; just that you should do what's right for its own end, not to earn some kind of redemption or praise from other people."

"And what do you think?"

"I think that I'm lucky that Natalia believes in me and loves me for who I am, despite the mistakes I've made." _Who she thinks you are,_ the niggling voice in the back of her head pointed out all too obligingly. _She doesn't know everything. _

"So you think I should give him another chance?"

"I think you should do what's right for you," Olivia said, meeting her eye and hoping that she wouldn't end up regretting those words. She hadn't lied when she had said that she wouldn't forgive Jeffrey for endangering Ava and Emma and she certainly wouldn't forget it, but she knew how important Jeffrey was to Ava. Out of the two of them she had bonded with Jeffrey first, and most easily, while her relationship with Olivia would always be fraught with complications. Despite what she might think of Jeffrey and his judgment at the moment, pushing Jeffrey out of her life completely would only succeed in hurting Ava more, and she didn't want that.

"The one time I invite you to meddle in my life and give specific advice, you tell me to do what I think is best?" Ava questioned wryly. "You really have changed."

"Don't get used to it," Olivia warned with an arch of her eyebrow that dared her daughter to push it farther. Natalia had changed her, not tamed her.

Olivia cocked her head, hearing the faint sound of the front door closing. She had grown attuned to the sound over the years given Emma's penchant for disappearing. Her brow furrowed in confusion as thoughts of who was at the door distracted her. It only took her a moment to remember that Frank was supposed to pick up Francesca for the day. A quick glance at the clock on the bedside table confirmed that the early hours of the morning had slipped away and now it was growing late. The front door would be Frank leaving and she had missed her chance to kiss her daughter good bye - no matter that she would be back by the end of the day - she would still miss her.

Turning back to Ava, she tried to distract herself. "Well, Francesca's gone, but Emma's still here. We should probably wake her up for breakfast. I'm sure Natalia has something going by now and we have a lot to do today."

Ava laughed. "Uh, correction. You have a lot to do today. Me, I'm a guest. I should be exempt from chores."

Olivia patted her shoulder as she rose. "You keep telling yourself that, Sweetheart."

"Oh, come on. You're not going to make me-"

"Not me," Olivia cut in. "Natalia."

Now Ava just looked confused. "Natalia? Please, Mom. She has to be the least confrontational person I've ever met. Well," she blushed. "Besides the other night."

"No, she won't force you to do anything. You'll just find yourself doing something you had no intention of doing and it will seem like your idea." Olivia shook her head. "You're no match for her persuasive powers."

"Right." Ava said doubtfully as she followed Olivia out of the bedroom and down the hall toward Emma's room. "I think you're exaggerating."

"Just wait and see," Olivia said over her shoulder. "Wait and see."  


* * *

Ava did not wait. In fact, she forgot about their conversation completely. There was breakfast and it was far from the awkward, tension filled mess that she had been expecting. Emma, like her other mommy, was a morning person and the animated conversation that she had started ended up flowing freely once the other Spencer women had been sufficiently caffeinated. After breakfast there was a whirlwind of things to do and errands to run, groceries that needed to be gotten for the celebrations over the next two days and little details that needed to be taken care of ahead of time.

Seeing the 'to do' list that Natalia casually handed across the table to her mother had prompted her to volunteer to help with something despite her earlier comments to Olivia. Natalia, however, had politely declined, stating that it was nothing that she and Olivia couldn't handle together and that the biggest thing she could do to help would be to hang out with Emma for the day. Originally she was supposed to have gone along and helped either Olivia or Natalia, but they would be able to get things done more quickly on their own and Emma would definitely be having more fun at the farmhouse than with them. Hanging out with Emma was preferable to being put to work, so Ava had agreed quickly and they had indulged in cartoons - not the Sunday morning variety, but thanks to five hundred channels, almost as good - until they had gotten bored and switched to a variety of video games. After the third time Emma had beaten the stuffing out of her at a cheerful, simple child's game, Ava had declared it to be lunch time. The fact that it was still early and they were both stuffed from Natalia's hearty breakfast wasn't worth mentioning.

Eventually, however, Ava did see what Olivia had meant.

Emma burst into the living room, dragging her hand down the hallway, catching the corner and using her momentum to swing herself around to face Ava before she blew through the living room entirely.

"Natalia said we could go feed the ducks. Wanna come?"

Ava did not, not really. She had gotten more than one or two emails from Emma detailing her exploits with the ducks and while she was happy that Emma had something that she enjoyed so much, ducks really were not her thing. She had never particularly been nature girl and it just didn't appeal. On the other hand, staying inside would mean staying inside alone with Natalia. Olivia was still out running last minute errands and Francesca wasn't due back for hours yet. There would be no one there to run interference for them and while they had a lot to talk about, Ava wasn't sure she was ready to deal with any of just yet.

"Sure, that sounds fun."

Emma grabbed her hand was pulling her out the door before she had a chance to reconsider. Ava was barely able to grab her jacket as Emma pushed her out the door and into the cold, autumn air. When they rounded the corner of the house and Ava saw Natalia standing there expectantly, waiting for them with a bag of bread in her hand, she winced. She saw clearly how this was going to go. Emma with her youthful exuberance would run ahead, leaving her and Natalia alone as they trailed along behind her. It wasn't a setup precisely, but it did the job effectively enough, and it wasn't like she could just turn around and head back to the house, pretending she'd suddenly lost interest in the ducks. It would be blindingly obvious that the ducks weren't what she was trying to avoid. She might have adopted avoidance as a strategy, but she wouldn't be out-right rude. That would be going too far and she and Natalia already had enough to discuss.

So Ava plastered a cheery smile on her face and swung Emma's hand back in forth in an exaggerated, sweeping arc that made Emma giggle. "Let's see these ducks then, shall we? I've heard so much about them."

Natalia smiled, but Ava didn't miss the knowing look in her eye that said she wasn't buying what Ava was selling.

As she had predicted - if only to herself - Emma bounded ahead of them almost immediately, but contrary to her expectations, Natalia didn't say anything. The silence lingered, growing awkward and strained. There were too many things that neither of them was saying for it to be comfortable, and Ava couldn't think of anything innocuous to say. She refused to discuss the weather. There were levels she wouldn't sink to, and bringing up the weather just reeked of desperation.

Finally Ava couldn't take it any longer; she stopped and pivoted to face Natalia. It took her a few steps to realize that Ava wasn't with her anymore and she raised a hand to shield her eyes from the sun as she turned back to look at her.

"Coming?"

Ava shook her head. "No, not until we settle this."

Now Natalia looked confused. "Settle what?"

"I know I acted like, like..." Ava stumbled around trying to find a suitable noun that wouldn't offend Natalia's sensibilities, although how she managed to deal with Olivia on a daily basis if she really was that much of a delicate flower... "A jerk." Ava finished lamely. "Last night wasn't my proudest moment."

Natalia gave her a small smile. "We've all done things we regret," she said, as she began walking again.

"That's it?" The words flew out of Ava's mouth before she could think better of them. She knew not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but really given the silence they had simmered in and the setup that had preceded it; she had been expecting something _more._

"I guess it is." Natalia stopped walking and frowned as she wrapped her arms around her waist. "I'm sorry. I've just been distracted, thinking about something Frank said when he stopped by to pick up Francesca this morning."

"So you're, you're not mad about last night?" Ava fought the urge to fidget. Her own nervousness irritated her. It was easier to be annoyed about it than to actually be nervous.

"Mad? No." Natalia shook her head. "I hate that you and Olivia fought; I hope it doesn't happen again." She seemed agitated and Ava couldn't quite figure out why, not unless she was more upset than she was admitting. It was a possibility, but from everything she had heard about Natalia she expected Natalia to be straight forward and honest with her, not playing the games that so many in Springfield had and still did. "I understand that everything isn't always going to be perfect, but it's been a very difficult year and I would just like my family to be happy."

With the toe of her boot, Ava nudged a small rock, pushing it further into the ground, and watched it intently, focusing on it, instead of looking back up at Natalia. "And am I included in that?" She asked in a small voice. She wasn't sure why it mattered so much to her that Natalia thought of her as family; they barely knew each other. Her opinion seemed to matter very much to Olivia though, and maybe that was why she was asking, because she needed to know where they all stood.

"Of course, you are," Natalia answered quickly. "Of course. I know we don't know each other very well yet, but you're very important to Olivia and Emma loves you so much. She wants to be just like you with Francesca - the best big sister a girl can have."

Ava bit her lip. "So we're okay?"

"Are we?" Natalia's question surprised her; she wasn't sure where it was going. Everything had seemed fine just a moment before. Her confusion must have shown on her face because Natalia continued. "I know Olivia told you about us when I was gone this summer and last night you said something..." Her voice trailed off for a moment before she seemed to pull herself together again and straighten to face Ava. "So if you have a problem with me because of what I did, I'd like to know it now."

This time her forthrightness did surprise Ava. She hadn't expected that subject to be brought up, especially by Natalia herself, and the mention of what she had said the night before brought an entirely unwelcome flush of embarrassment with it.

"Olivia certainly seems to have gotten past it."

"She loves me," Natalia said, with a slight shake of her head. "When I left-" She looked over at Ava to make sure she knew what was referring to. "I felt like I was being punished. Loving her was so overwhelming, more than I had ever felt. It was too much. It felt so good that it couldn't be right, you know? Everyone else was telling me that it was a sin, and I had been so sure, right up until the moment that I found out I was pregnant, that it wasn't, that what we had was right and good. And then," she took a deep breath. "And then I got _so _scared, and I wondered if I had been deluding myself all along because I had wanted it so badly, that I had just tried to make it right when it wasn't." She glanced over at Ava again. "That's why I left, because I was scared that I was being punished for loving Olivia and that as part of that punishment I would lose her.

"Saying it out loud, it doesn't make any sense, but to me, at the time, it did." She looked down, seemingly deep in thought. "What I realized was that I wasn't being punished. What I felt for Olivia wasn't a sin; it was a blessing. She is my blessing and I'm so grateful to have her in my life. I cherish every day I have with her."

"Wow." After a speech like that Ava was beginning to understand how Olivia had forgiven her. If she was fortunate, someone might talk about her like that one day. "I don't know what to say."

"Say whatever you're thinking."

"I think I'm glad that Olivia found someone who loves her so much," Ava said, weighing her words carefully as she spoke them. "But if you ever-"

"I won't," Natalia cut her off before she could finish her threat. It wasn't necessary. "I know where I'm supposed to be now and I won't ever leave her again."

"Then that's good enough for me." It was odd to be giving Natalia her approval when she was the one who felt like she needed to make amends, but Natalia had asked.

"Good." They stood there for a moment, taking one another's measure until Natalia seemed satisfied. She tilted her head toward the pond. "We should probably go before Emma starts to wonder what's taking us so long."

Ava glanced in the direction Natalia had indicated, catching a glimpse of Emma tossing a piece of bread to a nearby duck and then looking back over her shoulder at them. "Definitely." Impulsively she looped her arm through Natalia's as they started walking again. She tensed, unsure how Natalia would react and let out a relieved breath when all Natalia did was flash her a bright smile. "So what did Frank say? I mean, if it wasn't something private?"

Natalia dismissed it with a wave of her hand. "You know, it was nothing."

"It didn't seem like nothing earlier," Ava pointed out.

"You're right," Natalia admitted. "But what we were talking about reminded me about what's really important and what Frank was saying...I can't control what he was saying and I don't even know whether it was true or not, but it doesn't matter." She held her hand over her heart. "I know - in here - everything I need to know."

"That's some kind of faith," Ava said, with not a little disbelief. She had never had blind faith in the goodness of people, not even when she had been a child. In her experience, people were always out in for their own interests, first and foremost. After that, if it didn't hurt them, then they would sometimes consider helping others. It wasn't a pretty way to live, but for her life those had been the facts. The few times that she had tried to believe in something different, in the goodness in others, she had been proven wrong.

"It's worth it, when you find the right person."

"And I haven't yet."

"You will."

Ava laughed uncomfortably. "You sound so sure about that."

"When I was sixteen, I thought I had lost my chance for good - lost the only man I would ever love - and in the end I found something so much more." She laid her hand over Ava's on her arm. "Don't give up on it, just give it time."

"And look in unexpected places?" She teased Natalia gently.

She smiled wryly. "That too."

**(7/?)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Title:** The Importance of Family  
**Fandom:**Guiding Light  
**Characters:**Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Ava Peralta, Emma Spencer, Jeffrey O'neil  
**Category:** Angst, but the good kind. Romance, Drama.  
**Rating:** R...I'm gonna say because there are some disturbing themes explored in here and some violence, although I don't think either is described in graphic detail. **  
****Word count:**5,153  
**Summary:** Life goes on. Sometimes it throws you a curveball and you never know what's coming your way on any given day.  
**Spoilers:**Takes place around Thanksgiving '10, and includes the events of the finale.  
**Author's Note:**This fic is solely for **kelltwomyn**. I was bemoaning the fact that I wasn't going to be able to afford a Venice subscription and she swooped in and got when for me when I said I'd be willing to offer fic in exchange. I hope this fic is both somewhat what you were hoping for and also worth your ten bucks and the wait. I really have enjoyed Venice so far. Thank you. :)  
**Beta:** Many thanks to **q_wordy13** & **aimlessla** for beta'ing this for me! Your insights, comments, suggestions and encouragement have all been very much appreciated! :D  
**Disclaimer:**All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.  
**Warning: **This story eventually deals with Olivia's rape. I don't think it's discussed graphically, but I don't want anyone to stumble upon it unaware either.

* * *

Olivia had the front door open before Frank had even stepped onto the porch. She had missed her baby girl all day and she hadn't been able to stop herself from glancing out the window every five minutes keeping an eye out for Frank's car even as she put the finishing touches on the decorations in the living room. When she finally did see him, Olivia had almost dropped the floral arrangement that she had been holding in her haste to get to the door.

"Hey, Frankie!" If he looked startled to see her come out so quickly, she barely noticed, her attention focused firmly on Francesca, looking slightly rumpled and still groggy in her father's arms, her head laying against his shoulder as she stared out at nothing.

When she caught sight of Olivia, her eyes brightened and she held out short, chubby arms toward Olivia. "Mama!"

The exclamation never failed to melt Olivia's heart though she tried to keep it from being too obvious. She had a reputation to maintain, after all. Couldn't have everyone thinking she was a softy. It didn't stop her from holding her arms out for Francesca, however, her eyes only flicking to Frank for an instant - seeking not permission or approval but acknowledgment. As much as she might have hoped differently, things still weren't easy between them. Frank still bristled any time that her place in Natalia or Francesca's life was made obvious. As this was a near constant state that Olivia lived in, it was difficult for Frank to be around her at all. And Olivia refused to hide her feelings or ask Natalia to, just for the sake of Frank's feelings. It was an uneasy detente that they had, with Olivia unwilling to push back too hard for fear of tipping over the fragile balance that they had created. All she had to do was remind herself that it was Francesca who was in the middle, who would suffer the most from any conflict that broke out between them, and it made choking back the comments that she dearly wanted to flay Frank open with almost palatable.

But those were the bad times, most of the time they settled for being terse and snarky. Natalia disapproved but some things not even she could change.

With a sigh - whether of weariness or disapproval, Olivia wasn't sure and didn't really care - Frank kissed Francesca's cheek and rested his forehead against her much smaller one. "Be good for your Dad," he said softly. "That's my little angel."

Olivia resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Obviously Frank hadn't spent too many nights with his little angel. Her capacity for screaming for hours seemed to be tailor-made to give her two mommies the maximum amount of exhaustion with the least amount of sleep.

Still the feeling of peace and absolute rightness that filled her when Francesca settled into her arms, smiled sleepily over at her and laid her head down on her shoulder was more than enough to make up for it a hundred times over. Some days it didn't bear thinking about what would have happened if Natalia had been a little less stubborn. She could have missed out on this in all her fear and she would never have known what she was missing.

"Sorry, Frank," Olivia said, catching herself getting lost in thought, and glanced back up at him. "Do you want to come in?"

It was a perfunctory offer, one not really made in sincerity and one she fully didn't expect him to take her up on, but she still made it because Natalia would have wanted her to. As much as she hated to admit it, this only worked if they talked sometimes, the three of them, about Francesca's life and what they wanted for her.

Frank shook his head and for the first time Olivia noticed that he looked faintly guilty. He wouldn't quite meet her eye and he kept staring past her. Ordinarily she would think he was looking for Natalia but this didn't seem the same.

"Uh, no. I don't think I should." He shifted uncomfortably for a moment.

"Everything okay, Frank?" Olivia asked when the silence had dragged on uncomfortably for too long.

"Actually I think I need to apologize for something."

Her first thought: _Oh, shit, Frankie. What now?_ It wasn't charitable, but then she rarely was, at least in public, or where it was undeserved.

Carefully, she asked, "What for?" Natalia would have dismissed it with a careless, _Oh, don't worry about it_, not even knowing what it was. Maybe Frank should have chosen more carefully who he confessed his sins to, but it wasn't like she had twisted his arm. He had initiated this.

"I said something to Natalia this morning." He had taken his hat off and was fidgeting with it, folding it between his hands and stuffing it in his back pocket only to take it back out again. It reminded her of Natalia when she was nervous or worrying something over in her mind. The comparison was somehow disturbing and did nothing to ease her mind. She was almost holding her breath as she waited for Frank to spit it out already, tensing as everything inside of her screamed that this would not be good. Frank was too nervous. "I was out of line."

Okay, fine. He was out of line. She didn't care about his contrition or his need to soothe his own conscience with an apology, if that was what this was. He still wasn't getting to the point and the knot of dread in her stomach was beginning to build. Without realizing it, her other hand came up to rest protectively on Francesca's back, cradling her head, protecting her not from Frank, but the world at large.

"What did you say, Frank?" Somehow she managed to keep most of the vicious bite out of her voice when she said it. Frank looked a little bit scared and a little bit belligerent. The combination worried her even more because she knew it meant he was worried that she would be pissed off. Which meant he thought she would have a reason to be pissed off.

"We were talking about the past." He tried a buddy-buddy smile. "The good old days, you know. Honestly, I thought she already knew." He gave his hat a particularly hard twist. "About Ava, and well, what happened when you found out she was your daughter."

Every muscle in Olivia's body tensed. She shifted Francesca a little further behind her on her hip and took a step closer to Frank. "What happened, specifically?"

"Practically the whole town heard about the trial. It wasn't exactly kept quiet, Olivia," Frank said, his words getting higher and faster. "And I was there, remember? You brought me with you. Whatever Ava may have said later, I was there. I know about that scumbag and what he really was."

Anger flashed through her, bright and white hot. "You don't know anything." The words snapped out of her mouth before she could even think to contain them and only Francesca in her arms kept her from lashing out at him. The effort of containing it all, holding it all in, left her almost shaking with rage.

Frank looked angry and as if he were barely holding back a dozen other things he wanted to say in retort, but for once he didn't seem determined to push her past her point of endurance because today he would have succeeded. Instead he simply gave a sharp nod of his head. "Anyway, I'm sorry." He didn't seem very apologetic as he turned and strode back to his car, but it hardly mattered. The damage had already been done.

* * *

The bathroom door stood slightly ajar. Through the crack Natalia could see Olivia standing in front of the mirror, the glass still steamed over from her shower. Condensation clung to the center in larger droplets, left behind by a few careless swipes of the hand as she completed her nightly rituals. At the moment, Olivia was rubbing lotion into her arms. Although she had been heading back downstairs to give it a final once-over before they turned in for the night, Natalia paused in mid-motion and changed direction, heading toward the bathroom and Olivia. Stepping up behind her without a word, she slipped a hand past her and took the lotion off the counter.

Something had been off with Olivia since just before dinner. Natalia had noticed it almost immediately, but when asked, Olivia had only given a slight shake of her head. Her first instinct had been to press the issue, but then things had gotten hectic. Emma had come in asking what was for dinner and their brief quiet moment had broken. In the commotion that followed a moment later when Francesca had stumbled on her own unsteady feet and hit her head on the coffee table, the conversation had been dropped completely, but Natalia hadn't forgotten. She had simply bided her time.

In the mirror, Olivia watched her without a word, allowing Natalia do whatever she wanted. In fact, she didn't seem to be paying attention to what Natalia was doing at all, her eyes never leaving Natalia's. Her gaze had the same effect that it always had, even when they were still enemies; it held Natalia captive, caught her in its intensity and left her dizzy and unable to look away. They stood that way for a long moment until Natalia remembered what had prompted her sudden detour. She flashed Olivia a smile that was in part shy, rueful and full of love.

Uncapping the lotion, she squeezed a generous dollop into each hand. Olivia gasped - whether it was at the cold lotion or the heat of Natalia's hands as they slipped underneath her t-shirt and gently began to rub the lotion into her back, Natalia wasn't sure. Momentarily allowing herself to melt into Natalia's tender touch, Olivia let herself go, sinking back into Natalia's body, her eyes drifting closed as their closeness enveloped her in Natalia's intoxicating and familiar scent. She could admit it; she loved moments like this one when Natalia pampered her. Olivia thrived on it, soaking up the love implicit in every move Natalia made.

Despite it all, she couldn't quite make herself let go completely, not with the knowledge of what Frank had said still lingering between them. It wasn't so much what Frank had said - although she was pissed about him trying to create trouble between them yet again - but more that Natalia had said nothing to her about it. She had no idea what Natalia's silence meant, but five failed marriages had taught her that it meant nothing good.

Still it was nice to simply relax and just be with Natalia given the way the past few days had gone. Today had been better, although stressful in its own way between the party planning, Jeffrey's early morning visit, and Frank's late afternoon confession. Okay, so it hadn't been much better at all, but the day was definitely looking up right now and it wasn't over yet.

"I had plans for us this morning," Olivia whispered, her dark thoughts shifting to more pleasant things as she spoke, her words pitched for Natalia's ears only even though they were alone in the master suite.

"Plans?" Natalia murmured back, sounding slightly distracted as she pressed her thumbs into Olivia's back a little bit more firmly.

Olivia had to stifle a groan. "Mmm-hmm. You got me thinking last night."

Natalia laughed. "Oh, so it was all my fault."

"Absolutely, Sweetheart. You're such a little temptress." She could feel Natalia's disbelieving snort against her cheek.

"You were the one who wasn't there when I woke up," Natalia pointed out. She felt Olivia tense under her hands and she frowned.

"Ava had a nightmare," Olivia said softly. Natalia could feel the hint of tension that had remained in Olivia despite her gentle ministrations begin to grow exponentially. Giving up on her impromptu massage, she let her hands fall to Olivia's side as she stepped closer, pressing into Olivia's back, wrapping her arms around Olivia's waist and resting her chin gently on her shoulder.

"About what happened in the park?" Natalia asked quietly.

"No." For a moment, Natalia thought she wouldn't elaborate and she too began to tense. "It was something that happened years ago." It was the way she said it that worried Natalia; her voice sounded hollow and distant. A small part of her wondered if it had anything to do with what Frank had said about the hit man. Almost as soon as she had considered it, she regretted the thought. She had meant it that afternoon when she had told Ava that she already knew everything she needed to know.

"She seemed nervous and a little bit tired when we talked earlier," Natalia said, thinking back and trying to recall how Ava had seemed in light of this new information. "But she seemed okay. Not like she was upset about something. Well, not about anything from the past."

"You talked today?"

Natalia nodded, still slightly distracted. "We walked out to the pond with Emma."

Olivia drew back a little and turned her head to look over at Natalia.

"How did that go?" Dinner had seemed to go smoothly enough and surely she would have noticed tension between her lover and her oldest daughter if it had existed.

"Good," Natalia said with a little nod. "It gave us a chance to clear the air, say what needed to be said."

"Oh?" Natalia's phrasing was enough to make her hesitate. It had a slightly ominous ring that worried her and roused her protective instincts.

Natalia held her a little bit closer, reading her unease clearly. "Ava apologized for last night and I told her that I'm never going to leave you."

The words wrapped themselves around Olivia's heart and squeezed, constricting almost painfully. As time had passed, reminders of Natalia's unexplained and unplanned absence had lessened, but the strength of emotion she felt when it was brought up again hadn't, even if the emotions themselves had changed. Over time they had morphed from anger and pain, to something closer to acceptance with only a twinge of sadness and regret.

Understanding the shift of emotion in Olivia, Natalia remained silent, laying her head against Olivia's back, letting her know with her actions that whatever she was feeling was okay and that she was still there.

"You said that, huh?" Both ignored the hoarseness in Olivia's voice as she tried to choke back the tide of rapidly rising emotion.

"I did," Natalia said softly, loosening her grip as Olivia turned in her embrace so that they were facing one another with Olivia now leaning back against the vanity. Her hands traced up Olivia's sides, ghosting over curves and leaving goosebumps in her wake as her fingers brushed lightly over silky skin until she was cupping Olivia's face. Slowly and deliberately, Natalia tilted her head up to meet Olivia's lips with her own, kissing her tenderly.

Olivia responded immediately, savoring it but wanting more. She believed what Natalia said, knew it to be true, but in the depths of her heart she still remembered how it had been during Natalia's absence. She craved the comfort and reassurance of her touch.

She had meant it when she had told Natalia well over a year ago that if they never had sex she would still want everything, to be with her in every way that they could share. It had been true when Natalia had come back. Once Olivia had gotten over her initial anger and hurt, she had still wanted a life with her, whatever that would entail. But when that final separation between them had been erased, it had knitted something back together inside of her. Not the physical act, per se, but what it had meant. She knew how Natalia felt about sex; she had learned that all too well when Natalia had told her about sleeping with Frank. To her, it was a sacred act, and not something to be done lightly or in haste. It was a declaration full of meaning, the much-needed confirmation that Natalia truly did love her and want her, and it had brought them closer together than ever before. Now she was seeking that same reassurance to erase the remembered pain in her heart and the more recently introduced doubt. She lost herself in Natalia's kiss, let herself be consumed by her caresses and sought to forget everything else in the glide of skin against skin.

"Olivia," her name from Natalia's lip was like a benediction, and in the haze created by everything Natalia as she flooded her senses Olivia could almost make herself forget the knot of tension and dread that had steadily been growing inside her. She reached for Natalia with desperation, clinging to her and trying to erase the worry that was steadily growing within her. Everything about the moment felt so right, the way Natalia was touching her and looking at her was heaven. Any other day it would have made her feel like the luckiest woman in the world, but it suddenly felt all wrong.

"I can't." The two simple words spilled out of her lips before she had considered saying them. Natalia froze.

"What's wrong?" There was a hint of panic in Natalia's voice and immediately Olivia regretted doing it, regretted stopping what had been about to happen. She knew Natalia loved her, but it felt wrong to make love to Natalia when her heart wasn't completely in it. She had had enough sexual encounters that left her feeling vaguely sick inside. She didn't want to add one with Natalia to that list. I they had kept going, Olivia knew she would have ended up regretting it and then holding that regret deep down inside to keep it from hurting Natalia until it grew into something with a life of its own, something that would stand between them. What she had with Natalia was unlike anything she had ever had before and Olivia didn't want to do anything to ruin it. That thought alone - the thought of Natalia leaving her again - made her gasp as if she had been punched in the gut.

She knew that her thoughts were spiraling rapidly out of control, but she couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry," she said, waving a hand and sucking in a deep breath. "Just forget-"

"I'm not going to forget anything," Natalia said sharply. "Something's clearly wrong. Tell me what it is."

Olivia shook her head, nerves and embarrassment getting the best of her. It wasn't like her, the way she was acting, but she was shaken and scared, more than even Frank's words to Natalia should have prompted. Maybe she was finally just losing it.

"Olivia." Natalia's voice, firm and steady, was like a lifeline she could cling to. "Talk to me." Her hand cupped Olivia's cheek and she ducked her head down in an attempt to catch Olivia's eye. "Please, Olivia. You're scaring me."

Her hands - her whole body - were shaking. She hadn't been this scared in years. "I know what Frank told you this morning."

"Oh." It was a single syllable bursting with meaning; Olivia just wasn't sure what that meaning was. That bothered her too. Despite all of their differences, she was used to being able to read Natalia, to look at her and know what was going on with her. Her body, however, couldn't handle any more fear. She already had too much of it flowing through her. Instead, it turned to irritation.

"What does that mean? _Oh_." The last word came out more mocking than she had intended, or maybe than was wise, but she couldn't hold it in. The words had just spilled out of her mouth in a way that was more reflexive than intentional. "Why didn't you say anything? Too horrified? Scared of the monster who could send a hitman after her own daughter?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Natalia snapped, her voice full of irritation. "You're putting words in my mouth."

"Is it, Natalia?" Olivia demanded. "Is it really ridiculous? Your ex-fiancé just told you that I hired a hit man to kill my daughter and I shouldn't be worried about what you're thinking, about why you didn't say anything to me about it at all?" She sucked in a deep breath. "Are you going to take Francesca?"

Natalia stared at her, disbelief written across her features. A small noise slipped from between her lips and she shook her head. "Just stop, Olivia. This is insane. I'm not going anywhere."

"The last time there was a problem and you wouldn't tell me what was going on, you left." The words hit their mark like a gauntlet thrown down on the floor between them. "I-"

"No." Natalia looked hurt, her face red and tears beginning to seep down her cheeks. "No more of this, Olivia. I didn't say anything because it wasn't a problem. I know you - inside and out." She pressed a hand to Olivia's chest, her palm covering the scar that bisected it. "I already knew everything that I needed to know; there was no reason to talk to you, to upset you. Don't you think that's what Frank wanted - for us to fight about this? I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. You're my wife and I trust you. Nothing he could say will ever change the way I feel about you, how much I love you."

Natalia could still feel Olivia trembling under her touch, whether it was from fear or adrenaline, she couldn't tell.

"But the things I've done could. You don't know everything, Natalia." Even at a whisper, her voice was still cold and hard. This fight wasn't over yet and all Natalia could do was hold on and never let go.

"Then tell me, if that's what you need. Because I need you to believe me. If you don't trust me when I tell you that I'm not going anywhere, this won't work."

Olivia's hand clenched around her wrist, long fingers holding on with almost painful strength. Her lips pressed together into a tight line.

"Promise you won't hate me." Olivia sounded young and fragile, completely different than only seconds before. It frightened Natalia that she could break this woman with one wrong word.

Raising her other hand, she cupped Olivia's cheek and brought her chin up until she could meet her eyes. "I promise that I will always love you, no matter what."

The desperate look in Olivia's eyes didn't change. "Frank wasn't lying when he said I sent a hit man after Ava, but I swear I didn't know she was my daughter until after the deal had already been made. The moment I found out I tried to stop it. I was so terrified. I've only been that scared once before in my life, Natalia." She held Natalia's gaze. "That's not all. My mother... I told you yesterday..." She swallowed, looking desperate and overwhelmed and it broke Natalia's heart.

"You don't have to do this. I told you - I know everything that I need to already."

"But I do." Olivia countered quickly. "I need you to know."

"Okay, Sweetheart," Natalia said gently. "Just start at the beginning. I'll be right here."

"There was a fire at the Beacon," Olivia said without any further preamble, raking her hand through her hair. "Emma was just a baby and I thought she was there in the hotel. Ava and I were up in my suite working and when she tried to open the door it caved in on her, pinning her in place. I tried, Natalia. I tried as hard as I could to get her free, but I couldn't. You have to believe that."

"I believe you," Natalia said softly, praying Olivia would believe her.

"But I couldn't," Olivia continued almost as if she hadn't heard her, a hitching sob escaping with her words. She turned to Natalia. "That's what Ava was dreaming about this morning. She was having a nightmare because I left her pinned under that door because I couldn't help her and I thought Emma was still in the hotel. I sent the first person I saw back for her. I did."

"Of course you did." Natalia said, making her voice as soothing as possible even as her heart ached for Olivia.

"She was fine - Ava - but I thought she should hate me after that. Maybe she did. I don't know. She was watching Emma one day and Em got into some perfume."

Natalia gasped. She had never heard about that particular incident and even now, years later, when Emma was clearly alright, it still made her heart race. She could only imagine how scared Olivia had been back then.

"She drank it - the perfume - and ended up in Cedars." Olivia drew in a shaky breath. "She got very sick and she was still so tiny. I was afraid-" She swallowed and started again. "There was a chance-" But she couldn't finish either sentence, couldn't force herself to say the words aloud even years later. She sniffed and swiped at her nose with the back of her hand. "I thought Ava had done it on purpose, that she was using Emma to get back at me for leaving her in the fire. I didn't believe her when she told me it was an accident. I was so scared. That was when I did it because if Ava was coming after me through Emma, I had to stop it, to get her off my back. I wouldn't listen to...." She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I wouldn't listen, and Ava almost ended up dead because of it." She finally looked back up at Natalia. "That's the truth of it. When I found out that Ava was the daughter I had given away it was too late to call off the hit man. The only reason Ava survived was because she was strong and smart and she got lucky. Not because of anything I did."

"Ava forgave you."

"Not because she wanted to." The things Ava had said to her that day after her trial still stung. "But because she hated who I was so much she didn't want to be anything like me."

"Olivia, we have all done things we regret."

"This isn't just some stupid little mistake, Natalia. I could have killed her. Don't you get that? It would have been all my fault and I couldn't even do anything to save her."

"Of course I get that, Olivia, but I know you." Natalia said firmly. "I know how fiercely you love your daughters; I saw you when Phillip came back. You were so scared and you weren't thinking straight. The only thing you knew was that you had to protect Emma and you would have done anything to make sure she was safe. So, no, it doesn't surprise me or horrify me. I love how you love your children. I won't ask you to pay for that. You already told me how scared you were when you found out that Ava was your daughter. I can imagine the lengths you went to, to stop him from hurting her."

"So that's it?" Olivia asked, incredulousness creeping into her voice when Natalia finished speaking. "That's all you have to say? How can you just let it go?"

"Do you remember when I got married?" Natalia asked slowly, looking down at her hand still covering Olivia's heart. "Not to Frank," she added quickly, "but to Gus?"

Olivia snorted. "How could I forget?"

Natalia's fingers played over the thin line of her scar, running over the raised skin of her scar, knitted back together by a highly skilled plastic surgeon until it was almost invisible. "I locked you in a bathroom and I cost you a heart. If Gus hadn't... or if you had caught a cold, or anything... you would be dead, Olivia, and it would have been my fault."

"Natalia...." With that one word, Olivia softened. She hadn't known that Natalia still thought about that. She had almost forgotten it herself, pushed to the back of her mind with the rest of the things that she would prefer not to remember. If she was honest with herself, she had probably done worse to Natalia. There was so many times that she had tried to hurt the woman or worse yet been uncaring when her wants, her needs, had cut Natalia to the bone, all in the name of finding some fleeting peace when nothing would ever satisfy. At least not until she had truly found Natalia. "You weren't trying to kill me, just stop me from stealing your fiancé." Olivia smiled faintly. "A perfectly understandable reaction."

"Thank you for saying that," Natalia said softly. "But it wouldn't really have mattered if you had-" It took her a moment to pull herself back together, until she could speak without her voice breaking or falling apart completely. "All I'm saying is that there are things that we all regret. The only thing that we can do is thank God that things turned out the way that they did."

"But I didn't die," Olivia said softly. "I lived and..." She swallowed. "And I hope you don't regret that."

Natalia cupped her face tenderly. "Never. I want you right here with me for the rest of our lives."

"I'm so lucky that you love me."

"We both are," Natalia said reverently. "So lucky. Blessed." Her lips found Olivia's, the perfect punctuation for her words. The kiss lingered and what had begun as a chaste kiss grew and changed. With a clean conscience and a soothed heart, Olivia responded without reservations and let herself go into everything Natalia offered.

She slid down the vanity, knobs and edges biting into her back. She hardly noticed, her hands on Natalia's hips as she drew the other woman down with her, pulling her down onto her lap. Natalia's hands cupped her face and fingers dug into her hair, keeping them locked together, only letting go as Olivia slipped her hands under Natalia's shirt. Her fingers skimmed bare skin as she brought the shirt with it and then up over her head.

"So beautiful," Olivia whispered, taking a moment to simply stare at what she had revealed.

It didn't last long, however, as Natalia pulled her closer, bending her head down as she arched upward, offering herself to Olivia and Olivia didn't hesitate to give her what she wanted. It was more than just the physical connection between them, but an affirmation of everything that shared.


	9. Chapter 9

**Title:** The Importance of Family  
**Fandom: **Guiding Light  
**Characters: **Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Ava Peralta, Emma Spencer, Jeffrey O'neil  
**Category:** Angst, but the good kind. Romance, Drama.  
**Rating:** R...I'm gonna say because there are some disturbing themes explored in here and some violence, although I don't think either is described in graphic detail. **  
Word count: **5,153  
**Summary:** Life goes on. Sometimes it throws you a curveball and you never know what's coming your way on any given day.  
**Spoilers: **Takes place around Thanksgiving '10, and includes the events of the finale.  
**Author's Note: **This fic is solely for **kelltwomyn**. I was bemoaning the fact that I wasn't going to be able to afford a Venice subscription and she swooped in and got when for me when I said I'd be willing to offer fic in exchange. I hope this fic is both somewhat what you were hoping for and also worth your ten bucks and the wait. I really have enjoyed Venice so far. Thank you. :)  
**Beta:** Many thanks to **q_wordy13** & **aimlessla** for beta'ing this for me! Your insights, comments, suggestions and encouragement have all been very much appreciated! :D  
**Disclaimer: **All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.  
**Warning: **This story eventually deals with Olivia's rape. I don't think it's discussed graphically, but I don't want anyone to stumble upon it unaware either.  
**  
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* * *

**Part Nine  
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"You invited Jeffrey?" Ava caught Olivia by the elbow as she whisked by the stairs on her way back to the kitchen and dragged her hurriedly up them. The way she said it sound like, _Have you lost your mind?_

"Hey!" Olivia protested. "Stop that," she grumbled, slapping at Ava's firm grip on her arm. "What is this, parental abuse?"

Ava's eyes narrowed. "You're avoiding the subject."

Olivia shrugged, rolling her shoulders as she pulled free of Ava. "Fine. I invited him. I didn't think you would mind."

"I don't," Ava said, folding her arms over her chest, making her statement less believable. "I just don't understand why you would-"

"I can ask him to leave, if you want," Olivia offered. "I thought it might be easier for you. There are a lot of people here and he won't have an opportunity to push for some big, deep conversation that you aren't ready for yet."

"Mom, I appreciate it. I really do," Ava said. "But I know you're still mad. You didn't have to do this."

Olivia let out a sigh. She had hoped they had gotten all the serious conversations out of the way in the past two days. Apparently not. "So?" She said quietly. "This is about you, not me."

"It is," Ava admitted. "But it's your holiday too, and your home. You should be able to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner without having to deal with my mess." She pressed her lips together and reached out to touch Olivia's hand. "I'm not Francesca, Mom. You don't have to suck it up and deal with Jeffrey for me to be happy. I'm an adult; I can talk to him another day."

Olivia froze. "Don't worry about Frank or Francesca. I-" She stopped and gave a little half-smile. "We are taking care of it."

"I know." Ava agreed. Something about her mother's choice of words caught her attention. 'Taking care of it' sounded like more of an immediate problem then the way Olivia had mentioned it the morning before. She started to ask and then hesitated. _Finish talking to Olivia about Jeffrey now, ask questions about Frank later._ This was precisely why she was so surprised at what Olivia had done. Olivia already had enough difficulties in her life with the fathers of her children - it wasn't like Phillip had always been a walk in the park. Inviting Jeffrey in now made no sense for Olivia Spencer on a day when she had no reason to bother herself with him. "I don't want to make this any harder on you than it already has to be."

Olivia laid her hand on top of Ava's. "Don't worry about me. Sweetie, if this makes it easier for you, then let him stay. I know how much you missed him." She squeezed her hand. "You don't have to pretend differently for me. It's okay. You can feel however you want to feel about Jeffrey. That's all I'm saying." She tried not to but she couldn't help the way the corners of her mouth tugged upwards in a not-so-polite smile. "And if you want him to leave, I'll take care of that too." Okay, so she wasn't quite over Jeffrey endangering her daughters. She was Olivia Spencer and it had barely been two days. It would have been a miracle if she had been perfectly fine with him.

Ava hesitated and Olivia could see the emotion warring in her eyes. She looked down and picked at the hem of a sleeve, tugging it further down her arm even though it wasn't really rumpled. "So you would be okay if he stayed?"

"I know it's complicated, and I am angry right now, but we were friends, Jeffrey and I. It wasn't always easy or, well, very sane, but we got to a good place before he left." _Because of you and that's all that matters. _The night before had reminded her of the utter desperation that she had felt when she thought Ava was dead at her own bidding. It made her want to savor the time she had with her even more and do anything she could to help her be happy. "Besides, he doesn't have anywhere else to spend the day."

Ava glanced up. "Reva still isn't..."

Olivia shook her head. Not that she blamed Reva. She probably would have done the same - or worse. What Jeffrey had done was nearly unforgivable. "She's very upset. She even kicked Josh out when she realized that he had something to do with Jeffrey's original disappearance. She let him come back when she found out that he didn't know about Jeffrey faking his death, just the first part of his plan. But I think she still feels very betrayed by what Jeffrey did."

"She's not the only one."

"I know." Olivia agreed, but her tone lacked any of the harsh bite that Ava would have expected. She really was doing everything in her power to make this easy for her. It meant even more after all the hurtful things she had said to Olivia in the past few days. There was no way she could have asked for anything like this, and here was Olivia offering it to her voluntarily. Her mother would never cease to amaze her - and she would probably never understand it completely.

"If you're really sure you're okay with it, Mom-"

"I am."

"Then I think I'd like it if he stayed." She shrugged. "I don't know. It might be a disaster, but I have to talk to him sometime, right?"

"That's right," Olivia said, pushing away from the wall. She still had to let Natalia know that Jeffrey was there. She frowned. If Natalia hadn't already seen him. Although she probably would have found out by now if Natalia had. There was no way that she would keep silent on the subject of Jeffrey's presence in their home, not after the way she had reacted when he had come to see Ava.

It had been a completely spur-of-the-moment decision to invite him to Thanksgiving dinner. With Natalia cooking there was always room for one - or five - more at the table, but it hadn't even been a consideration until she had run into him at the grocery store earlier that morning. He had looked so forlorn when she had run into him, while picking up a list of last minute ingredients for Natalia, that she had abandoned her rapidly developed plan to confront him about why he hadn't returned to see Ava as he had promised the day before. It wasn't that she was eager to push them back together, but Jeffrey had broken a promise to Ava and that hadn't sat well with her.

For a moment, she had considered simply walking past without a word, but then memories of Jeffrey pushing her toward Ava, coming up with wild schemes to focus their daughter's attention squarely on them instead of Alan Michael...well, intentional or not, it had been the impetus that allowed she and Ava to form the relationship that they had today. She couldn't help but be a little bit grateful for that, no matter what had happened between them in the past. Or what he had done two days before.

That alone wouldn't have been enough, but when they started talking, Olivia had realized that somewhere below the anger that still lingered toward him, she actually pitied him. Jeffrey had no one to blame but himself, but he had wasted more than a year of his life chasing down Edmund, hurting and betraying his wife in ways he probably hadn't even considered when he had made his decision. There would be no way to get the time that he had missed with his son back again, things that he would never have a change to experience. Nothing would ever be the same for him. And despite the fact that it was all self-inflicted, Olivia couldn't help but feel for him. How many equally disastrous mistakes had she made in her life? Sure, in the end, she had gotten so very, very lucky with Natalia but there was no guarantee that Jeffrey could do the same. So, impulsively she had invited him, giving him a chance to see Ava and begin the long process of making amends. Even now she wasn't sure if it was the right decision, but it was the one she had made and now she would just have to let it play out.

"Mom," Ava called out, stopping her as she started to head back down the stairs. "I just- Thank you. You really, really didn't have to."

Olivia nodded, suddenly forced to blink back the tears that had welled in her eyes. "No problem, Sweetheart." And if her voice was deeper and huskier than normal, they both ignored the change.

* * *

Natalia was just leaving the kitchen, subconsciously searching through the crowd of people in the living room for a glimpse of Olivia. As she carried a fresh tray of hors d'oeuvre over to the coffee table to be devoured, a flash of motion caught out of the corner of her eye drew her attention. She grimaced at the sight of Ava pulling Olivia up the stairs. Things had been going well all morning and she hoped they weren't falling apart now. For all that they had been easily joking and teasing with one another earlier, she knew it could all end with one careless word. Depositing the tray on the table, Natalia eased her way through the crowd, her attention focused on the second story landing.

"Sorry," she murmured under her breath as she bumped into someone, brushing them past without looking.

"No problem."

Natalia froze. Surely, she had heard wrong. Surely, Jeffrey - Jeffrey! - had not been invited to her Thanksgiving dinner. Yes, he was Ava's father and as such would apparently always have some place in their life, but not on this day. For Natalia, it was usually a case of the more, the merrier. It had been that way from the moment her parents had kicked her out, and slowly, very slowly, she had come to find a family of her own choosing, rather than what she had been given at birth. That family had grown more than she could have ever imagined over the past year.

Frank and the entire Cooper clan, with the exception of Marina and Henry who were spending the day with Shayne and the Lewises, were there to celebrate both the holiday and Francesca's first birthday. Even Phillip and Beth had agreed to spend the day with them after much pleading on Emma's part. It may have had something to do with the way she batted her eyes and pleaded to spend just one holiday with all her mommies and daddy. She was so much like her mother sometimes. It seemed like it was almost impossible for Phillip to refuse his daughter anything once she had set her mind on it. Which, of course, meant that James along with Lizzie, Bill, Sarah and Jonathan would also be coming. Much to her dismay, Rafe was conspicuous in his absence, unable to get leave to return home. It was bad enough to have him away from her on a daily basis, but to be deprived of him on the holidays that she cherished was even worse.

Unfortunately for him, Jeffrey was one too many for Natalia, and there was nothing merry about it in the least. Olivia might have been able to forgive him and make her peace with him, but she had barely had a chance to come to terms with what had happened. It wasn't fair to ask her to forgive him so easily and so quickly. Not after what he had done to Olivia. The ways that he had hurt her went far beyond skin deep, Natalia knew that better than anyone.

"Your daughter's beautiful," Jeffrey said as the moment stretched before them in silence. "They grow so fast, don't they?" he asked, his tone wistful, that of one parent to another. "I can't believe how much Colin has grown and changed." His expression grew darker. "I didn't think I would miss so much."

One part of Natalia told her to turn around and keep walking, say nothing to Jeffrey and pretend as if she didn't hate him, as if she didn't want to kick him out of her house right then and there. She didn't want him here in this place that was hers and Olivia's, their family's. In the end, the woman who had stood up to Ava and refused to let her treat Olivia horribly was the one who won.

"No," Natalia said simply. "You do not get to come in here and do this. You don't get to pretend that everything is fine." Her voice was rising with every word and people were starting to glance their way. Mindful of everyone's eyes, Natalia frowned and pushed him toward the front door. The late-autumn chill was keeping everyone else indoors and she wanted privacy for this conversation. This was not for anyone else's consumption or further fodder for the Springfield gossip mill. "Not here."

Without a word Jeffrey followed her until Frank, ever watchful, with Francesca curled up on one shoulder stepped out in front of them just as they were about to step outside, effectively blocking their path. Natalia's irritation grew instantly. She hadn't forgotten the role Frank had played in yesterday's events, dropping little hints about Olivia's past bad behavior into casual conversation with the sole intention of upsetting her and making things more difficult between them. It hadn't worked, although it had managed to stir up Olivia's insecurities, and Natalia had spent much time and thought trying to reassure her. She didn't appreciate what he had done in the least. It was petty and beneath the man she had almost married, the man she knew he could be.

"Everything okay here?" Frank asked, giving Jeffrey a searching look. "I'd hate to have to work on a holiday." Frank said it with a laugh but Natalia knew he meant it as a threat. Instead of making her feel safe or comforted, all it did was make her blood boil.

"It's fine, Frank," Natalia said, struggling to keep her voice calm, and not quite managing. "Jeffrey and I were just going to talk. Nothing you need to worry about."

Frank still looked undecided. Maybe he wasn't as oblivious to what she was thinking and feeling as he often seemed. Or maybe it was just selective. She wasn't sure.

"If you're sure," he said slowly, stepping back out of their way. "Just let me know if you need anything."

"Thank you, Frank," Natalia said as politely as she could manage, unable to resist reaching out to touch the back of Francesca's head, needing that momentary connection with her daughter. "But I'm sure if something comes up, Olivia and I can handle it." She smiled and for the first time since she started talking to him it was more real than forced or pointed. "We make a very good team."

"Right," Frank said, as if the word were almost painful for him to speak. "I'll just, uh," he gestured back toward the living room.

Natalia watched him walk away without any shift in her expression, not even giving him a polite smile, then shut the door firmly behind him. She knew Frank was only trying to be polite and take care of her in his own way, but it wasn't his place anymore. Not to mention that she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. She had raised her son in some of Chicago's not-so-nice neighborhood and managed to guide him through all of his childhood and adolescence there without trouble. It had been when they moved to Springfield when things had begun to go wrong. Funny, people always said small towns were so peaceful and a good place to raise children. Natalia was firmly of the opinion that the location had a lot less to do with it than the people who inhabited the place. Which brought her back to Jeffrey.

"Who invited you?"

"Olivia." Jeffrey looked faintly puzzled and Natalia knew it must seem odd from his perspective. They had been, if not friends, at least friendly acquaintances before he had been presumed dead and she had been grateful for everything that he had done to help Rafe. It was the kind of thing that went above and beyond what most people would do for someone who had hurt them. Now it seemed like the worst kind of hypocrisy, offering a helping hand to Rafe when his past hid secret sins worse than what Rafe had done.

"I know she wants to be friends with you for Ava's sake, but you're not welcome here," Natalia spoke bluntly.

"Because I did what I thought was best to protect my family? Just because Olivia doesn't agree with the choices that I made, it doesn't mean I didn't do the right thing when I went after Edmund."

Natalia made a slashing motion with her hand. "That doesn't matter. You can't change what's been done, whether it was right or not. All I can do is thank God that nothing happened to Emma and Ava."

Jeffrey frowned. "If you're not upset about Edmund, then what's going on here? I haven't even been here," he said with a low chuckle. "I couldn't have done anything else."

"Oh, you didn't have to be here to do anything, Jeffrey." Natalia said, wrapping her arms around her chest, her fingers clenching tightly around her arms in an attempt to keep herself in check. She was almost trembling from the intensity of the emotion surging through her. Not fear, but anger. "I know."

"You know... ?"

Natalia could see the exact moment he realized what she was talking about. He paled, the color leaving his face so abruptly that it almost looked like he was going to pass out.

"Natalia-"

"Be quiet," she said firmly. "I don't want to hear anything you have to say about this, Jeffrey." She took a deep breath. "I know what Olivia wants. I know that she wants you to know your daughter and be a part of her life, because she thinks Ava needs that. And, maybe she does. You helped my son - several times. Maybe you really are a good person now, or just a person, like the rest of us. But I don't care." She spaced the words out, emphasizing each one carefully. "I'm not going to cause a scene or kick you out, because this is obviously what Olivia wants for Ava, but know this: you are never again welcome in my home. What you did to Olivia is not okay. I don't care if she forgave you. It doesn't absolve you of what you did. You can't just erase the past because you regret it and I will never forgive you for what you did to her, how you made her feel. I will never forget it. You changed her life forever and you got away with it. Everyone thinks you're a good, upstanding man, while they sit back and judge her for her actions. It's not fair."

Without another word, Natalia turned, firmly putting her back to him with every intention of walking away and leaving him standing there. This was not a debate. She had said what she needed to say, and perhaps been nicer about it than she really wanted to be. Contempt was far too kind of a word for what she felt for the man she had once thought of as a good person and outstanding member of the community. Instead Natalia froze as she found herself looking directly into Ava's eyes. Her first instinct, the words on the tip of her tongue, was an apology. It was what she did when there were difficulties. She was always the first with a conciliatory word or gesture, but this time was different. This time it was in defense of Olivia and she refused to back down. But it was Olivia's daughter that stood in front of her, who would be most affected by her words if she had heard even part of what Natalia had said to Jeffery. From the sick and strained look on her face, it was very likely that she had. Natalia didn't need to hear it from Olivia's lips to know all the regrets she had about everything that had happened between she and Ava and the last thing she wanted to do was to make things worse between them. So she stood, frozen, waiting for someone to break the stalemate.

Jeffrey broke first. "Ava..."

"Can I speak to Natalia alone for a minute?" Ava's voice came out soft and trembling, so quiet that it would have been hard to hear her request if not for the deafening silence.

"Of course," Jeffrey said, jerking into motion after a slight delay, as if it had taken her words a moment to penetrate. He stopped beside her and reached to put a hand on her shoulder, only to stop in mid-motion. "I-"

But she shook her head. "Not now."

He gave a quick nod and ducked inside, leaving Natalia alone to face Ava. She braced herself for the worst, trying to decide how to plead her case. She wanted to make it clear that Olivia had nothing to do with what she'd said or even any knowledge of it - and Natalia would like to keep it that way - for a while anyway. She knew that Olivia would hate what she had done, protesting that she didn't need anyone's protection, certainly not at this late date. The last thing that she wanted to do was to make things worse between Olivia and Ava. She could be angry at Natalia all she wanted but Olivia had nothing to do with it.

"Thank you." Ava took a hesitant step toward her. "For standing up for her."

"I didn't mean-" Natalia blurted the words out before she had a chance to process what Ava had said. What she had intended wasn't an apology exactly, but damage control certainly. Ava's words were an immediate relief, but Natalia wanted - needed - to explain. She wanted to be more than just the person in Ava's mother's life; she wanted them to be a family. It was the only reason she felt the need to explain herself. "I want you to feel welcome here. Olivia loves you so much and I know you have your own life in San Francisco, but she really misses you. We both want you to be a part of this family." Natalia took a deep breath. "And if what I said to Jeffrey makes that harder, that wasn't what I intended."

"I always had this fantasy, you know," Ava said, her voice barely more than a whisper. "My parents back together, and us a family. A real family."

Natalia tried to tamp down the hurt and anger that Ava's statement provoked to hear what she was actually saying. In the year she and Olivia had been together, she had heard enough comments about how they weren't a real family, both deficient and perverse. While she lacked Olivia's flair in dealing with such situations, and she still preferred turning the other cheek to forcing a confrontation, she wouldn't let anyone talk about her family that way any longer. It certainly wasn't the kind of thing that she wanted Francesca to grow up hearing about her two mommies. She didn't think that was what Ava had meant by the comment, but people had a way of surprising her. Sometimes it was for the good; more often it was for the worst.

"Everyone wants that," Natalia said with a wistful smile. She certainly had. It had been something she had wanted for Rafe from the moment she had realized that Nicky was nowhere to be found and her parents were throwing her out into a world where she had no support system or comforting embrace to fall back into.

Ava nodded, tears beginning to glimmer in her eyes.

"I found out though, that that ideal of a family I had been chasing wasn't what I wanted at all." This time her smile was a little bit wry. "I found it in the heart of the woman who tried to steal my husband, who can make angrier than anyone I've ever met. Who loved me for who I was and who I could be, not just who she thought I should be." Every time she really thought about all the things that Olivia had done for her and been willing to do, it left her feeling stunned and a little bit overwhelmed. Not unlike how she felt when Olivia came home from a long day at the Beacon, one straining button holding the jacket over ample cleavage, hair slightly mussed from running her hands through it all day and pinned Natalia with a look that erased all coherent thought. Now, however, was not the time for following that train of thought.

"I don't know what I should do," Ava said, the words coming out quickly before she could think better of them. "I know he hurt her; I know that. But he has always, always been there for me, whenever I needed it. Even when I didn't want it. It hurt so much, thinking I had lost him this year." She looked up at Natalia with pleading eyes. "I don't know that I can cut him out of my life."

Normally Natalia knew what needed to be said in any given situation. She tried to live her life by what she had been taught in the Church and what she had always believed to be right or wrong. When she didn't, she prayed for guidance. Sometimes it seemed as if that prayer wasn't immediately answered, but most of the time, it was more a matter of not looking hard enough for the answer. This time was different. The things she knew she needed to say weren't coming to her lips. For the first time, forgiveness wasn't so easy. What she wanted, however, was to protect Olivia and letting her anger at Jeffrey stand in front of everything else wouldn't do that. It would only succeed at hurting Ava and eventually, Olivia too. Maybe that was what Olivia had been asking of her, not to let this rule their life.

Natalia drew in a deep breath. Maybe Olivia was right. Letting Jeffrey hurt Olivia any more was the last thing she wanted and if she kept going down this path, that was what would happen. Hurting Ava would hurt Olivia too and eventually it would stand between them just as Rafe's anger had for months. She didn't want to go through that again. After all, it wasn't Ava's fault that Jeffrey was her father. She had no control over that; she was just playing the hand she had been dealt. Natalia could certainly understand that.

"Olivia isn't asking you to do that," Natalia said, gentling her voice. "She doesn't even want you to."

"Yesterday-" Ava started, only to have Natalia cut her off.

"She was angry that you were in danger. That Jeffrey was the one to place you and Emma in danger. There's a difference."

"What about you?" Ava asked. "You would probably love it if I cut him out of my life."

"I've never been an angry or vengeful person," Natalia said slowly, feeling her way to what she wanted to say even as she spoke. "But when I found out what he had done to Olivia, I was angry, so angry that someone would do that to her. That it was someone who had been invited into our home and had always been treated like a friend. It felt like a betrayal. I can't even imagine how she feels. She doesn't want me to be angry, and she's right. I can't practice what I believe just when it's easy or comfortable. It doesn't work that way. So I will forgive him, but I won't forget. Olivia needs someone who is always on her side and she needs a home - a place that hers and safe, where she can always feel comfortable. That's why I said he wasn't welcome here anymore. Because I will always be that person and she will always have that place wherever we are together.

It doesn't have anything to do with you though," Natalia continued. "He's your father and it seems like he's always been a good father. That doesn't have to change. I wouldn't want it to."

"Are you- are you sure?" Ava asked, a hiccuping sob in her voice.

Natalia's brow furrowed. "Why does it matter so much what I think?"

"Because it matters to her," Ava said, tilting her head back toward the house.

"I think," Natalia said. "That we both want you to be happy." She touched Ava's cheek lightly. "So go talk to your father."

"He's not-"

"No," Natalia said with a shake of her head. "Olivia invited him for you and I'm not going to kick him out, not today. So go tell him you're happy he's alive. I don't think he's been hearing as much of that as he hoped." Privately, Natalia didn't have much sympathy for him, but she did know what it was like to come back to a situation that was nothing like the expectations.

With a rueful huff of air, Ava swiped at her eyes. "I'm such a mess."

"No," Natalia said gently, but firmly. "You're not. You're just like your mother. You'll be fine."

**(9/10)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Title:** The Importance of Family  
**Fandom: **Guiding Light  
**Characters: **Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Ava Peralta, Emma Spencer, Jeffrey O'neil  
**Category:** Angst, but the good kind. Romance, Drama.  
**Rating:** R...I'm gonna say because there are some disturbing themes explored in here and some violence, although I don't think either is described in graphic detail. **  
Word count: **1,631  
**Summary:** Life goes on. Sometimes it throws you a curveball and you never know what's coming your way on any given day.  
**Spoilers: **Takes place around Thanksgiving '10, and includes the events of the finale.  
**Author's Note: **This fic is solely for **kelltwomyn**. I was bemoaning the fact that I wasn't going to be able to afford a Venice subscription and she swooped in and got when for me when I said I'd be willing to offer fic in exchange. I hope this fic is both somewhat what you were hoping for and also worth your ten bucks and the wait. I really have enjoyed Venice so far. Thank you. :)  
**Beta:** Many thanks to **q_wordy13** & **aimlessla** for beta'ing this for me! Your insights, comments, suggestions and encouragement have all been very much appreciated! :D  
**Disclaimer: **All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Ava Peralta, blah blah etc.) and situations belong to Guiding Light, Telenext, Proctor & Gamble, etc. I'm not them.  
**Warning: **This story eventually deals with Olivia's rape. I don't think it's discussed graphically, but I don't want anyone to stumble upon it unaware either.  
**  
**

* * *

**Part Ten**

"Should I be worried?" Olivia's voice, a throaty purr just beside her ear, startled Ava enough to make her jump. "Guilty conscience, much?" Olivia continued, unable to resist teasing her daughter.

"Jeez, Mom, couldn't you wear a bell or something?"

Olivia's eyes narrowed. "Are you calling me a cow?"

"No," Ava retorted quickly. "Just someone who moves way too quietly for their own good. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Don't even joke about that," Natalia cut in sharply. "It's not funny."

"Sorry, Sweetheart," Olivia said, not sounding very repentant as she caught Natalia's chin with the tip of her finger and guided her jaw around so that their lips could meet for a brief, if not chaste, kiss. "Just worried my daughter was trying to steal my girl." She tried to look stern as she glanced down at Ava's arm linked through Natalia's but couldn't quite manage it.

Natalia rolled her eyes, while Ava snorted.

"Please, Mother. We were just looking for you."

"To break my heart."

Natalia pinched her arm. "Stop being so melodramatic."

Olivia started to say something else, but was stopped when Natalia kissed her again, muffling whatever she had to say with her lips until she no longer had any desire to say it, lost in the feeling of Natalia's mouth against her, soft lips and sweet breath.

When at last she broke the kiss, she was momentarily confused. "Where did she go?"

"Ava?" Natalia murmured, slipping her arms around Olivia's waist and not making any move to let go. "Probably to talk to Jeffrey."

Olivia pulled back enough to get a better look at Natalia's face. "Are you okay with that?"

Natalia wrinkled her nose. "I should probably tell you that I told Jeffrey he was never welcome here again."

"What?" Olivia spluttered. It was the last thing she had expected from saintly, demure Natalia. Although not so saintly or demure now that she thought about it. Still she hadn't expected...but Natalia was still talking.

"And Ava overheard."

This time Olivia frowned. "But you two seemed okay a second ago."

"I think we are." Natalia said. "I wasn't sure..." She shook her head. "I'm sorry if I overstepped, but I don't want him here and she understood why. She knows you had nothing to do with it."

"_I_ don't understand," Olivia said pointedly. "It was a long time ago. You urged me to let Phillip back into Emma's life."

"I know. _I know._ I'm working on forgiving him, but you can't expect me to just let it go over night. You're important to me," Natalia said firmly, her hand coming up to rest over Olivia's heart. She could feel it beating steadily beneath her palm. "And I will do whatever I have to, to make sure that you're okay. Whether you think you need it or not." The moment drug on in silence, Olivia's gaze never leaving her eyes. "Please let me do this."

"Okay," Olivia finally whispered.

"Thank you," Natalia said, just as softly. "I told Ava that you would want her to have a relationship with Jeffrey and so did I."

"Do you really?"

"For her sake, not his."

"A child needs their father?" Olivia said, almost rhetorically.

Natalia shot a quick glance up at Olivia's face, but seeing nothing there to worry her, she nodded. "Exactly."

"Thank you," Olivia placed a finger over her lips before she could speak. "Not just for this, but for everything."

* * *

Emma squealed as she darted through the living room, bouncing off Ava like a bumper car. Instinctively, Ava steadied her, giving her a gentle push toward Phillip's waiting arms, as he held them out to his little girl. She smiled faintly, glad to see that Emma was still her usual irrepressible self after the events of the past few days. It also provided a welcome distraction from what she had been getting up the courage to do. She knew she needed to go talk to Jeffrey, but Ava wasn't sure she wanted to. She had seen him watching her from across the living room since she and Natalia had come back inside, but he hadn't come over. For that she was grateful. Now she almost wished that he had. The walk across the living room seemed daunting.

"Hi." It was a simple nondescript opening that put the conversational ball firmly in his court.

Jeffrey rubbed a hand over his goatee. "It seems like there are a lot of things we need to talk about. I don't know where to start."

Ava shrugged. "I don't either."

"About Olivia-"

Ava held up a hand sharply. "I'm not ready to talk about that and definitely not here."

Jeffrey flinched. "You're right. I'm sorry. About everything."

"Can we just not talk about this and have Thanksgiving dinner?"

"We can do that," Jeffrey said, sounding guarded. "If that's what you really want."

"I missed you," Ava said suddenly. "I thought you were dead and that hurt. I had just found you and I thought I had so much more time. It hurts even more that you did that without letting us know you were alive. I just want one day of not missing you - of not being angry at you - before...before all of that."

Tentatively Jeffrey put an arm around her shoulder, letting it settle there after she didn't jerk away from his touch. "We can do that," he repeated. "We can do whatever you want."

"Even if that means we do have to talk about _everything _eventually?"

He nodded. "Even that. I'm sorry for that too. I just...when I found out I had a daughter, I wanted you to be proud of me. I wanted to be a man you could respect and love, and I am not that man. I wanted to be a better man, but in the process I tried to hide from my past and that wasn't right either. It wasn't fair to you. Or Olivia."

He felt Ava tense and gently lifted his arm away from her.

"You're right." She said simply. "Mom deserved better." She took a deep breath. "And I'm not saying it's okay, but she has Natalia now. I think, for the first time in her life, she's finally okay."

"I hope she is."

"Me too," Ava agreed. "Me too."

* * *

In Olivia's arms was Natalia's favorite place to be. This was no exception. Standing in the kitchen with the remains of Thanksgiving dinner filling the refrigerator and mostly decimated dessert dishes still sitting out on the counter, Natalia felt content, happy and loved. There were still a hundred things to do - the pile of dishes behind her foremost in Natalia's mind - and the list would probably seem endless if she bothered to write it down. Once upon a time, before Olivia, she would have been nervous and jumpy, unable to stand still until everything was done and her house was in order once more. Now it was different. Now, standing here with Olivia and savoring the wonderful evening that they had shared with family and friends felt more important.

She could hear voices in the living room, Francesca's incoherent noises and Emma's high-pitched tones all woven in with Ava's more restrained murmur. Her heart swelled when she heard their laughter and she bit her lip at the pang of regret that she felt at Rafe not being a part of it. This year though, it wasn't because he hadn't wanted to be there, but rather that he couldn't come. Not stationed overseas, thank God, but not able to get leave to go home for the holidays either. Still the fact that he had wanted to be there eased that ache a little bit.

Not enough, apparently, for it to escape Olivia's notice, however.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Olivia asked, reaching out to take Natalia's hand, her thumb rubbing across the back of it gently.

"Just thinking about Rafe," Natalia admitted, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Next year," Olivia reminded her. "And he promised he would come and visit again soon. You know he adores Emma and Francesca."

"He does," Natalia agreed. "And he likes having a family to come home too."

"I do too."

Natalia smiled gently, cupping Olivia's cheek in her hand. "Olivia Spencer, are you getting mushy on me again?"

"Me?" Olivia said with exaggerated innocence. "Mushy?" She waved her hand dismissively. "Never."

Just as Olivia had intended Natalia let out a soft laugh. "Promise me you'll never stop being mushy."

"You certainly are demanding," Olivia said, with the hint of an arched brow.

"Promise," Natalia repeated, ignoring what Olivia had said with the practiced ease. Natalia wouldn't be distracted from what she wanted.

"Promise." Olivia sealed the bargain with a kiss, wrapped in Natalia's comforting embrace.

They were still there in each others arms simply being together when Ava herded a fussing Francesca and yawning Emma back into the kitchen. Emma and Francesca both looked tired and if they didn't go to bed soon, Olivia had a feeling that tired would quickly devolve into cranky. Even Ava seemed run down from the long day, rubbing tiredly at her eyes before she saw Olivia watching her and flashed her a comfortable smile.

But none of it mattered, because Olivia was here, in a house that was a real home, with the woman that she loved and their children. Not all of them, but somehow Rafe's absence hurt less because it wasn't voluntary. He would have been with them if he could. What mattered was that they were as together as they could be, tied to one another with bonds of blood and of love and that nothing could separate them on this cold November night. It was definitely something to be thankful for.

**(10/10)**


End file.
